Sunday, 21 August 2016

The Assassin!

Now I must start this weeks blog with an apology, an unreserved apology, for not getting to see all my pals on the Sunday Selfies blog hop hosted by the fabulous Kitties Blue.

Why you may ask, would this Princess be apologising, and well you might. In fact I shall save everyone the time and tons of emails and letters and just say, we, meaning the Royal WE, which means I, had Computer Tech support issues on account of peep dealing with a family illness, alas this will be ongoing for some months to come. Accordingly there will be a vacancy for live in Tech Support being advertised  in Mousing Monthly in the coming.... hmmm.... *rattling of keyboard* minutes.

Worse still, I was assassinated, well very nearly!

What's that peep, ol' pointy headed one, I shouldn't exaggerate!  Well I think that is a bit rum, coming from one whose diet weight loss sheet seems to have acquired  a "K" in front of the "g". Anyways, I think I shall let our readers decide, after all I tell it as I see it.

Anyways the origin of this tale goes back to peep's child hood, which I hasten to add has nothing to do with baby clothes or gangs, and more to do with growing up.  Now I know this is hard to believe, but according to my Kittipedia, it's something that peeps at some point do, though personally in peeps case, I think maybe there is some leeway on the timetable for that, or things have got stuck.

I does wonder if peep would be better as a child, but I really don't want the hassle of any child hood crushes, the angst, swooning, and hours in the shower! I mean I do rather need that shower time myself to host my Olympic warm-up track and field events for the Palace games.

On that matter, I was rather hoping to get a team together to do the four by one hundred relay mouse, to be staged in one of the Palaces velodromes, or bath No. 6 as peeps calls it. Followed by a Triathlon team comprising of our great pal Basil, from the Bionic Basil blog, who is an absolute wizard with all things gun wise, though I suspect we may get barred if we use a heat seeking laser guided munitions or is that mousnitions? Hmm best check on the rules for that, spelling is everything.

Anyways I was thinking maybe Seville, over at Nerissas Life blog, could take the Nip Hunting challenge, as ne'er a fine nose for the nip mouse have I met. As for me, well I thought I might do the.....

What?

Whats that peep?

WHAT!

Well I'll be, there's no need for comments like that, I mean for starters, there isn't an event called the Tall Tales race.... oh hang on, there is a TT race, the Isle of Man motorcycle TT race, which I suppose is who can tell the fastest tallest tale!

But as I don't tell tall tales, or in deed short tales....

Whats that peep?

The readers will be asleep you say? I do think, peeps ol' pal, I should just mention I have a copy of your last weight watching record sheet, and I do think I have the the moral fat groun... er.... sorry, the moral high ground, if not some leeway, or is it leverage? purrs

Anyways, before I was interrupted and digressed, I was about to say, that in peeps, ahem, youth, there was propensity to go to yard sales and collect curios and suchlike. As with the way of such things, over time they get thrown out or given away, but this one item, this one silent assassin, secreted itself away and for decades lay as a sleeper, waiting to attack.

Let me tell you I have seen these little guys around in neighbouring villages, looking innocent in the jaunty attire, but a word of warning to the wise, DO NOT trust them!

Why peep was possessed to even take in this character let alone give it safe passage and room and board is beyond me. And then, the shame of it, to keep it quiet from me. We have no secrets from each other, we share the same food, almost, and the same bed, in parts, and definitely the same clothes.

OK when I say clothes I mean peeps wears them and I lay on them, lets face it, there is no way I would be seen wearing those outfits! purrs

But all of this is nothing to the fact that this diminutive devil with a pointy hat, evil grin and a dress sense to worry even a tramp, decided to attack me, whilst I was conducting the monthly stock take of the Palace linen and wool duvet stores.

It is a hard time consuming job, in a manner of speaking, but someone has to do it and as the last time peep got stuck trying to climb in for a nap, I selflessly volunteered to carry on the task.

Anyways, there was I minding my business, when this nefarious interloper and probable Weasel Syndicate spy (the curse of my pal Seville) cum radical insurgent, leaps from the bag in which it had hidden on the very topmost shelf of the laundry cupboard.

