Now as I promised Santa I'd be extra good, I thought maybe I should try to be a new me, and that's when the advert struck me.
Well it didn't actually strike me, not in the physical sense, no ma'am, I'm way to nimble on the paws for that, ninja quick actually, but best not say too much about the night job. Suffice to say no tubs of potato salad, or indeed any other vegetables were creeping up and assailing this Princess's personage, absolutely NONE.
Though there was the time when some Brussels sprouts escaped their shelf in the fridge and bounced off my head, but that was a mere trifling incident.
Technically it was has become known as the "Trifle Incident", and had absolutely nothing to do with the bowl of cream on the next shelf, categorically nothing, promise... it was just a test of the weight distribution differential and flexibility co-efficiency curve of the shelving! That's my story and I'm sticking to it, bit like the jelly, custard. and more than a few sprinkles. Mouses!
Anyways it struck me whilst perusing peeps shopping, you know I do have to do the accounts and must periodically lay on all periodicals not to mention check the cream and taste the treats, hard job but it's what I'm paid for. Well on that fact I must interject myself, if that's possible, or is it digress? hmm that's one for later I think, buts as I was saying before I interrupted myself, I don't actually get paid.
This is a sore point, bit like peeps finger was when he tried peeling that last Brussels sprout at Christmas, feisty little chap and nearly made it to freedom but for timely intervention of yours truly. Its a hard and diverse job at the Palace but I wont ever let it be said you'll find sprouts roaming the corridors molesting the guests, can you imagine the smell. Mouses!
Now peep #1 keeps promising that I have an allowance, something for emergencies, new outfits or a rainy day, peep says. Personally I have my suspicions that means an umbrella, however peep is insistent that there is a bank account with my name on it. Well, when I say my name on it, peep had to write it on some white sticky tape on the front of the passbook as those bank peeps wouldn't let me have my own account, on account of me being... well, you know... a cat!
Personally I cant see the issue, I mean with retina scanning I could verify my identity. Heck I do also have rather interesting features.... like my charm, ninja stealth, and witty personality, not to mention my own blog!
Alas this wasn't enough to persuade the bank, so peeps was left to be officially the official unofficial keeper of my purse, or should that be the officially the unofficial official keeper. Heck all the red tape is beyond me, suffice to say he gets the pass book to the umbrella fund and I get some cream.
Now getting back to the whole shopping thing, I couldn't help but notice that the Palace fridge has been staked to the rafters (the Arctic fridge spider in residence was none too happy I can tell you) with with tubs of healthy yogurt, healthy cheese, and healthy sandwiches that peeps had bought for the post Christmas diet.
Yup, clearly the waistline was feeling the pinch, again and things were bulging were ne'er they should. To be brutal, once more peep had put on the pounds and spent quite a few more on diet food.
So there they all sat, those morsels of slimness, all still shining and new, in pots and wrappers of white and pastel shades, looking, nay staring down at me proclaiming so prophetically "New Me! New Me!" Actually what they said, and when I say they said I don't mean they spoke to me, that would be a one way ticket to the funny farm, which is next to Nut House. That by the way is where my pal Nutt the squirrel lives, and frankly quite an apt name, though from what I can gather there are no nuts (of the edible kind) in it, on account of them squirrels burying them elsewhere.
Anyways those there dieting products were actually all saying "Eat this and be a New You". Could it be true that peep could become super slim, happy, interesting, good with computers have dress sense AND have a sparkling personality? Well if it could I definitely would buy shares, in fact I would personally get peep some more, using peeps Pay Paw account of course, heck if I can't do that for my peep what sort of pal would I be. Mouses!
But what of me, a New Me, would I like Me if I changed, and if I didn't could I change back? Serious points for a Princess to consider. I mean I'm pretty good as I stand, and nap, so do I really need to change that much? If I did, what if others don't like me? would I need cosmetic surgery and a new identity to hide from the public glare.
But a girl has to feel good and look good too, for one's own self esteem and dressing well is one way to impress and express ones confidence, and a coat this good doesn't come cheap or easy, no ma'am, it takes a heavy investment in daily care, tons of practice, and lots of naps to make sure each hair is laid just so, and more than a little... er... moisture to keep me as smooth as, well, me!
I need to Feel valued for the "Me that I am", to feel ones peep appreciates the hours spent putting food on the table. Well maybe under the table... Oh OK so it's under the bed and in the bath, but that's just being picky, and not the point, its the time and thought that goes into preparing the food, and the shopping too. All those mice don't grow on trees you know, birds maybe but not mice. purrs
Then there are the rabbits and sundry insects that I bring to the palace to help liven up the decor and the dark evenings. I mean, have you ever tried catching one of those little guys in mid flight? I'd love to see peep try the aerial maneuvers.
