Sunday, 2 October 2016

The Affair, The End!

Previously at the Palace....... 


Hang on, Marmalade................. the CAT!

Noooooooo!

Hmmm, this looks interesting, a mail from  the Lady Penelope, arranging a meeting to pick up.... some jam? 90 miles seems an awfully long way to go just to get something for the mornings toast, especially as peeps is watching the figure and Type 2 diabetes.

Very suspicious, I best read on....

OK, seems like it wasn't jam but marmalade, that does make it better, nothing quite like a bit o....



OH MY WORD!


THE STORY CONTINUES......

.
It's true, there is another, a cat called Marmalade, and peep is off this very day to go and get her!

I'm doomed! Lost, done for, and otherwise a has been, past it and thrown on the scrap heap of...... erm unwanted princessness. Mouses!

I knew it, it was my ears, my tummy and my... er, actually I think my bu.... derriere is quite fit, on account of all the jumping I do. Still maybe I could do with an extra workout? Trim a mouses whisker, and maybe a leg here and there.

****** Sniffles ******


****** Snuffles ******


****** Sobs ******

I think I'll go and pack my bags. I can hand over the keys and the instruction book to the new.... er.... is Marmalade a boys or girls name?

In fact is Marmalade a Princesses or Princes name? Heck I can't just abdicate my post and my Palace for any old Tom or Tabitha. This Princess has standards you know. In fact whilst I think about it, I'll take the flag down and roll it up as that's mine, and I earned that, even Santa said I had.



Hang on, actually the more I think about it, I earned all of this. I made all this happen, with the help of my pals, so why should I have to give it up?

Why should peep, who I dragged from the gutter of despair, get to criticise and reject me because of my ears and midriff, I mean have you seen peep's tummy and behind?

OK thankfully you won't, but let me tell you that Christmas won't see that peep getting down any chimneys, for sure, let alone getting into the Christmas outfit. I always said a toga was far more appropriate, that or a tent. Mouses!

Right that does it, I am resolved. I've had enough. I shall confront peep and this.... this usurper, and have it out with her... er... him, whatever!

Right, best get some air to clear my head, and maybe a nap and a diet protein snack to fortify myself for the confrontation to come. This Princess won't go down without a fight, no ma'am. For England, for Queen, and for my Palace. Oh and a rather large order of cream I really want to get to try. I shall stand proud, stand firm and .... hmm, I do think I better have these claws done before I head out, I wonder if it's too late too book myself in? purrs

****** Some time later *****

Oh, seems like peep is home already. Right, it's all about the entrance. Nothing says it better than a good entrance. Maybe I should get a rat and drop it off for added effect? Says more than flowers that's for sure. purrs

ERIN FIGHTS BACK......




OK here goes, full steam ahead!

****** Clatter and general disarray as cat flap disintegrates ******

Ouch! that really didn't go quite as planned, I seem to have destroyed the door, Mouses! Best call the DIY peep and have that fixed, I mean I can't have the Palace going around exposing itself, just NOT the done thing.  Purrs

And, talking of DIY, of the un-enabled kind that is, I would have thought peep would have come to my aid, or be calling the triage nurse, though heavens know why it takes three, one would be more than enough for me. purrs

Strange, I can't hear anything at all. The birds have stopped singing and even the mice have stopped squeaking.... OK so that is most likely my fault, but in the movies something bad always happens when it goes quiet, unless its a mime. purrs

I best be on my guard, maybe this is one of those coup d'etat things. Or an assassination attempt, and another of those gnomes has been hired to do for me!

Right, the best defence is an offence, so I best find out where that cat is and exactly what it is peep is up to.... scheming do doubt.

****** A few minutes and a few flights of stairs later ******

Phew, I really must get those stairs sorted, maybe have them lowered a few inches....

Right, door to master bedroom is open, and so all I have to do is go in and catch them at it. Big bold entrance and hold nothing back, go for the throat and failing that I can usually get hold of peeps toes.

Here goes....

HISSSSS!!!

HISSSSS!!!

OK you two, what do you think you're up to, huh? You, cat, going behind my back, trying to worm your way into peeps affections, after my Palace, my title, and my cream! Well this Princess ain't....

Er....

Is anyone here?

Hello?..........


A SURPRISE FOR ERIN......


Oh there you are peep, what are you doing? I mean WHAT ARE YOU DOING! and WHERE IS THAT CAT, Marmalade!

Over there you say, by that large silver insulated bubble wrap package?

I can't see anything, are you sure you haven't just made all this up, a trick to get me thrown out of the Palace for being nuttier than a squirrel making nut pies kind of nutty?.... Hang on, no wonder I can't see the cat, Marmalade is a Cheshire Cat! The ones that are invisible bar the grin.

Oh my, I cant compete with that, though I am good at making things disappear, all the time in fact.

In deed last week I vanished six mice. OK it was actually seven but the last two were a bit small so I only counted them as half each. purrs

Right, where was I? OK, where is this usurper, this apple of your askew eye, this, this replacement ne'er do well, jackanapes.

What???