Now if it hadn't been for a strange, nay eerie, banshee wail I'd have have not turned to see it plummeting towards yours truly.

EEEEK! pretty much summed it up I can tell you, but in that mouses whisker of a second, I had to admire the kamikaze tactic of this ne'er do well, who, even with a midriff worse than peeps, could manage a fair turn of speed.

I mused, in those nano seconds, that the streamlined pointy hat and the lift given by it's his large pointy ears no doubt played a key role in this, and I found myself wondering if I hadn't now found a potential team member for the Palaces Olympic squad high diving team. purrs

Then, like lightning, I did what any self respecting Princess would do, I jumped.... sideways!

A close call that for sure, but the miscreant had miscalculated the elasticity of both I and the landing area and went head first into the floor with startling lack of grace. Strike this chap from the team list I thought!

Anyways, like a Princess, I pounced, and knocked the fiend around and then sat on his tummy, duly contemplating his lack of naval. Now when someone says that a person is all wind, well this guy clearly was, for no sooner than I sat, there was a pop and things went flat.



What's that you say ol' peep? It was only a toy you say? a toy gnome you say!

Well let me tell you this, that there toy gnome was more than a toy, I even found a selfie it had taken, on my desk with MY two favourite mugs! Can you believe the audacity of it? I cant, and I'm the one usually full of audacity, and mice!

So my friends, with assailant duly dispatched to the great fishing pond of assassins, let me leave you with this thought......



                                                   ........................There's gnome place like home!


                            ******************************************************************************************************************************************************************


It's Sunday Selfie Time!





I am joining the Fabulous Kitties Blue, from the wonderful Cat on my Head blog.


This week, rather than an image of yours truly, I thought I'd show you the miscreant, the naive that assailed me.... well it is a rather nice picture of my mugs and a shame to waste a Selfie.


To see what all my pals have been up to, click the images and links below and HOP on over for some more fun, and great selfies!



























58 comments:

  1. That gnome is clearly laughing at you!!! You have every right to demand the respect you deserve from that cretin! Or maybe he's laughing at the peep? I just naturally assume that any laughing going on around here is AT my Momma. I'm too handsome, too savage, and too sexy to ever be laughed AT. My Momma? Well, she's got the Kit Kat (now doughnut) habit, and she walks into things all the time, and is clueless about the most basic life survival skills. Our peeps should get together - they'd be equally clueless and speechless since we always must speak for them :) ~Bear Cat
    ps - Momma would like to add that we're sending all out love and positive thoughts to your peep on the family issue front.

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    1. Yup, I agree, it would have been at peep, and had clearly seen the weight chart... Laughing at a multi talented and clawed fine feline such as yourself, or I, would be unthinkable. Oh my, do you think that wise that we put the two together, leastways in the same place, think of the damage! think of the medical bills! My peep is trying to kick a pizza habit, messy that one, and cheese ends up everywhere! What sort of doughnuts does your peep like, mine it had to be raspberry jelly. The diet ones, with the hole in the middle were fun to get the mice jumping through but otherwise messy in the bed. Thanks for your positive thoughts, much appreciated. purrs ERin

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  2. Those banshees aren't overly fun but the nip is usually fun Princess!

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    1. A nipped up gnome, that could have been fun to see for sure, or a nightmare of an adversary. I think we will have to keep an eye on these little folk, just in case they have a craving for the nip! purrs ERin

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  3. He posed with your mugs?!? Audacity indeed! Happy Sunday!

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    1. HI Lola, I think it was a sort of machismo assassin thing. Anyways, peep has washed them for me, just in case the cream had been doped. purrs ERin

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  4. That gnome guy does look a bit sketchy, Princess Erin. Good job giving him the old heave ho! For what it's worth, though, he did a nice job of taking your selfie. :)

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    1. I have to agree, he did. Maybe if he had just wanted the Tech Support job we could have worked something out, but with part time assassin on the CV, no way! purrs ERin

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  5. Those gnomes pop up EVERYWHERE!

    The Florida Furkids

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    1. They do, it is true, I wonder if they have travel passes or get Air Miles? purrs ERin

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  6. Replies
    1. Hi Jeanne, I hopes you have a great and gnome free weekend. purrs ERin

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  7. That evil assassin gnome looks very cheerful. They are the ones to watch because the big smile is to lull you into a false sense of security.

