Sunday, 14 August 2016

SMUT!


So, I was just pondering the marvels of nature, as I do, on the way back from the fields of my labour, when I noticed this rather nice new patch of black loamy stuff on the Palace drive.

Now I don't know about you, but I do like a bit of a roll, helps stretch the back muscles after a long hard day hunting and nothing finer than a fresh patch of loamy stuff. Now I do hasten to add that being a TUX I do take special care to only roll on my back when rolling in black, else the lovely white bits will end up gray, and contrary to fifty shades of gray being the new black, it is definitely NOT the new shade of white!

Now it was whilst upside down that I spied that the kindling pile was getting low.

Whats that you say peep? I wrote about that last week you say? Well of course I did, silly peep, now I wouldn't be writing about it next week would I as that wouldn't have happened and I don't have any means of time travel to get there, and I'm fairly certain your Senior Citizens Bus Pass does quite reach that far. purrs

Er, hang on peeps, why are we even having this conversation? I mean if I want to write about kindling I shall after all there are many meanings, and an inquiring cat Princess needs to know about such things. For starters there's the kindling embrace, or the kindling of eggs, umm.... oh and the expression of pain.

What? you mean that should be cuddling and coddling? Well, this Princess does not want any smelly piscium fishy embrace, that's for sure, I'll have all the wrong sort of seagull come round, not that I know any of those feathered rogues.

Anyways you can't tell me the expression of pain is wrong, as I distinctly heard you yell that as the hand ax went into your finger and the blood came out. Mouses!

But I digress, what I needs to say is, what's with all the smut?

What?

WHAT!

Now hang on just a nip filled mouse minute, I refute the allegation one hundred percent.

Utterly....

Totally.....

****** Sound of leafing pages ******

and now I think about it...... and with the help of my Kittipedia.....

COMPLETELY!

In the words of the great Pirate, and all round hot dude, Captain Jack of the Sparrows, "This is the day you will always remember as the day you almost didn't caught a mouse"....

Hmm not that saying... maybe "If you chose to lock your heart away, you'll lose it for certain!" OK so whilst that is pertinent to you, peeps, it isn't relevant to the whole smut thing either.

OK, bear with me will you as I'm sure it's here somewhere... what about "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." 

Well that definitely sums things up well. Good ol' Captain Jack, *Sighs* I wonder what happened to him?

Anyways peeps, the whole thing I am saying is, it's NOT my fault and I am NOT, SMUTTY!

Mouses! you really do come out with some things, and heavens knows the popular press would have a field day, or an indoor day if it was raining in the field, and I and the Palace would be in ruins, which to be fair, the palace some days looks quite like. purrs

Maybe best I have a precautionary non smut press announcement to say that I am not smutty and have no intention of being so, should the circumstance arise when peeps might think I possibly might be.

The problem my confused pal is that you are confused. Just because the re are signs of evidence doesn't mean it is my evidence or in deed related to me, yours truly, moi!

So ol' peeps the problem really is not that there is smut, but why you think I am responsible for said smut and where did said evidence came from and even why it is there.

WHAT!

Now look peeps ol' grubby one, standing there looking like a rose with powdery black smut... er... sorry powdery mildew and black spot, which I hasten to add is nothing to do with the Black spot Captain Jack had that time.... Oooh now there's a thought, maybe Captain Jack has been around and left all that smut on the wallpaper and floors and on the duvet..... you know what these hardened criminal types are like, always leaving black spots and smutty paw prints all over the place, everywhere.

OK so maybe the paw prints aren't Captain Jacks, but could have been the ships cat, I mean they do have ships cats you know, to catch the ships mice and the ships rats, stands to reason they might get a black mark or two themselves, especially if they didn't pass their exams in walking the plank.

And now I think on it, I do recall a very large black spot on the Palace drive, with some decidedly dodgy looking paw prints in it and it had a really soft sort of loamy feel with a hint of salty grit to it too.

What? Well I hardly think the absence of a sea port at the Palace or indeed within 60 miles would be an issue, we do have a mote you know, he could have caught the bus and moored there!

Hmm, peeps ol' pal, that brush you're waving around, that brush with all the black stuff on it, the black stuff that looks like black smutty stuff, that wouldn't perchance be soot, would it?

Soot, as in soot from the chimney that we not long had swept?

And that large black spot on the drive, that wouldn't perchance be, maybe, a pile of chimney smut cum soot?

