Saturday, 5 March 2016

WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT?

In and out.

Out and In.

In....

Out...

Out...

In.

Oh my, whats it all about? and do I really need to shake it all about? Sounds sort of thing a dog would do, and no cat's going to do that, we're way to sophisticated for those sort of games. And anyways I always use a towel to dry myself off that and a lick. Never ever use the duvet, I can't abide a wet duvet, absolutely ruins the fur. In fact it's all I can do to stop peep from getting it damp after showering and doing the tresses!

Whats that peep? its NOT to do with shaking body parts about.. What? OH just your feet about, well that makes more sense, I think?

Were they wet then, those feet, is that why those peeps were shaking  them all about? Surely they should use a towel, like me, or a door mat, that often helps. purrs

What's that? Its nothing to do with wet feet or wet hair! Now look peep, I do wish you would make up your mind what its all about. Hows a princess to set this down in a blog if you're all confused, get a grip....

Hokey cokey! don't you mean okey dokey? or OK will do at a push. I mean peeps have been at this language thing for years, you'd have thought you could have got it down to a fine art by now...

What! thats a dance is it? well I never, peeps with wet feet dancing around shaking them all about, who'd have thought peep civilization could have thought of such things, even after inventing duve... er I meant towels and doormats. purrs

No no no, this really wont do. Not at all, one minute peeps are saying In then Out then shake it all about, then they say Yes then No, whats a blogging cat to make of that, I ask you?

Time to make a call to my mate Blossom, she's a country Dr Cat, lives with two Dr's in the country and really has her finger on the pulse of things... you know politics, socio-economics, price of wheat. If anyone will know about this In and Out stuff, she will. purrs

*****sound of telephone dialing*****

*****muffled voice over receiver*****

Hello Blossom, its your pal Erin, hows things at the surgery? those bunions of Mrs Jones still.....

Ten minutes later...

...... REALLY! shes having kittens, AGAIN! never, who is it this time? not that lad from the  Fatted Mouse Tavern?.... NO!..... Really!....

Twenty minutes later.....

Now I said to peep, if there is one thing I don't want in the Palace and that's low fat cream, or cheese, has to be a full fat Canadian or nothing else....

Thirty minutes later.....

.... of course, we all know that she really ISN'T a ginger, from a bottle.....

Sometime that afternoon....

Well, its been great talking to you, must do lunch soon. purrs  Oh by the way, you know this In/Out thing and the Yes/No thing that all the peeps are talking about? What's it all about? Its not to do with hairdressing or wet feet, is it?

*****muffled comment over receiver*****

OH, so its about the vote for an entrance or exit for Europe is it. Well I never, all that song and dance and shaking wet feet and hair about and its about a doorway. Ho hum peeps have some funny ideas don't they. Mouses!

Well cheerio then Blossom, and thanks for the info. Speak to you soon, and mind what I said about those cheap imported whisker straighteners. purrs

*****Click*****

Well there you have it, simple answer to a simple question that's been plagued many folk, YES, it's always better to buy branded straighteners. Oh, and have a door that can open both ways, so long as you can see if someone is coming the other side. purrs


Just the other day I was musing this very point, well I wasn't, which is when it hit me, and it was at that point I began to muse, and develop a headache.

You know I really must get into the habit of things not hitting me, or better still, musing about things before they hit me so they don't actually have to hit me. Now I could avoid the whole hit experience if I mused whilst I was, for example, static.

Hmm... maybe not static as that would attract other things for sure, and I don't want to be the only Princess on the street with bits of bright nylon stuck to her like a bad 70's outfit, no ma'am, that would be as bad as wearing nylon flares and shirt to a balloon blowing competition in a thunderstorm. Mouses!

Anyhows, I do need to expand on the the whole hit incident for you, but I hasten to add I don't mean me expanding, I still fit a purrfect size 0, well that's the shape of the inflatable measuring ring that peep has, you know the sort, the one with the ducks on, though I doubt peep's will ever be that size again. purrs

Anyways what hit me was the cat flap, my very own personal royal cat flap with smoked panel (for modesty you understand) and one of those magnet things for keeping it shut.

Seems like that very day we had an FFF (feline flap failure) moment, and said flap failed and this feline (Princess) had a moment!

Whilst us cats generally don't talk about FFF, it is a reality for many an In/Out feline, and cause of many a headache I can tell you. And that's not including the embarrassment of it all, being locked out from ones own palace or country pad with guests in tow, or making a hasty retreat with... er... to ones supper.

I'm sure some of you have been there, well not there as in there at my failed flap sort of there, as I'm sure I'd have recalled seeing you, and we'd have exchanged pleasantries and gifts and whatnot.

Now if I may digress for a moment, but does anyone know where I can get a whatnot? Indeed does anyone know what a whatnot is, or in fact what a whatnot's not, as I can't find one anywhere in the kitchens or online.

It really doesn't do for a Princess to not have such things to paw should the need arise, or crop up in polite conversation. A real social faux pas that could be, for sure. Hmm.... does anybody know where I can get on of those too?

