Sunday, 9 July 2017

Emergency!

Hello, Operator, I'd like to be put through to Scotland Yard, please.

What's that? It's NEW Scotland Yard you say? Well as long as they haven't gone all high tech on me.

What I want is good old fashioned feet on the ground, peeps in kilts pounding the streets and all that!

Whats that you say Operator, they DON'T wear kilts? What, never? Not even on Sundays! Well I'll be,  this is clearly some sort of cut back on the cost of good wool clothing. 

Oh well Operator, if it has to be detectives in cheap nylon trousers then that is what it must be. Put me through....

OK, I'll hold.....

****** Some time passes....... then a 'CLICKING' sound ******

Helloooohooo, is anyone there?

Oh hello, umm, well you must excuse me for bothering you, but I have an emergency. 

Yup, I'm fairly sure I AM a mature adult, and this is definitely NOT past my bed time. 

And YES this is NOT a crank call, OK? Good, now if you don't mind I have an emergency, a crime to be solved posts haste, chop chop. 

I wants feet, Police feet, on the ground right now, or sooner.

Pardon? What service do I want? Well I thought I'd called the POLICE, but if you're offering to deliver a pizza and do the ironing then I won't say no. 

WHAT!

Now look, this is an emergency and I want the police, kilts or not, with or without pizza, though if they do have pizza I'll have mature Canadian on mine.......

Pardon? 

WHAT!

No I do NOT want Justin Trudeau on a pizza! Nice though he is I am sure he has better things to do....... like being a great statesman.

Mind you, if he was available to deliver in 5 minutes I could spare some time to discus Canadian and UK cream and cheese products. Don't suppose you have his number do you..... and a menu? 

No?

Anyways, ALL I want is to have the Police here, on the ground, feet thereto attached to the aforementioned surface, and solving MY crime. 

I hasten to add it's not MY crime as in being me being the perp, as you say, but a perp having perpetrated a crime against me!

OK, I'll hold.

****** a short time later...... ******

Hello, yes I'm still here. What do you mean do you know what time it is? 

Well actually, as it happens I don't have a watch, but if you'll hang on a short moment....

Peep.....

Are you awake?

Whats that ol' confounded one? What time is it?

Well I don't know what the time is, I mean I may blessed with tracking instincts second only to the Inland Revenue or an elite squad of nip crazed Ninjas in rehab, but one thing the almighty didn't give me was a clock.

But them clocks do have hands and I don't, so it sort of stands to reason why I wouldn't, don't you think?

Anyways, maybe you could read that there bedside clock and tell me? I mean if you tell me, I can answer your question as to what time it is, then you can answer the question I woke you for which was do you know what time it is. It's a win win situation I do believe!

Why?

Well if I tell you, and you tell me, then I can tell the Police officer, who may or may not be wearing a kilt, but who assures me they will under no circumstances be delivering pizza, with or without Justin Trudeau on top.

It's all rather simple really. So if you don't mind, peep, what time is it exactly?

Really, 2am you say? Its that early! Well well, I could get another hours worth of mousing done if I get this break-in sorted out. 

OK peep you did well, now if you'll just nod off again I've got this serious break in under control.

Hello, Officer, are you there? Good, well I am reliably informed by my peep that it is 2am precisely. Well precisely and a little bit. OK?

WHAT!

No I'm NOT being flippant, I'll have you know I'm no relation to any sea mammals nice though they are, and I don't like fish, tinned or otherwise. And not on pizza, should you happen to bring one. 

Now look, I do want this break-in, the break-in of the century, sorted pronto. I have things to do and need to see a cat about a mouse, as the saying goes. 

Yes I know it's late, but I have an emergency!

What is it?

Well and emergency is a situation, often unexpected, that that leaves someone in need of urgent help or relief, life threatening stuff and all that. I'd have thought you'd have known all that being an emergency service and all, clear business isn't too busy these days!

Whats that?

Oh you mean MY emergency, well why didn't you say that in the first place! I can't sit around here chatting dictionary definitions, I mean its gone 2am you know, and I've an emergency!

OK.  What happened is, someone has been breaking in each night and then going again, without touching anything. Until this evening when someone broke in and stole my late supper. All of it including the meaty bits I don't like. And worse still, they played with my nip mice and nanna too!

Whats that you say, unbelievable cheek you say. Well I can't agree more that's exactly what I thought. So, when do you think you can have the flying squad down here to dust for prints?

They won't have to bring and dust though as we have plenty of that since the vacuum cleaner started regurgitating its meals. Buts she's going through a bad patch at the moment, and split up with her toy boy. I mean those battery powered hand held vacuums just don't have the staying power. Purrs

****** Clicking and disengaged tone on the telephone..... ******

Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?