WHAT! you mean this Princess has been rolling in THAT! like a common.... er.... common something or other that rolls in soot! Mouses!

I feel feint, to think my lovely fur has been sullied by burnt wood and your bad cooking, which are very similar when it comes to it. purrs

I do think I need to lay down for a bit, maybe find a proper sand patch to have a bath in.

Ooooh.... now if I head down to the beach by the moat, I could put up a flare, or maybe line up some mice in the sand to form the letters SOS and get that lovely Captain Jack of the Sparrows to come by and save me...... Least ways until tea time! purrs





                   
I hope you enjoyed this weeks tale of an everyday Princess, at her Palace. Till next time, have a wonderful week! purrs ERin

             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


 It's Sunday Selfie time! 



As it's Sunday we a proud to join the Sunday Blog Hop hosted by the FABULOUS Kitties Blue, over at the Cat on My Head Blog.









I had this picture taken by peep, just to prove that the soot didn't stick to my nice white bits!


To see what my fellow blog hopping pals have been up to this week, click the images below...




















46 comments:

  1. "Nice white bits" and "sullied by burnt wood and your bad cooking" ... I should know by now to NOT take a drink while I'm reading your posts, Erin. Bear likes to roll in interesting things as well ... mud ... dead ants ... I suppose you are both in excellent company!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehehe. Hi Kat, your replies always make me laugh too, fortunately I don't have a mouse in my mouth when I'm reading them else I'd be short my supper, for a while at least. purrs to you and Bear, ERin

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  2. Sounds like you had quite an eventful week. We try to roll in the grass or on Mom's clean laundry. Takes the exces hair off, and keeps us neat and trim.

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    Replies
    1. Hi, that does sound way better for your mom. I wish my peep were so considerate to leave the laundry out but the wool duvet is all I get. As to the lawns, well lets just say as soon as someone uncovers the lawn mowing peep, they'll be sacked! purrs ERin

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  3. Replies
    1. Hi, that does sound way better for your mom. I wish my peep were so considerate to leave the laundry out but the wool duvet is all I get. As to the lawns, well lets just say as soon as someone uncovers the lawn mowing peep, they'll be sacked! purrs ERin

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  4. You do have a way of bringing forth the giggles Erin!

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    1. Hi Brian, I does love to have a bit of fun during the week, but it doesn't usually go as planned, though I do hope it doesn't show too much? purrs ERin

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  5. That's great that you have photographic proof that the soot didn't stick! I hope that Captain Jack of the Sparrows stops by.

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    1. Absolutely! no way did I want the press getting any candid shots of a Princess with coal smut on her. Ooh that Jack Sparrow, he does turn a Princesses head, alas I am still waiting. I'd have put some rum out for him but peep's is rather partial to that so I thought best not. purrs ERin

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  6. Jack Sparrow saving you would be fun now wouldn't it? :)

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    1. Yup I was rather hoping I could have an adventure or two, or three. Alas he must be adrift somewhere so all I have is a black pile of soot and an empty bottle of rum, that peep drank! NOT quite the magic of the movies! purrs ERin

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  7. You look very purretty Erin. We's glad da soot didn't sully your purretty white furs.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    Replies
    1. Hi Dezi, hi Raena, lovely to see you both. A lady sure does have to keep those white furs shining white. Heck to get that Captain Jack of the Sparrows come by I had to put an extra couple of nap... er... grooming sessions and beauty sleeps in! purrs for a blessed week for you and your mom. ERin

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  8. You look amazing in your Selfie, Erin and I see a smile on your face...or is that mine ;) Pawkisses for a Happy Sunday :) <3

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    1. Hi Binky, yup I do declare you did see a smile, though I bet there'd be one on yours too if you saw how contorted peep was setting up the mobile phone for me! Pawkisses and purrs for a great week. ERin

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  9. I have never rolled in smut only earth. Dad has taken up some paving slabs and there is sand underneath. Now that is good for rolling in before going on to the humans bed for a nap. I can't understand why my mum complains about sand under the duvet.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oooh I do love a good bit of sand! We have some by the moat, but that is sort of out of bounds due to the kraken liking to bathe in that area herself, likes the privacy! purrs ERin

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  10. We all know that smutty soot does not stick to a princess!! And now we have proof! xxx

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    1. Hi Austin, great to see you. I wonder if it is all down to being a TUX, sort of like peep having a n easy clean non crease, hair repelling trouser suit? have a great week, purrs ERin

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  11. Replies
    1. Thank You Jeanne, great to see you. I hope there are no pirate black spots down your way this week. purrs ERin

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  12. That last is a very lovely picture of you. So beautiful and ..... Fuzzy! PS: why must the hooomins always blame the Innocent Kitteh?!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, I felt a bit fuzzy and fluff and the right shades of black and white. Peeps, way to quick to judge, and there is a good chance as Seville says, that a branch of the weasel syndicate was to blame and framed Captain Jack.