Anyways, if you have had an FFF moment, you will fully appreciate it is a matter which becomes stuck in the mind when subsequently traversing ones threshold, and too many of these incidents can lead to lasting trauma, and I'm not just talking about physical, but mentally too.

I know of one poor lady who couldn't leave the house due to such an incident, and the only solution was to have the flap tied up. Whilst this isn't ideal, it worked well I'm told, with one small drawback  that the home was prone to a degree of external elemental weather forces, within, you know, leaves, rain, flooding and a plethora of small mammals.

(Note to self: Ask cook to buy some plethora (or plethori), maybe two tins worth just in case we have guests. purrs)

I raised this very point with the palace's Security and Maintenance Team (S&MT)at our last meeting, and I am pleased to announce they advised that there is a ray of hope for FFF battered kitties everywhere, with the help of modern technology of course.

Yup, it seems that the humble flap has come of age, with the help of modern technology, and could promise both security and free access to all those in need. Of course this doesn't apply to peeps, but then that's what the moat, drawbridge, portcullis, boiling soup and lions are for.

Now as the S&MT raised this with yours truly, yours truly as the Head of the Palace Health and Safety Committee (HP&SC), felt obliged to raise the issue with the Peep Liaison Committee (PLC) namely peep, straight away.

With truly uncharacteristic zeal, peep headed off to the local Flap Emporium, and without due regard for the traditional 10 visits, multiple leaflets and hours of web searching, purchased at a humongous expense an all singing and dancing electronic Flap.

Well I have to admit the I was suspicious from the start, being a flap the all singing and dancing was hardly likely, but hey, I thought I would give it a go. Who knew what might be possible, maybe I would be ushered in and out the Palace by Fred Astaire or Ginger Rogers, though I think her peeps moved houses last year. purrs

Anyways after reading the full and comprehensive tome of installation instructions, peep was none the wiser, so, being a Princess (and amateur algorithmist) I did the only thing I could do, I jumped on it.

Well OK technically I jumped IN it, the box that is, but in doing so I discovered the "Idiots guide to flap installation." which had been plac... er... secreted therein.

Now perusing the instructions it was quite clear that:
(a) we needed an electrical supply to paw (yup, haven't one of those);
(b) we would quite possibly need to rebuild the front of the Palace (not with peeps building skills!); (c) I needed to have chip around my neck or shoulder (Nope, no chips there) and
(d) there was absolutely NO singing or dancing going to take place, not unless it was peep having been wired into the mains by mistake. Mouses!

Well not one to be thwarted by minor inconveniences I called a crack flap specialist team of engineers (Flaps R Us) in to do the work. Alas, before they could come peep decided to undertake the work and in less than a day *yawn* we ended up with a device that resembled a hotel front door complete with canopy inside and out, planted fairly, well nearly nearly squarely, OK OK it was actually on the skew, but please promise not to spread that around, else there'll be tears at bedtime. purrs.

So far so good, at least you would have thought, huh. Alas the instructions did say that the assemblage should be waved over the party of the first part (namely yours truly) by the party of the second part (namely peep) prior to insertion in the door, to make sure that it picked up my microchip.

Of course, had peep taken notice of my chips actual bodily position, it would have been seen that said chip was, due to migratory tendencies, heading South down my body. By my calculations, I think it's due to arrive in my tail some time in July 2018. Mouses!

Now it was at this juncture that peep had a brainwave, namely that it would be easier to remove the door than the newly secured flap.
It is however of general knowledge in the Palace (to all but peep), that peep isn't strong. In fact peeps lack of strong is one of the main reasons we don't have paper bags any more, and the spiders had to introduce special security webs that break easily on contact.

So you can imagine the look on my face when peep turned up with a selection of screwdrivers and spanners, Mouses! There was no way this Princess was about to have a door waving over her, no ma'am, it just wasn't going to happen, being flattened really isn't a good look. purrs

Now I don't know about you guys, but given my chips position, I wasn't about to try and get through a flap sideways, let alone backwards, especially when leaving the Palace. I mean, whilst I do have a nice derriere, it's not the lasting first image one expects from a Princess, can you imagine what the neighbours would say, and the poor lions really aren't up to that sort of thing these days. Mouses!

Thankfully common sense prevailed, and you'll be pleased to know that after taking the matter through the Palace Planning Complaints Committee (PPCC), peep was forced to remove the new flap as the requisite bits of paper hadn't been applied for. Thank heavens for the EU, huh?

With my new and totally manually operated flap installed, it fell to peep and I to ponder the whole In and Out situation once more. After a brief vote, I (the committee) decided that its much better to be In and Out, with the old, than not In, or even not Out and/or out cold with the new. Mouses!

PS I have available, free of charge, one electronic, non-singing and dancing cat flap. Palace door NOT included! purrs




We're entering this picture of us and the best book about rescued Cats ever.... I am so thankful for being saved on a Sunday.... purrs Erin















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