Saturday, 17 October 2015
Wake up peep, wake up.
Oh I don't know, you spend all night on the til.... er.....on the estate working your claws to the quick and come home and what do you find, well in my case this morning like many mornings recently, peep has been fast asleep in bed! Can you believe it! he has but a couple of things to do and he sleeps on the job. Mouses
Well actually he was asleep on top of my emergency larder which is under the bed, the job's down stairs but that's a mute point peep says. Well I think its mute, or maybe is it moot? well that's a mute or moot point in itself for sure. Mind you it could just be a 'strong and silent' kind of point?
Anyways, the point (mute, moot or otherwise) is these peeps need watching and chivvying along else they get bad habits, yep they can slip and slide and go off the rails for sure. Where these rails are I don't know, probably some sort of training aid that peeps have, but off them they seem to go and my peep seems to be on the slide too, though that could be the water he keeps spilling from my bowls. I really do need to get him some of those proximity sensors like the trucks have when reversing, could attach them to his bunny slippers for when he's haring around.
Come on peep, WAKE UP!
****RUSTLING OF WOOL DUVET SOUNDS****
Hmm....clearly the diplomatic approach isn't working, though you'd have thought me standing on his chest would have got him going....time maybe for a helping paw. Now which bit can I see......ah, I think that's an ear sticking out from under that wool duvet, yep an ear it is then......
My peeps just seems to spend too much time in bed and it's addling his mind I swear. Whether it's the aftermath of losing his papa or stopping up late I'm not sure, but it really plays havoc with the days work schedules I've prepared for him, and my nap time. purrs
Now take the other day for instance, I barely managed to get peep packed off to work before it was time to settled into doing some accounting for the estate. Let me tell you a princess has to turn her hand to many things, and those sheep do need counting just in case they jump back over that fence and run away. Oh yes, them sheep can do that you know, even the wool duvet has been known to sneak off the bed. Though to be honest I'm not sure how many sheep there's meant to be, peep doesn't either, does anyone?
Anyways, just as I'd started counting, peep comes back home and starts rummaging in his draws like a peep possessed, which is ironic as he was clearly a peep un-possessed of something, else why bother rummaging?
Now the rules state that when peep comes home its time for a meal, doesn't have to be breakfast, any meal will do so long as its for me. So down to the kitchens I headed and assumed my place on the throne, with best modest head tilt and 'I'm ready' look.
Well, after much grumbling and clearly no luck, peep runs back out to the car and drives off, without so much of a whiff of anything enticing, or even unenticing! Well of all the nerve, let me tell you this princess was left wide empty mouthed and officially miffed. Mouses!
Re-composing myself, I'd just headed back upstairs to the accounts room when peep bursts back in to the palace. Well, bursts is a bit dramatic as we still have a front door, but the thought was there and if it hadn't been for the heavy bolts, chains, locks, latches, catches, lions and sundry trip hazards I'm fairly sure he would have burst.
Best qualify that, it wasn't him bursting, it was the door, heck a bursting peep would have been a calamity for sure, the cleaners weren't due for another week, and there are bills to pay.
A-ha! I thought, then realized the 80's popular music group weren't due round that day that it must be peep back to feed me! Clearly those little grey cells were moving slowly so he'd probably just realized he's forgotten. Heading back downstairs, I again ascended the throne and awaited a special (and no doubt double size) meal due to the tardiness of the chef.
Now if you were a betting sort of a cat then I would wager you would never guess what happened next! Oh, well yes knowing my peep you probably would, OK wager off.
BUT, if you don't know my peep then ignore the preceding and I'll wager a bag of nip and a block of that finest three year old Canadian Cheese that you just couldn't guess. Incidentally that Canadian cheese, if you happen to have some (which we don't) is brilliant on a nip cracker with a light cream nip liqueur, and there's no better way to spend an upcoming evening with ones friends. Just saying peeps.
Anyways I digress....So there was I regally sat on the throne when peep, who'd been scattering sundry items around in the kitchens, came out and spotted me. Now it has to be said that, with all due respect for my station and stature, he knelt before me and...... and..... he just patted me on the head and legged it upstairs only to sprint back down seconds later, cell phone in hand, and straight out the door. Jilted again and left high, dry and treatless on the throne, again!