Blooming cheek they've hung up. What is society coming to I ask you, huh? I mean just this very night I passed a tom cat coming from the Palace, not even a coherent word of greeting, speaking with its mouth full it was.

Oh well, now you're up peep, maybe you could fill in an on-line request for emergency assistance, and whilst you're at it, see if you can get Justin's number, I have a sudden fancy for a pizza!


                                           ~~~~~~ The End ~~~~~~




It's Sunday Selfie time!



Please join me now as we enter the Sunday Selfies hosted by the fantastic 

Kitties Blue: XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo, and Cooper Murphy, from The Cat on My Head blog 












The Sunday selfies is a wonderful weekly celebration of blogs and bloggers from across the world, and shares stories and pictures for others to enjoy. 


Why not join the fun, by adding the code from our hosts, (a link is on their page) and posting your own selfie. It really is that easy.




This weeks selfie shows yours truly spending some time  immersing oneself in the arts. OK so it's the puzzle section but they do have some fiendishly clever crosswords set by the Dashkittens blogs, dad. Me, I like to cogitate on the answer before filling it in, after all there are so many ways to spell mice and cream, though I can't figure out the thirteen letter one?

To see what all our pals have been up to this week, please click the links/images below, and enjoy the HOP!



63 comments:

  1. We had a very weird different emergency right now. When we clicked on your badget on The Cat on my Head, we were strangly enough redirected to a post from June 17th?? AND in a different tap this post. Hm. We think however that the fault is somewhere on Mom's computer as that was the last time (shame on us) that we commented on your blog.

    Well. What so ever. We kitties are ever so busy with emergency situations, aren't we?

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    1. I have to hold up my paw and confess that the secretary did it. I true blunder of astronomical proportions! Yup the link was wrong! Then we (meaning I) posted the right link and asked Miss Blue to remove the wrong one. Really sorry for any inconvenience the peep had caused. As you say just one emergency after another. MOL
      Purrs. ERin

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  2. Gee, I would think those Scotland Yard boys would throw their kilts on and run right over, bringing a pizza to comfort you. Don't they know you're a princess??

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    1. Well I thought so. Something about the actual nature of the crime put them off. I thought missing food was most serious in deed. I mean how would they like it if their haggis went missing?
      Purrs.
      Erin

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  3. It was probably too difficult a crime for them to solve, Erin...so they took the easy way out ;p
    It looks as though that puzzle solving wore you right out! :D

    the critters in the cottage xo

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    1. Sure did, that and the xtra hour of mousing I managed to squeeze in... or was it the mouse I squeezed in? MOL
      Purrs. ERin

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  4. Well, I do see that introoder pic, but you might be better off with the pizza!

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    1. I'm beginning to think you're right, even if I can't get Justin! MOL
      ERin

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  5. Sometimes you really have to wonder about law enforcement!! In the meantime, those are some pawsome selfies!!
    xoxo
    Jakey and Arty

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    1. Thanks guys, seems like quality policing goes hand in hand with quality wool kilts!
      Purrs. ERin

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  6. Those are beautiful selfies. I would like to gave heard more about pizzas and men in kilts (I love men in kilts), but print got too small for me to read much. 😢 Happy Sunday!
    Yael from PlayingInCatnip.com

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    1. Hello! I can't have someone not being able to read the blog, so I've had the peep re-type it verbatim and word for word at a bigger size. Im not sure if the men in kilts get any bigger too, but I'm hoping the pizza will. MOL
      ERin

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  7. Who stole your food? And the Scotland Yard is not on this? What's wrong with them. I'm embarrassed to say this, but our mom would take Justin Trudeau on a pizza.

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    1. If I could just get Justin to call by, even for a few hours I bet he could change the face of British politics for the better. The man is real star.
      Purrs. ERin
      PS Would you want chicken and nip on your pizza 'cos we could go halves if you do.