What do you mean, It's in the bag!

Surely you haven't put a poor defenceless yet surprisingly usurping kitty in that, that large foil insulated.... erm.... thing! She isn't on ice is she, like a frozen cat from pre-history........ Eeek! Marmalade isn't a sabre tooth! and only stopped from mauling and killing by being suspended in that cryogenic package!

What the heck, why on earth do you need one of those when you have me, I mean what has she got that I don't huh? answer me that!


Thought as much, I have you stumped don't I, I can always tell from that glazed look and dropped jaw.

And what are you going to do with her? It isn't easy keeping a sabre tooth I can tell you, OK I can't tell you, but it will be costly, for sure. For starters all the flaps will need changing and the decor will have to be a red, to hide the stains. Oh and not forgetting all the new linen and towels. That will blow the budget for the next few years. purrs

And have you thought about the neighbours? what with all the blood curdling screams, not to mention the corpses! Mind you, probably won't have to worry about them for too long. Mouses!

Best you get onto the utility peeps and have them change us to on-line meter readings from now on, as a dare say they won't have any readers left to read our meter once word gets out.

Anyways, if you think this Princess is hanging around to pick up the pieces or to be a tooth pick for that behemoth, then you have another thing coming... I shall get my stuff from behind that the cryogenic unit and I'll.....

be......

Er peeps, I hate to put a dampener on your whole parade, but aren't you a concerned that this here Marmalade is a bit quiet, and looking at that packaging, a bit thin too?

Are you sure you she didn't get squashed in transit, or is she in need of re-hydrating? You do know us cats do need to have plenty of fluids?

You haven't been conned again have you, like the everlasting doughnut fiasco? I mean nice though that lump of wood with a hole in it was, I doubt if anyone other than a woodworm would find it tasty!

Let me have a look and see what mess you've got yourself into this time. I dare say if that cat is in there it will want get out of that packaging asap.

Right here goes, I shall just give this a tug....

Whats that peep? Of course I can, heck, there is no need to get so animated about this, I have it all under control.

No seriously, there is no need to turn red, and jumping off the bed at that pace won't do you or your blood pressure any good either. I just need to push here and, et voila!

****** Almighty crashing sound and breaking of glass ******

Umm, peeps, by any chance was Marmalade frozen? If so I think maybe I she has just had her expectations shattered, into a few bits. Yup, maybe more than a few. Mouses!

OK, don't panic, you call the vet and I will go and make a cup of tea.

What?


What's that? Marmalade is a picture of a cat!

Hmm, so are you telling me that you have a dehydrated frozen copy of a saber tooth cat, called Marmalade, in that there bag and it has just broken into countless bits?

Well I'll be. Why all the secrecy, seems like a perfectly.....

Hang on, if Marmalade is a picture, where did all that hair come from that I found on your clothes?

Really? You mean it was from a paintbrush? Well I never, who knew cats could paint, not I for sure.

OK you go and tidy up this mess and I will go and see if the vet can take Marmalade in as an emergency appointment, or do you think I should be phoning the frozen food section at the supermarket? purrs




Rest assured I will have my eye on Marmalade just in case, after all, sleeping cats don't lie....

========================================================================

Its Sunday Selfie time!


Hosted by the fantastic and always charming, Kitties Blue, over at the Cat on My Head blog. Hurrah for Sunday! 



This weeks photo was taken during the morning exercise routines that peep and I do each day, Stretching 101. Also handy whilst napping!


To see what all our wonderful pals are up to, just click the images below, and enjoy the Hop!














40 comments:

  1. Wow - what a denouement Erin! You had me worried for a moment there! Palace for sale! Erin packing her bags!!
    Thank goodness it was picture - and a splendid one as well! I hope the glass can be mended!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks guys, it was quite an episode, for sure. I had offered to reglaze the picture from one of our glasshouses, but peep was for some reason a bit reluctant, I can't think why? purrs to you all. Erin

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  2. What a relief! How many kittehs have had their homes invaded by a usurper?! Even I, Toby, had to deal with the onset of Leia lo these many years ago. You got off easy, Princess.

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    Replies
    1. Thank goodness, I can only hope it never really happens to me! I think I will have to keep a closer watch on peep in future, just in case... purrs ERin

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  3. I'm sure happy you decided to stay. You have gone through a lot of work to make things there perfect - why give all that up and start over again. Great selfies!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, sometimes it seems easier to go than face out fears, in reality it is the other way round! purrs ERin

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  4. Now Erin, you know you are, and will always be, THE Princess of Sweetness!

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    Replies
    1. Thank You Brian, you are too kind and I blush once more, you are a true Gentlecat and always welcome at home, our home. purrs ERin

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  5. Whew....that was a close one!!

    The Florida Furkids

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    Replies
    1. Too close for comfort, for sure! I shall have my eye on Marmalade just in case, but peep is true and honest. purrs ERin

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  6. Whew you had us scared for a bit there! Erin you do have it just like you want there, so we are glad things have all settled themselves out!