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  13. I don't know, Erin... I don't know... Smut? Dodgy footprints? You sure there aren't any Weasel Syndicate operatives about? MOUSES!

    Purrs,
    Seville

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    1. Oh my! it could be, I never thought about that! Maybe a bunch of Weasels pretending to be Captain Jack, I need a plan, and a trap, and a lie down! purrs ERin

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  14. So glad to see that you escaped unscathed and are looking just purr-fect!

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    1. Hi guys, and thanks, it was luck in deed no harm to my white bits. Seville thinks it could have been the weasel syndicate up to no good pirating things pretending to be Captain Jack. Unfortunately the duvet does need a wash, but I have a photo of those dodgy paw prints which I will be circulating to the police!

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  15. Lovely selfie, Erin. We love your clean furs :)

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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    1. Hi Athena, hi Marie, good to see you. Did you know that TUX fur is extra special? yup we have to make extra time in the day to keep the contrast just so. purrs ERin

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  16. Smutty kitty eh? Snowie can so relate, a few years ago our boiler broke, well actually it blew up and covered the house in black-smutty-deposits and Snowie being all white looked as though we'd used her to clean the chimney [FYI we hadn't used her as a sweep] - she was the ultimate in SMUTTINESS we'd effur seen!!! MOL Let me add that she didn't like being smutty-kitty at all! MOL

    Purrs

    Basil & Co xox

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    1. Hi Basil, great to see you my friend. Snowie has has my sympathy, she does, as there is nothing worse than a load of smut on a Sunday, and boiler or no' having ones white bits affronted with chimney soot is definitely not De rigueur! PS If you don't need the Kraken back this weekend there is a party of chimney sweeps I need to have a word with! purrs ERin

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  17. How dare the peeps accuse you of rolling in the dirt, Erin! Unless they actually catch you in the act, you are innocent...no matter what's on your furs. Nice selfie, by the way.

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    1. Thank you guys, you have my position exactly. I shall be asking for treats in recompense, and a signed copy of Captain Jack, I suspect the original is busy at see most days. purrs ERin

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  18. Angel Sniffie once rolled in the fireplace....not a good thing!

    The Florida Furkids

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    1. Hmm those fireplaces are to be avoided, for sure, unless you're Santa Claus, of course. purrs ERin

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  19. ERin....we hope ta cod de stuff ewe waz rollin in waz day old fish flakes N knot soot....that wood be like rollin cin oal scrapz...which we due knot recommend...we
    tried that once N waz hopin we wood smell like seered perch

    NADA ~~~~ ☺☺☺♥♥♥ happee week a head two ewe ~~~~~~~~

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Scraps it was for sure, as peeps cooking attempts, loosely speaking, end up in that ash too... accounts for the crispy bits. PS Seered Perch, does that have a nip flavour? purrs ERin

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  20. You are simply too pretty to even be thinking about dirty dusty stuff, Princess Erin. Purrs!

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    1. Thank you so, *blushes* my mom brought me up too respect the fur and have a good daily routine. purrs ERin

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  21. We think that true princesses like you have teflon coating when it comes to smut and soot, Erin!

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    1. Hi, peep said something similar, but apparently it doesn't work for those sticky plant things, or sand, and there have been a few comments about indoor beaches, and weeds growing in the bedrooms! purrs ERin

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  22. Aoparently our grass eating is not popular with Mum.... we sick it all up back inside.

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    1. Grass and us cats and throwing up is just one of those things, thats what I keep telling peep, like Pizza and Beer and putting weight on is for peeps. Anyways, it is going to happen and where better than in the nice and warm. purrs ERin

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  23. Whew!! Thankfully you have some nice black furs to hide that smutty smoot

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  24. Yup those black bits can disguise a multitude of sins should on heave any, not that I do, I'm just saying. purrs ERin

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