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  8. Oh Erin, how dare somekitty come in and steal your late dinner, includin' da meaty bits you don't like!!! And, how dare da pawlice peeps to hang up on you. Altho' dat does kind'a seem to be where this world's a goin' ya' know. But what's this 'bout an online form? Are you kitten us? guess dat wouldn't sound so crazy seein' how catputerized da whole world is. MOL You're lookin' luvvly as always, even unner all this purressure. We do hope you find dat nasty ole rude tom soon. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. Hi Raena hi Dezi, great to see you. Yup I think sometimes them police should do pizza too. I mean it could speed up response times and clear up rates, as well as provide an instant means of support for victims of food theft, such as little me. Thank you I does tries to look my best for Sunday Selfies, even if I am tired.
      Purrs and head bumps.
      Erin

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  9. Oh Erin, how dare somekitty come in and steal your late dinner, includin' da meaty bits you don't like!!! And, how dare da pawlice peeps to hang up on you. Altho' dat does kind'a seem to be where this world's a goin' ya' know. But what's this 'bout an online form? Are you kitten us? guess dat wouldn't sound so crazy seein' how catputerized da whole world is. MOL You're lookin' luvvly as always, even unner all this purressure. We do hope you find dat nasty ole rude tom soon. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. Hi Raena hi Dezi, great to see you. Yup I think sometimes them police should do pizza too. I mean it could speed up response times and clear up rates, as well as provide an instant means of support for victims of food theft, such as little me. Thank you I does tries to look my best for Sunday Selfies, even if I am tired.
      Purrs and head bumps.
      Erin

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  10. We're Canadian so we will see if we can get you Justin's number! And we bet YOU would look great in a kilt!

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    1. It would have to be a TUX clan kilt, black and white of course! Now as to Justin, no fish and easy on mushrooms. Oh and if he can do me a side order of salad nip leaves I'll make sure I have the Niptini flowing, for entente cordial naturally. MOL
      ERin

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    2. Yaaay H&H to the rescue MOL!!!!

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  11. * fits of giggles * Totally priceless!

    * picks self up of floor *

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    1. Wow, that Niptini must have been stronger than I thought, I only just poured it! Anyways some pizza will help with that, and I think Amarula will be phoning an order through shortly so what do you fancy? Best maybe order a 24" as I think Justin will need something bigger, he's a growing lad you know. MOL
      ERin

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  12. I'd love to see Scotland Yard in kilts! Do you think Justin Bieber might wear one to deliver the pizzas too?

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    1. I think if they did they could improve reporting rates and improve the public face of the police. Oooh now that would be a pizza combo, The Two Justins sing pizza classics! Like it. MOL
      Erin

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    2. If the Three Tenors can do it, why not the Two Justins? It would certainly be different.

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    3. The Three Tenors, huh. Maybe we should get Mr Timberlake to join them too, to even things up. MOL

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  13. Hang on for a sec, Erin. I'll get you Justin's number...

    PURRS.

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    1. Wow, you have it to paw. Great stuff, I shall get the Niptini's poured and chilling.
      ERin

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  14. Personally I don't get the Justin Trudeau fascination but I hope you ended up getting everything you asked for and more, Erin!

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    1. It's never good to get all you want, and I accept that I won't always get my mice, and maybe not even get Mr Trudeau to deliver that pizza, but he is an inspiring leader and one that has a gentleman's way. I'm sure he will deliver if he said he can. Mind you if he can't apparently Justin Bieber may be able to!
      Purrs. ERin

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  15. Replies
    1. Brilliant. Do you want to nip round and go halves on a large pizza? My treat...
      ERin

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  16. Erin,
    This is awesome. The type size change makes all the difference. I do believe that both the pizza and the men in kilts got bigger too. Lol. 💕
    Yael from PlayingInCatnip.com

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    1. Thats great news, and if you have any pizza left over I'll send Justin around... he is a growing lad and needs the energy and fattening up just a teeny bit. MOL
      ERin

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  17. Well, who stole your food? Did you ever find out? And now I want a pizza...!

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    1. Oh yes. Fell to yours truly to go the case. It was that tom cat! Yup, he was un-neutered and thin and hungry, but did have a loving home. Just he liked to wander the streets. Not looking for pizza I hasten to add. MOL

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  18. IS there a stray cat eating your food at night? Now I want pizza. Great selfie.

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    1. Yup we had a visitor in the night every night for 16 days. Stole my food and ate my nip. Nice guy it turned out but his humans had not neutered him and he was thin and wandered/roamed about. Hoping he will be done now and have a happier home life....
      ERin

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  19. Justin Trudeau on a pizza ...baahahahahhahahhahaha. That made my assistant fall off her chair laughing

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    1. Oooh I do hope she hasn't been overdoing the Niptini's?! I reckon he could do a roaring trade in pizza if he wanted to after he retires... I shall send him a missive and see if with my brains and his obvious delivery skills we can strike a deal. MOL
      ERin

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  20. Nice selfies, Erin. That is some emergency you have on your paws, and how rude of that tom cat to walk right by with his mouth full. Hey ... do you think ... nah. Probably just a coincidence. ;)

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    1. Thats tomcats for you! Thank goodness there are decent peeps like Mr Trudeau around. I bet he doesn't speak with his mouth full and he'd give up his last slice of nip pizza for a lady. He has to be the BEST Pizza delivery guy you could imagine!
      Purrs. ERin

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  21. You cracked us up MOL. Now a pizza with a side of Mr. Justin Trudeau sounds about right, The Lady Cat says that he's also not averse to taking selfies too!