Oh my, no on second thoughts maybe not, ballet was never peeps forte, and even negotiating obstacles in the Palace halls is a disaster. Heck, I've had more nip mice, toys, and fresh meals trodden on and in than I've had hot dinner mice. Mouses!
Back to the subject to hand, and I do need to do something, to make myself better, to improve and make life better all around. The magazines are all about how this and that will make me a new woman, how this dress will make me slim and that yogurt will make me lose weight feel good and fill me up. Heck I even saw the other day in one of the glossies that you can have interior design that will, you guessed it, make you look a New You.
All great claims, especially for the food, and maybe more than a bit of salesmanship as frankly, if you read the labels on these products they're usually just as slimming as the ordinary varieties, and often worse, certainly for the pocket.
Now it's not that I don't like looking good or feeling good, no ma'am, that's right up there with the cleanliness is next to good nappingness, but really I have the best suit of clothes a girl could ask for, and all for free. In fact with what nature gave, a good diet and daily grooming and exercise it's all a girl needs, well that and the cream, cheese, and nip.
What to do, what to do?
***** SOUNDS OF PENNIES DROPPING *****
That will be more loose change I have to pick up later today! I really must get peep a kitty coin bank....
Hang on a mo! all this time I've been thinking about a New Me as being the outward me, you know, the Princess with sleek black hair, dazzling green eyes and an umbrella fund. Of course, there is another Me, the inner me that keeps back the emotion when hard things are to done, when peeps sick or in need of support.
I was reading this article about a neuroscientist who says that us cats don't love our peeps as much as dogs do. Apparently Oxytocin, the brains love drug, is way way higher in dogs than in cats after we play with our peeps.
Now I don't know about you, but I've seen dogs get excited, and it seems like it's every thirty seconds, at the mere mention of the w-a-l-k word, or a glance at the lead, so its no wonder its higher in dogs.
Those guys really just don't know when to stop, whether its licking faces or jumping up and down, or both! In fact I'm surprised with that much love drug whizzing around they don't fall in love with their tails, or chair legs and the like. Mouses!
Now in my mind it's not that we cats love less, it's that we love selectively and with care and attention, where deserved in fact. Now my peep and I had some issues when I was rescued, we were both a bit stand offish, reserved, and in truth both were and are scared. That was why Santa said I hadn't initially made it into his book, as I hadn't bonded. It was me, I know now that I had failed to make that bond and to keep it, but it was so difficult to trust a peep when once your were free and then confined in a cold heartless palace.
It can be a difficult time for peeps and cats when first we meet. For me, given my social standing at the time, fresh off the streets with my kittens, I was un-trusting from years of hardship and also fright and pain. These are lessons in life, and ones that are hard taught and not easily changed.
Peeps forget this at times, but those out there that have shared their lives with strays will know what I mean. It takes time and trust, and most of all input from both parties....
You know the truth of Santa's message was that I need to make changes to improve myself, to be better. What of course he meant was not the outward me, the Me with raggedy ears, but the inner Me. Beauty comes from within, from the heart and mind of the individual, and just as importantly those that look upon them. Fail to see what lies within, and we miss most, if not all of what there is love, like, and cherish.
Well, there it is, the answer is clear. The New You or New Me dependent on which side of the fridge you're in... oops... sorry, on, is all about a change of mind rather than a change of physical diet.
Heck if it was that easy peep kind would have sorted all its problems years ago, "eat this yogurt and grow your own hair back" or "have this sandwich and see the weight drop off". Sounds good doesn't it, but there's no such thing as a free meal, and there's always a price to pay.
OK now for a plan of action:-
1) I need to give peep more time, more attention. I could do more chin rubs and definitely more sleeping on the bed, old smelly stockings permitting. I really must insist those get put in the laundry room,
2) Hmm, maybe I could play more, just to get peep into the swing of things. A game of Cat and Mouse would be good, or Mouse Trap even, with live mouses of course!
Best stop at two things though, don't want to overdo it just in case peep gets too tired, or thinks somethings wrong. Also I do need to re-arrange my schedule, I can't just drop everything.........can I?
***NEWS FLASH*** Its official! UK dogs suffering from depression from the short walks caused by all the wet weather! Now when was the last time you heard of a cat complaining about having to stay in and have a nap?