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    Replies
    1. I do like the Palace on an even keel, or is it portcullis? Anyways, as they say, all's well that doesn't end in tears! Doesnt say anything about broken glass though! purrs ERin

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  7. Oh sweet bootyful Erin, we think your ears are purrfect. And while we don't see your peep givin' ya' da boot any time soon, you're welcome to come and stay at our place. It's small and humble, but we's got lots of luv to share. Hace a pawsum day.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh you are all so kind, and thank you. I would love to have a home with you all if I need to escape, not that I have any tax issues or anything! purrs for a blessed day. ERin

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  8. I was very worried for you! Thank goodness that Marmalade is a painting, and a lovely one at that.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Flynn, all's well that ends well, well, bar breaking the glass in the picture! purrs ERin

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  9. Whew, I'm glad it seems to have worked out and that Marmalade is just a beautiful painting! Nice selfie, too!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, she is really. I am having the glass replaced and then she will be as right as rain. All's well that ends well. purrs ERin

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  10. Erin you should stay cautious... Joey tolds me that at Cat CATastrophes you tube house there am cats that come out of catalogs and paintings and pillows - all live!!!

    So be furry careful... better still hide the painting in a bird cage or bird bath or turn it into an airplane and fly it out the window!! -Lil Bear, who believes anything that Joey the Nike Cat says.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oooh, I will be careful in deed. You are the second pal to warn me of this! Never fear, I shall have peep watch it day and night, and as a safe guard we are installing a security cam for the Kraken to watch over us. I'd like to see anything get past that combo! purrs ERin

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  11. That is a nice painting. I am glad you weren't being overthrown from your kingdom.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, peep likes it a lot though I still think I am better looking. Anyway, peace is restored and all forgiven... nearly. purrs ERin

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  12. As I always say, cats can't be trusted - no matter the number of dimensions they possess! But you better keep your eyes on that Smarmy Marmy heathen! Apparently, cats can get trapped into a flat world and then "poof" back to three dimensions. Don't believe me? Check these out:
    http://animalist.com/catastrophes/cats-get-stuck-in-odd-places
    http://animalist.com/catastrophes/cats-get-stuck-in-odd-places-part-two
    ~Bear Cat
    ps - if you don't already follow Catastrophes, you should. Their videos are hilarious!
    These are great too ...
    Cats/dump trucks - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjV8ylIpVBA
    Cat/sexting - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6s_fhAtlIM
    cat toy deposits - http://animalist.com/catastrophes/the-real-reason-cats-toss-their-toys-under-the-sto

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, I would never have realized had I not seen these videos. Thank you for sharing. Do you think they are planning a Christmas invasion? Maybe I should revive my Nut Squad to tackle the issue, like last Christmas... what do you think?

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  13. Replies
    1. Frights seem to be all the rage here at the Palace these days. But not having to fight a sabertooth sort of takes a load off my mouse hunting schedule! purrs ERin

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  14. Marmalade does make for a great painting, but there's only one Princess (and that's YOU, ERin)! :)

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    1. Aww, thank you, you are too kind, I think I am blushing. I shall make sure peep reads this a lot, just to make sure there is no confusion. purrs ERin

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  15. Whew! That was a close one, for sure. Way better to share your castle with such a BEAUTIFUL pictures (and it IS extremely beautiful, by the way) than a couple of long-haired marmies. Believe me, I know. MOUSES!

    Purrs,
    Seville

    PS. Did you know that I, Seville the Cat, was named after marmalade? MOUSES!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh those long haired marmies do seem to give some problems, do you think maybe they could be traded in for, say, another you?

      purrs ERin

      PS. peep says Seville makes the best home made marmalade ever. Well naturally, I said, if it's like his blog then it will be perfect!

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  16. Great read, Erin! You had us gripped. Glad it was just a picture :)

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

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    Replies
    1. Me too, but I'm keeping my eye on it just in case! purrs ERin

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  17. I think we may be related but when I see those ears, I'm not so sure! Sending you thanks for visiting my selfies!
    Loulou

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehe, don't worry about the ears, that was just bad luck and living the rough and wild life on the streets. Nice though that is, I like the Palace more. Thanks for coming to see my story and selfie, too. purrs ERin

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  18. Replies
    1. Oh yes, I am so pleased nothing was going on. I am going to keep a tight paw on Palace picture procurement from now on though! purrs ERin

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  19. Erin, I could've swore MOUSES I commented here last week??? Tres bizarre fur sure, anyhoo good news - I told mew not too wurry! MOL

    Purrs

    Basil & Co xox

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    Replies
    1. I thought you had too! Oh well, maybe it was some sneaky attack by those pesky squirrels! Anyways, you's were right, but I still have my eye on Marmalade! well one eye.... ok half an eye a quarter of the time! purrs ERin

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  20. well it is quite a nice painting but it ought to be of you! And your stretching looks very relaxing might I say

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    1. I agree, but so far I haven't found anyone to paint me... Peep will happily have me immortalized in oils, but it does sound like a lot of time lying around doing nothing.. Hmmm, actually that sounds like fun! purrs

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