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    1. Yup, clearly peep had been entranced by this assassins winning smile and garish clothes. Fortunately I at least have the wit and style to hear and see it for what it was and do what every Princess should do, after having a nap and a drink of cream and another nap, of course. purrs ERin

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  8. I think the gnome is teasing you Princess,xx Speedy

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    1. Hi Speedy, I think you're right, but fortunately I had ninja not gnome like reactions, and save the day. purrs from your pal, ERin

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  9. Be careful of those Gnomes Erin you just don't know what they're up to.

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    1. You're right, I'm not going to trust one of those guys again. One minute they're fishing, the next taking selfies with ones fav mug, and then trying to assassinate you. Outrageous, I'd not even invited them to the Palace! purrs ERin

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  10. Oh my Ceiling Cat ! Never trust gnomes ! And by the way, where in the world was palace security??!

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    1. Where in the world, in deed. There will be questions asked at the highest levels in the Palace, duvets will roll and sheets will be turned, I can tell you, and not just the third shelf in the cupboard! purrs ERin

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  11. Oh Meow Erin, what a trial. You narrowly escaped dat one. Glad all is well. And we hope you're havin' a great day.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. Hi Dezi, hi Raena, we sure did come close in that adventure, fortunately he was all wind and baggy trousers so we survived. Have a great week. Purrs from your pal, ERin

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  12. Never trust a gnome, Erin, especially when they put up a smile like that :D I think I could join up on that nip-lympics. When do we start... MOL :D Double Pawkiss for a wonderful day :) <3

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    1. Hmm well I think we need to form a squad and start training right away. Every four years seems far too long, so I will suggest every two years and a winter version every other year for those kitties in colder climes. Double Pawkisses too. purrs ERin

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  13. **shuddersss**
    Mee an LadyMum both share a fear of Nomess ERin!!!
    Not sure why about LadyMum, butt mee knowss they were at thee farm an they scared mee a lot....all wayss starin at mee.....
    On thee other paw yur Selfie iss gorgeeus mee furend!
    ***paw kissesss*** Siddhartha Henry xxxx

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    1. You have my sympathy, for sure. Such creatures stare far too much to be polite, and how they get away with fishing all year without a licence is beyond me just smacks of all manner of insincerity. As you say though, quite photogenic but thank goodness I hadn't hired him as Tech Support and selfie taker, else who knows where this blog might have ended up. Mouses!

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  14. Not a gnome! MOUSES! I always say NO to the gNOmes. You're right to be wary, Erin. They're almost as sneaky as weasels. MOUSES!

    Purrs,
    Seville

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    1. Just say NO to gNOmes, I agree. I shall be far more careful in my upwards investigations of cupboards and bags from now on, for sure. purrs ERin

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  15. Erin, I've heard of these characters, but I see what you mean about not trusting them! He looks impertinent there posing among your mugs like he meant no ill will when he jumped you. Untrustworthy indeed!

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    1. Flaunting his audacity he was, but no long as his selfie gave the game away. What I still haven't discovered is where he has secreted his wheel barrow and fishing rods to perpetrate his dastardly plans... purrs ERin

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  16. Off with his head- you need to give him a little push off a high shelf. :)

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    1. Yup we have a high shelf awaiting, and failing that a long plank into the moat, though I'm not sure the Kraken will appreciate the company either! purrs ERin

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  17. A gnome in the paw is worth two in...;p

    the critters in the cottage xo

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    1. Hmm, I'm sure the ending of this is.... terviews and then confiscation of fishing rods and wheeel barrows privaledges and removal from the Palace invite list! purrs ERin

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  18. Replies
    1. I agree, them gnomes seem to be up to no good where ever they appear, especially when they go fishing in peeps ponds! purrs ERin

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  19. Replies
    1. Cute is definitely how they get to you. I heard that my pals peep brought home one then a week later a whole family of the gnomes had moved in, 3ft high monster gnomes. Sadly it led to the peeps getting divorced. The gnomes were relocated to a sanctuary. purrs ERin

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  20. Those gnomes are evil little chaps! Good thing you care of him.

