Previously on Erin the cat Princess:-
"Look peep, as much as it embarrasses me, clearly I do need to shout this out, I NEED TO PEE!"
And now, in glorious Technically Monochrome (with a hint of pink), the UTI drama continues!
Hum de hum de tum de tum....
Hum de hum de tum de tum...
Now where is that peeps of mine?
Hum de hum de tum de tum...
All peeps has to do is go off to play and come back and feed me.
I mean, I'm the poorly one, the Princess with a UTI and the need to get my rest, plenty of fluids and lashings of cream to wash down those rather tasty.... er.... those really NOT tasty special Princess meds that I need to take.
Meds which taste a lot like oh so sweet honey, a honey that I definitely DON'T like, and definitely DO need the oh so sweet cream on top of, to help it slip down. Not that I have a cream fetish, no ma'am, it's just one of those primal things, Princess+Cream+Cheese = Erin. Simple math really, and as natural as the cows themselves.
Hum de hum de tum de tum...
It's at times like this that I really do need one of those mobile phones so I could ring peeps up and order a takeaway.
Hum de hu.......
*sounds of car door closing*
Ooh I think that's peep home now, best not show too much frustration else peeps will get the hump, or two. Must have words with Miss Description when she next comes in, as in no way can a peep ever be said to look like a dromedary or a bactrian. purrs
Right, now, I just need to assume the position like so, yup. Head resting neatly on paws, check. Copy of the Independent cryptic crossed to the left, check. Glass of low calorie cream to the right, yup check. Right, and...... ACTION!
Oh hello peeps, what you been up to? Oh that sounds.... er.... interesting, I mean someone has to make sure the tea gets poured correctly? OK that's not interesting at all!
Me? Well glad you asked, peeps ol' pal, as I've been toiling away solving the major cryptic problems for the government, cunningly concealed in this here crossword puzzle. purrs
Whats that peeps? why's it NOT filled in? Well... er... well, it's really hush hush stuff, in fact so hush hush, I can't write it down at all. If I did I'd only have to shred the evidence, and paper is hell on the claws, blunts them so quickly.
Good job I've got one of those photographic memories, in fact finding it is next on my list of things to do. I'm fairly certain I left in the work desk. purrs
Er, what you doing peeps! Heck, I know we're pals and all, but grabbing me around the waist is really not called for, I mean I am a poorly a Princess with a UTI you know.
OI! Mind what your doing peeps, that fur creases something terrible and I spent hours getting them it to lay that way. And did I mention I was poorly? I'm sure I did, and I am a Princess you know.
Now look peeps, I am NOT going in that there shopping basket. I don't care if it's a state of the art feline transport safety pod, it's a shopping basket with a lid. Mouses!
This is kidnapping! OK technically this is cat napping! Hmm it's not that either as I have absolutely definitely no intention of getting in that hideous shopping basket reject, let alone napping in it.
OK, so I'm going in that there basket.... OK, I'm in this here basket, and I must say I am not impressed. For starters there are NO home comforts, no laptop or cream, and this carpet... strike that, this old towel is way past its best. AND it slides around the plastic like a mouse on ice. Mouses!
You know peeps ol' pal, you could just have asked and I would have gone in, I'm quite obliging that way.
OK, so I mightn't have gone in but.... OK, so I wouldn't have gone in, but the whole thing is, peeps ol' pal, the whole point I'm trying to make is, you just didn't ask whether this here.....
Ouch! Mind where you're going with my... er... basket thing? And that door really doesn't need a dent in it... Mouses! I just had it varnished too!
Now look peeps, If I have to travel this way couldn't we have the chauffeur do it, SHE drives a lot better....less lumps and bumps, AND I get to travel with a view.!
Anyways, now that I have been abduckted, I can really see that if this is how they treat ducks I'm not surprised they make so much noise. Abduckted I hasten to add, without so much as an invite or RSVP, so will you please tell me what the heck is going on here, and more importantly, where are my treats. Mouses!
What's that you say? I have been summoned to see the consultant you say! Well this is most irregular, the Lady Jenny always sends me an invite and I have a chance to discuss the matter and get ready, clean my paws and nails and the like. I mean the whole point of these private consultants is surely that they consult and invite rather than grab you by the midriff and drop you in a makeshift shopping basket.
What's that you say my assailing peep, my not so in favour pal? Its an emergency! Well why didn't you say.... I mean, if they have a mouse problem then they only had to ask. And if it is anything to do with the wiring behind that there computer I visited on my last... er... inspection, I am fairly certain that the high speed data cable was installed that way before I sat on it. purrs
Emergency for me? WHAT! you mean I have an emergency?
Oh my, yes now you mention it I do feel rather faint, and my whiskers have gone a bit limp.... you know it's the stress of being an international hostess, international blogger and the local SMME, Senior Mouse Management Executive.
I probably need to cut back on my duties, de-stress and focus on the important things in life, after all I need to get on top of this minor, nay, major ailment.
