****** More snipping sounds ******
What you doing, peep?
****** Yet more snipping sounds ******
****** Silence ******
****** Snipping sounds ******
Oh my word, whats a Princess to do to get attention around here. Mouses!
Those cursed charging leads peep has in the ears. I swear one of these days peep will be overcharged and will end up running around the Palace until I can manage to short things out. Just as well I always have some tin foil to paw to lay on the floor to short out peeps legs. purrs
Seems like everyone these days has plugs in their ears. Peep, to be fair, doesn't wear them that often, well not since the incident with battery charging leads!
Ah there you are, I thought that ninja jump of mine with onto the tape deck would sort things out. Now what are you doing Ol' pal o' mine that this little sweet defenceless Princess can't have her tummy rubbed?
It's gotta be something mighty exciting, not to mention fun and appetising to enthral you so long and drive you to snip out page after page, am I right?
Is it recipes for cream and nip sou flay, or or maybe sour cream and cheese and nip surprise, you know where the cream isn't sour and the nip is sprinkled like a landslide on a snow driven antarctic plain?
Whats the surprise you say?
Well I haven't quite fathomed that out, but I'm working my way through those snowdrifts as we speak, and we all know the ice is pretty deep in that there area. Maybe in a year or two I will discover but till then I cant stint in my efforts, no ma'am, a great adventurer such as myself needs to go the extra yard possibly three to get the prize.
Hmm, that has just reminded me that I need to have the fridge moved close to my study, save valuable seconds worth of nappin... er... valuable work time, for sure. purrs
Anyways, now you're unplugged, peeps ol' pal, what's you doing?
I BEG YOUR PARDON!
What do you mean BOGOFF, BOGOFF!
Is that any way to talk to your nearest and dearest, your bosom bud, your BFFF, your very own purveyor conveyor surveyor motivator leveller and consumer, not in any particular order, of all things cheese cream sparrow mice and nip, not necessarily in that order and sometimes all at once, and sorter of everything, also not necessarily in any order time or time.
Now look, if you carry on like this I will just have to impose sanctions on your pizza and doughnut allowance!
And there's no need to go waving bits of paper at me, I mean the last time someone did, that Neville Chamberlain peep, they started a war!
Whats that peep, it's a money off voucher you say? Buy One Get One Free, you say?
Well why didn't you say so, I mean that is spelt quite differently B O G O F in fact.
Hang on, so do think that Neville peep had been given a duff a discount voucher, and it wasn't what he wanted? or had it expired? is that why he was waving it about. Heck, I can sure appreciate why he'd have been miffed if he'd got to the checkout and the peep had said "Sorry, love, cant have that cat food as the vouchers past due." That would get my goat too...
Peeps, on that subject, do we have a goat? I can't recall ever seeing one around the Palace, and I'm fairly sure I would have noticed sets of horns wandering around, and I'm fairly sure that the Kraken isn't keen on goats, unless it's to use as tooth picks!
Hmm, now I think on it, them horns would be a great place to hang some of the laundry to dry, and as they are mobile they could wander around following the sun and keeping the lawns neat too! I do believe I have just solved our gardener and cleaner shortage. purrs
Anyways, so what you got the vouchers for? is it free cream? or better still free mice?
Lets have a look here....
****** Rustling of papers ******
Hmm 70% off jeans, 50% off shoes. REALLY? Surely you have shorts and sandals already, why waste the money buying others to only chop bits off?
Whats that? it's 70% off the purchase price, not the size, you say?
Well I don't know about you peeps, ol' size challenged one, but I would have thought it obvious that it wasn't the actual size, I mean there would be no way you could fit into a size three shoe, not when you're a size six, though having said that if they were size three sandals your toes could stick out through the front and sides.
Anyhow, I digress, isn't there something useful in that there pile of clippings? surely it cant all be for pizza and doughnuts? Surely there must be some nice peeps giving away free cat food, or a make over, for you not me I hasten to add... hmm that would need to be two for the price of one to get the job done.
Now look peeps ol' pal, I cant see anything useful in this here pile of discounts as we don't actually use most of these products. And those we do do you have been banned from using again. Take the time you used that hair spray, near the gas stove. NO? well I do, and I still can't the smell of burnt ...... and don't go getting any ideas about those food storage boxes with blue lids on page two, we have kitchens full of them, not to mention the fact I have had to redesign Bathroom Fours colour scheme to match.
Ooooh! Now this one looks interesting, buy one whipped cream get another half price.... And what about that bulk buy mail order cheese offer, that one there, over by the expanding waistband skirt, and two down from the comfy fit, zip sided tartan slippers with the buy one get on free offer. Hmm, I wonder if it's the left or right you buy, I mean a one legged right footed peep would want to know, especially if the right foot was free. purrs
Erm, peeps, you know how you always wanted to go on that world cruise, well I think I might just have the answer, and it's cheaper too. This advert right here, right at the back, says I can get you an inflatable dinghy, life jacket and snorkel flipper set for the special, water damage, fire sale, introductory never to be repeated special ninety percent off price of only £1000.
I think that is an absolute bargain, we have the moat, and I can pack your lunch box and the Kraken can maybe provide some of the in-cruise cabaret entertainment, what more can you ask? and absolutely no passport issues. In fact if it rains you can always come home for your supper......
Peeps, have you just fainted? Look there is a voucher over on page four for a free home Dr kit, only £99.... quick pass over the phone and I'll give them a call. I'm sure with the offer of free postage it will be here next week, and you can take it on the cruise, what do you think?
Peeps, peeps, say something, anything, even fifty percent of something will do!