    We like clothes in our house, too - humans wear them, we sleep on them. LOL. That's pretty funny and very true.

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    1. Yup, sitting on him seemed to do the trick, for sure, and he won't be coming back anytime soon. My fav clothes are peeps tops, the trousers always seem way to smelly and muddy to lay on, and I do have standards to maintain. purrs ERin

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  21. That gnome is funny!

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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    1. I know what you mean, with that smile and everything, quite the whimsical chap. Peeps thinks so too but then it didn't attack peep. I think it actually just wanted to escape home, so I let it go. purrs ERin

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  22. OMC mew have an evil office, sorry palace gnome too!!! Are mew sending yours to the Gnome Rehabilitation Centre in the Outer Hebrides where we sent ours? Tricky little blighters, mew need to evict them post-haste or better still give the kraken a new mission! MOL

    Purrs

    Basil & Co xox

    P.S. if mew need any gnome-traps let mew know ;)

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    1. Oh my, I totally forgot you had your own incident, and I just had him exiled somewhere really cold and inhospitable. Alas the freezer section at the supermarket refused to store him so peep exiled him to the loft, with a view to the dustcart next week. PS do you think it would be fair on the Kraken if I just dropped him in, I mean without proper introductions? purrs ERin

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  23. Those gnomes are sneaky and cannot be trusted, Erin. Keep your eye on him...he may try to get revenge.

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    1. I sure will, there is no telling what the little chap will be up to if I let him loose on society. Better to be sat on than running around looking all innocent. stealing folks wheel barrows and fish. purrs ERin

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  24. Replies
    1. They sure are scary. Peeps says they just spend all day looking innocent with their wheelbarrows and fishing rods to lull you into false security, but come night they stalk their prey. Eeek, I think I just scared myself! ERin

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  25. Oh, those gnomes are almost as bad as those clowns, Erin. And this little guy looks like he was an especially seedy one. What a nightmare this ordeal must have been for you! Well, I sure am glad you took care of him. Whew.

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    1. Oh my, I don't want clowns either! I shall be checking ALL those nice comfy piles of clothes in the laundry rooms from now on, just in case. purrs ERin

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  26. ERin......ya gotta watch out for thoze gnomez...they bee az vizshuz az deer
    N de deer round heer iz vizshuz enuff ta try N steel de food servizz gurlz car
    .......while her watched de seen re enact { tho at de time it waz knot a re enact
    coz it waz like LIVE...anyway....just watch out for em & bee safe & haza grate
    week a head !! ♥♥♥☺☺☺

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    1. HI guys!Wow sounds like the deer round your way are far more brazen than around here, Fear not I shall be on the lookout for them, for sure! purrs ERin. PS, these deer, do they wear pointy hats and have bright clothes?

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  27. I've heard the saying...There's no place like gnome...although I never understood it. Frankly, I don't want no gnomes at my home. I got enough fursibs and raccoons to keep me busy. Plus...what do gnomes eat? I don't think my mom would like being told she now has to food shop for gnomes, along with us cats and our hoomon dad. Like the Island Cats said, gnomes are sneaky and can't be trusted. I bet they'd order pizza and use mom's charge card. Nope, no gnomes allowed at my house. Purrs! Herman!!!

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    1. Mouses! Gnomes ordering pizza! I wont be standing for that I can tell you. If any pizza is to be ordered it will be by me, and for medicinal purposes only, peeps diet that is, and not mine. purrs ERin

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  28. Keep an eye on that sneeky gnome Erin....just saying....
    Marty

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    1. Don't worry, I will. It is currently locked away pending a thorough debrief and then rehoming! Our pal, Basil of the Bionic Basil fame, says there is a Gnome Rehabilitation Centre in the Outer Hebrides. I think ours will be going there, if the postage is not too dear! purrs ERin

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  29. I hope your peep is doing okay with the family illness. Sending warm thoughts. And wow, that gnome sure does look HAPPY!

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    1. Thank you, yes things are going ok for the time being. Hmmm, that smile is just so very not right, in fact I thought about making said gnome where a mask on account of having the big ears to hook it over, but apparently it is politically incorrect to say he has big ears so that idea is gone. purrs ERin

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