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    1. Oooh! Now that's a thought, a guest selfie from a world leader in pizza delivery. Do you think I should tip?
      Erin

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  22. So, did Justin ever bring you pizza?

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    1. Seville is getting his number for me as we speak.... er... type! And a menu too. MOL
      ERin

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  23. Erin, mew got short-changed by the fuzz me old gal fur sure, I think mew should have called the B Team instead; Fudge has just completed Tactical Training and we were looking fur a rather benign mission fur him, do mew want us to send him offur post haste? And we can send some fresh cream and whipped nip too, so at least while he's on the case mew can have the cream! MOL

    Big hugs

    Basil & Co xox

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    1. Hi Basil. Wow I sure could have done with the B Team, and the nip and fresh whipped cream emergency supplies would have gone down a treat. Alas the villain has fled the scene, well actually he was pinched by the long arm of his human who retrieved him, and is now languishing without cream at their pleasure. Still, I do have some mystery crop circles in the lawns which peep says weren't as a result of falling asleep at wheel of the ride on mower.... or as we better know it, the Palace steed. So if Fudge is up for a mystery of spacial anomalies and aliens, then come on down.
      ERin
      PS, feel free to send the cream on in advance, I'd hate for it to go off in transit!

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  24. Silly Tomcat stealing your food!

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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    1. Those tomcats are a law unto themselves, no manners these youngster either. Still whilst he was around the neighbourhood was clear of other young guns fighting and brawling at night. A strange sort of silver lining. MOL
      ERin

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  25. Hi Erin (and your peep), you don't know me, but you follow virtually every single blog that I read and follow and we just started following yours! OMC this was HILARIOUS!!!!!! Over the top HILARIOUS! LOVED IT!!!!! I am sure hoping whomever shows up gets their paws on that perp! Love from Cody at catchatwithcarenandcody

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    1. Hello, lovely to meet you Caren, and Cody, and I am very pleased you loved my little run in with the law. MOL
      I am actually hoping Justin Trudeau turns up with the pizza as that would be way more fun than the police running around everywhere looking for clues or in this case a trail of kibble. MOL
      Purrs. ERin

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  26. Whuuuuutt??? Somebuddy is stealing your foods and Scotland Yard will do nothing about it?? That is unacceptable, Erin!

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    1. I agree, anyone would think my lunch was to be sniffed at! OK so if it gets left out too long it might smell a bit but I won't have my food being turned into a take away for a tomcat! If I paid taxes I would be up in arms about it. MOL
      ERin

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  27. Hilarious😹 I hope you were able to contact Justin for the pizza, Erin, maybe he can wear a kilt for you, as he might have much better legs than Scotland Yard. Btw Justin was here at PinkPop a few weeks ago and we could hear him in my garden. How COOL is that😎Pawkisses for a Happy Week😘❤😻
    Oops...forgot to tell you about your excellent Selfies👍

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    1. Oooh! Does Mr Trudeau sing too? Wow, what a guy, he is a wonder, and wasted delivering pizza!
      Purrs. ERin

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  28. Reminds me of the time Bear Cat called the emergency number because his bowl was "empty." Though this is a much worse offense! Cheating on you with another cat when you've stuck by your Peep in thick and thin!!

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    1. Yup stolen food is very serious in deed, though not for the police. Me thinks it would be different if someone stole their doughnuts!
      Purrs.
      Erin

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  29. Did you ever discover who stole your food?

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    1. Oooh ! Heck sorry for the late reply. Yes I sweet, if somewhat rough tom cat, the one I passed on the way home was chowing down on my food. Yup even though he had a home he wasn't neutered so went a wandering whenever he could, and looked awful. But he is now back with his parents and my food is safe.

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  30. Wow, first I had no idea they didn't wear kilts. Why wouldn't they? How can someone sneak in and steal all the foods? I don't get it, and how come you can't get the law officers to respond to the burglary?

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    1. Hello Auntie Jodi, lovely to meet you. Yup it surprised me too, no kilts that is, cut backs and draughts I guess, that and nowhere to store their supply of sweets. MOL Anyways I tried my best to get them and in the end solved it myself. I shall be putting in for overtime from the police for my services I can tell you! Have a lovely week, and hope you can visit us, and my other pals in the cat humour again sometime...
      Purrs. ERin

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