And before we get into the whole "What do you mean What are you doing" thing, AGAIN, what I am asking is, as chief enquirer of questions and checker of hitherto unchecked or indeed hitherto previously checked but worth another check on account of there may be something worth rechecking, things *deep breath* AND Master of Documentation Sitting & Champion of Nighttime Snacking (all MoDS & CoNS).... what I am saying is... er....what was it again?
Oh yes, what I was saying was.... Oh Mouses! lets skip that next bit, what I was wanting to know, as Chief Inquisitor was, what are you doing to my food?
Look peeps ol' pal, I dare say it hasn't occurred to you, but the whole point about hard food, biscuits, kibble and so forth is that they're hard, as in solid, crunchy and generally more like eating ones harder prey, cookie like to you peeps, as in a cookie or biscuit? You know the thing, peep, what you dunk into a Niptini, or a light cream?
OK, so you don't dunk yours in cream, that's a cat thing, maybe one day I can teach you the ancient art, but for now, suffice to say this kitty does not appreciate her biscuits wet and positively sponge like. Mouses!
What you have to think, peepers, is if they were meant to be like a soggy cookie, I dare say they'd call them something else, like 'Sogookies'. Hmm that does have a certain oriental ring, maybe I could market that? purrs
Anyways this Princess is not about to sink her teeth into that... er... eww!
I don't care if the vet said I need more fluid, I have plenty of that around the Palace, in fact the addition of that latest swimming pool to the ground floor, rather makes the point!
By the way peeps, I didn't see a planning application go through the Palace Planning Dept.? I mean I don't like to pull rank here, but as head of the said department I really must insist that we, as in you my ol' peeps, don't flaunt the rules.
I mean whilst it was a lovely gesture, I don't know if you have noticed but there is plenty of water in the moat and as I'm not keen on the stuff anyways, I wont be using that either. But then I wouldn't anyways on account of some rather nasty looking fish I saw swimming around last week. I mean who actually signed off on have crocodiles in there? Mouses!
They're not crocodiles you say? Pike you say? Well let me tell you peeps ol' pal that called Pike, Jones or Captain Mainwaring that dads army has teeth that this Princess doesn't want to meet. Mouses!
Anyhows, nice thought as it was, that there swimming pool is a bit too small. I know the budget is tight and all, but frankly its not much use for Olympic style events now is it. Oh and if it's going to stay, it needs to be moved away from the litter tray. And the name needs to be changed too, I mean, whoever calls a bath DOG. purrs
WHAT! you mean? NO! You mean... I've been using THAT!
Oh my I wont be able to get the image of a St Bernard drooling out of my mind for ages, I feel feint again. What have I done to deserve this, I ask you? No don't answer that, what ever it is, it cant be as bad as YOU leaving me at the Consultants. Mouses!
***** 24 hours later *****
What you doing peeps ol'.... OK lets skip that and cut to the chase, whats that peep, that bottle with the apple on the label?
Ooh I say, is that some of that new nip cider? Now you know I've been trying to get hold of that to give it a go. Hmm organic too I see, well clearly peeps you're thinking along the right lines here, Organic is best when it comes to things for sure.
Hmm, has a rather fruity smell, lets have a look at the label peeps. Ah, late bottled I see, from the Vine Gar Estate. Sounds very New World, possibly one of those fruity Bulgarian numbers? My pal Numps, over at the Meanderings of Numps blog, would know? I'll give him a ring later. purrs
Whats that peepers? this is made from apples and not grapes you say? Hmm well won't that make crushing them with the feet rather difficult? Those poor peeps will get no end of problems later in life, possibly fallen arches, though how masonry figures with grapes I don't know. Clearly one for Miss Description I think. purrs
Anyways, and not wishing to seem to look a gift horse in the mouth, which I hasten to add I don't do very often on account of a) I've never been given one and b) there is rather a height issue to resolve, and c) I usually leave that sort of thing to the groom, whats the ol' vino got to do with my tea?
I mean, I don't need to be buttered up if that's what your thinking peeps ol' pal, I am pretty amiable you know. But that's not to say I don't appreciate a little buttering, because I do like any other cat Princess, but I'd rather it was cream, double, with a nip chaser. Purrs
I mean I will do most things for cream. OK I will do somethings for... Nope lets be honest here, I will do cream testing for cream, and that, as my great pal Seville would say, is a fact! purrs
Anyways peeps, you have digressed, so why the vino, huh?
Medicinal properties you say, to dissolve my crystals you say? Hmm, well if I knew I could get a Dr's prescription for wine I'd have started ages ago, I mean I'm never one to go against medical opinion. purrs
Er... hang on a minute, what crystals would these be peepers, nobody said anything about crystals. Mouses!
You're not been holding back on me are you? I mean, if I've something else I do need to know, I NEED to know, Consultant Princess privilege and all that.
There's plenty for a Princess to think about in such circumstances, not least if those there crystals have any worth. I mean they are mine and I don't want them being dissolved on any old whim. And then there's the whole social implications, I've only just got the new stationary back from the printers and you'll never believe how much they charged me for adding UTI after Erin the Cat Princess. Still it does look good in gold. purrs
Whats that you say? worthless pieces of calcium, ammonium, and magnesium! Well you do know how to bring a princess down to earth, and feel make a girl feel important, NOT!
***** 24 hours later *****
Now I wonder what peeps has arranged for supper? Hmm, chicken and rice UT special it says on the label, maybe worth a quick sniff and a nibble, don't want to disappoint the chef now do I. purrs
Eww! this is awful!
Peeps..... Oh peeps are you there?
Ah, there you are, have you seen whats been left for supper?
You have huh, well let me tell you I'm famished and this here... er... stuff, which looks like something the dog brought in, just really doesn't cut it after a hard day in the bush. Not the usual high standard Haute Cuisine I'm used to. Mouses!
Medicinal you say, huh? Well, yes I can see why and I may well need a hospital visit if I eat that. Look peeps, These crystals, the ones that aren't valuable or a proper UTI, do they really need to eat this food?
I mean, I'm happy to let them have their own food just so long as I can have mine too. Surely we don't have to share?
Oooh is that a nip sachet I see in your hand? You know I've been kinda low of late and a nip of the ol' nip, is just what the Dr ordered. purrs
A special kind of nip is it? Hmm, a fortified floral nip you say? Well, I can see the sense in that, me being a Princess and all. purrs
Er peeps, what you doing sprinkling that nice nip stuff on that there nasty food stuff? I mean that's a waste surely? Mind you it does now smell nice. Well if you insist, I shall just do a quick taste test on this product, Palace standards mustn't be allowed to slip, must they. purrs
***** Seconds later *****
Well I must say, that certainly did add a certain zing to the food, quite addictive in fact. Now peeps, if you will just pass down another of those sachets, I'll test that one too. Oh, but you can skip the meat and the jelly as there is no way I'm ruining this nice nip with that stuff. purrs
What do you mean, back to the drawing board?
Many Thanks to everybody who has sent their best wishes, and supplied remedies to help with my UTI & crystals. They are ALL gratefully received, and I am working my way through the list as we speak, er... as I type, and no doubt will still be as you read this. Seeking a more natural approach to things, I am particularly looking forward to the fresh raw mice diet at item 5 on the list. purrs ERin
We're entering this early morning picture in today's Sunday Selfies, hosted by the Kitties Blue over at fun Cat on My Head Blog www.thecatonmyhead.com