Did you see that coming? as I didn't, and I'd have lost that bet for sure!
Wake up PEEP!
PEEP WAKE UP!
Hmm...clearly the soft touch with a cold paw didn't cut it. Well I hate to do it, but its for his own good, yep its time for the claw! Now I could go for the pate, though with that pillow in the way things are a bit limited. Hmm.. maybe it I totter on over that there arm and sort of balance on that there leg like....so, then...yep we have movement and if I'm not mistaken that there is a nostril, yep got it. Now if I can just get the claw in there and ................
"OoooooW! ERINNN! that HURT!"
****FURTHER MOANS GROANS & MUFFLED CURSING SOUNDS****
Get up peep
Peep, GET UP!
Well the long and the short of it all was I didn't get anything, not a treat or a meal or anything remotely palatable. Duly noted it was, in my book of things to duly note.
Oh yes, I keep a book about things that go on at the palace so come the end of year when I have to conduct a review of the staff, I can say what's been good and what's not, and where peep has fallen down on the job.... though to be fair it was one of my nip mice that caused that falling down, so best really not bring it up. Another of those mute points I suspect, though the mouse did have a squeak. Mouses!
Anyways, come the end of year, which seems to be around about Christmas (so anywhere between mid October when the shops start selling Christmas fare, and December 24th when the Easter goods arrive) I gets all the staff in to the great hall and give them an appraisal.
Yep, I know what your thinking, and you'd be right, or maybe wrong dependent if you got it right or wrong in the first instance. Though don't worry if you did get it wrong, just go back a paragraph and choose again and I'm sure you'll find you got it right, in which case you'll be thinking.... Now where was I? No, that's what I'm thinking not what you'll be thinking, though maybe you will, and will want a coffee too, just to get through it all, which to be fair is what I'm going to do right now. Hang on and I'll be back in a jiffy....
OK I'm back now, and that coffee was very creamy in deed, in fact, I cant recall tasting the coffee at all. Hmm.... I knew I'd forgotten something. Mouses!
Where was I, oh yes, the review. Well I line the staff up and give them a good stare and then tell them how they've done and where they need to improve. Now this does seem to end up pretty much a one way conversation, but I'm fairly certain I get the point across, a good stare and a swish of the tail is enough to keep them on their toes.
Those that do well I present with a mouse or a 'mou' or 'ouse' depending what's around, a token of my thanks and all. You may well say that is not quite generous, but giving and receiving of mice, fractions or not, is a most serious business so one has to be consistent and not overdo the reward given or accept too great a reward oneself for the great job done, should it be seen as favouritism or currying favour.
Now can someone get Miss Description to see me on that one as I'm fairly certain I've never seen curried cream or mice, and they are my favourites for sure.
Now, back to my peep and getting him up. Hmm where was that mouse pal of mine?...Ah, here we go, one I caug...er....invited earlier. Now if I just drop this on the duvet and stand back and.................
"Eeeeeeeek! Erin! What the............NO! Not on the bed, NOOO............."
****DUVET FLIES OFF BED****
Et Voila! Now that's what I call a get up and go early morning alarm mouse. Mouses!
Ah, peep, as you happen to be up, maybe you can feed me before you head off to work. You will be late you know, well late if you get up in an hours time, but pays to be early for sure, even when your late it pays to be early so your not so late.
What's that you say? Saturday you say, no work you say, when did this happen? I need at least a weeks notice for giving holidays, heck cant have peeps just not going to work willy-nilly, nope just won't do at all. Mouses
And anyways, if you oversleep Saturday it'll put you out for Sunday and then where will that leave Monday? Probably half way into Tuesday and that wouldn't do at all, no ma'am, and this kitties meal schedule would be all over the palace, and place for sure!
Nope, a peep is best to start his day the Princess Way, after all, a mouse a day helps you work and me rest and play.
Now, if you'll bring my breakfast up to me, I'll get on with accounting them sheep! purrs