Maybe YOU could undertake some things for me, peep. Like.... Hmm, OK, so napping, cream and cheese testing, mousing, and testing of the thermal dynamics and elasticity of various duvets and rugs may well be out of your capacity, but there is the wee small hours patrol of the estate. I'm fairly certain you could cover that for me, each night from midnight till four, so I can get some rest you understand. purrs
And on the subject of the wee small hours, and specific emphasis on the wee, I do rather need to use the conveniences, which my less than in favour peep, are not in this here basket. Mouses!
What's that you say? Oh I see, that's what the consultant wants to see me about. Well I don't know if I can accommodate him, I mean a lady can't just do that sort of thing on demand, and certainly NOT with an audience. Mouses!
Steady on ol' peeps, I'm fairly certain that your NOT meant to park at that sort of an angle, or at that speed, and those tyres aren't rated for G-force braking. Mouses!
Well now I'm here, may as well go in and have a chat with the chap.... but do be careful with that door..... OUCH! steady on peeps, at this rate I'll be UTI'd & KO'd too.....
Ooh, straight into the consultants room, and no waiting either. Clearly an emergency situation, just as well I got that health insurance policy!
What's that peep? we were late you say! Oh, well that's hardly MY fault now is it, I mean I was the one grabbed from the clutches of my teatime na... er... Ministerial work, and hauled off in a glorified shopping basket.
A shopping basket I hasten to add, that was bumped and banged over and into all the potholes and doors on route. Oh my, I do believe I'm getting a headache. Mouses!
I could sue you know, mental distress and deprivation of my civic duties, namely napping. Not to mention the psychological damage caused by the color scheme of this basket thing. I mean gray and lime green is so.....
Er peeps, ol' pal where you going? Aren't you meant to stop and whisper sweet nothings in my ear whilst the consultant asks all those leading questions?... Er peeps, come back, you're not leaving me HERE are you? like forever? Peeps?
PEEPS! come back! look if I sounded stressed it's because...
Oh my, peeps has left me! What's a princess to do? deserted without so much as a kiss and a bowl of cream. OK I can forgo the kiss, but the cream is an absolute must when parting ways. purrs
Ho hum, seems like I'm up for adoption again. I never really had a chance to say how much I loved peep. The cooking wasn't too bad, hmm well not too good. OK in fact it was terrible, but peeps was OK, and did the best to make sure the cream, and cheese, and the cream cheese was on the table. purrs.
***** 24 hours later *****
PEEPS! YO DUDE! OVER HERE! Yes up in this penthouse suite with the funky window bars. PEEPS! no not down there, that's a Shih Tzu! Look peeps, up a bit, NO that's not me either. Check the ears will you, heck after all this time do I need to have a photo ID card around your neck. Mouses!
Over here peeps. HERE!..... PEEPS! Ah, success! Thank GOD you're back! You just wouldn't believe what they've done to me, and the size of the needle was enormous, I mean horse size, not to mention all the squeezing and prodding. DON'T you ever leave me at this hotel again, the food didn't come with cream, though the waitress staff were wonderful, all except for when they made me, a Princess, swallow this yucky tablet.... eww!
Peeps, are you listening?
Oh it's so good to have you back, I thought you were leaving me, and not a word of explanation, not a word of comfort or a goodbye. Anyways, I hope you got the chauffeur this time...
What! not that shopping basket, again! We really do need to have words peep ol' pal, I just can't be seen in this....OUCH, Mouses! Mind the wooden door, and don't slam the car door either, and mind those potholes!
Look peeps, lets get things straight from the start, I'm the one being buffeted around here, and there's absolutely no sign of any of that food, not a crumb of cheese anywhere. Definitely one for Miss Description when I next see her, in fact if I get to see her. Mouses!
What are those wet patches for on your cheek, and that sniffing? Look if it's hay fever then I suggest we share a bowl of cream when we get back to the Palace. Cream always makes things better. OK maybe not for you, but it helps me, and that's what we need right now, that and tons of that extra special Princess gourmet diet that the chef slipped you when you paid the hotel bill.
Aw, thank you peeps, I missed you too, so you can stop that crying and sniffing and lets get home and watch sparrow TV. In fact whilst we're at it, why don't we break open a new pot of that low calorie, low fat, lactose free cream. purrs
As to this UTI thing, well let's just say it's nothing we both can't share together. Hmm, OK I didn't quite mean it that way, but we shall work it out together, drop by drop.
But what I absolutely do insist you do, peeps ol' pal, is get me a new NON shopping basket carrier, maybe one with corporate sponsorship and a chauffeur. You know the sort, fancy racing lines in Princess Pink, and maybe a logo along the lines of "ERin, powered by British Cream".
Those deals will mean lots free samples for you, peeps, free samples such as single cream, double cream, and extra thick pouring cream. Not that that particularly bothers me, no ma'am, I have simple tastes and I'm sure I'll... er... WE will be able to find some room somewhere to store them at the Palace. I would even consider storing them in my own personal emergency pantry, should the need arise. purrs
Now where is that medication I need to take? Oh, and do bring some of that medicinal cream, I feel a double might be needed to help with that headache I got yesterday. purrs
Hi And Happy Sunday Selfie!
We're entering this picture in this weeks Sunday Selfies Blog Hop, hosted by the fabulous Kitties Blue over at Cat on My Head Blog.
Hope you all have a lovely day!