* paw prod *
Are you awake yet?
What do you mean 'NO'?
You sure sound awake, what with all that fake snoring going on!
Look, this is super urgent, I mean super super with bells on, urgent. In fact it is so urgent I dare say we need a new Cat called Egor Y for it! Though why you'd want another cat when you have me, Eri N, I don't know. Mouses!
What's that peep? it's Cat-e-gory you say? Well I'm not sure there was any blood involved, feline or otherwise, though there may be some peep blood if you don't stop snoring and pay attention.
I spot 'Something Important' on the horizon.....
Anyways I digress. This is an emergency and I need you, peep, to help out.
It says here on this card, that Christmas is coming, right? OK just nod and try to look vaguely awake. In fact let me lend you a paw, which I happen to have freshly dunked in the puddle outside. Great look, and don't worry, that mud will wash off in a thirty degree wash.
How'd I know?
Um..... Well..... Er... Well you remember last month and the incident with the washing line, the geese, and the Kraken?
Breaking the News to Peep!
Of course, as the mud is on your face I think some soap will cover it. purrs.
Anyhow. As I was saying, we have a crisis, CHRISTMAS IS COMING!
I know it comes each year, well I only discovered that lately, but that's not the point. Now I know its coming we need to be prepared. A years notice is far too short for these things. Maybe it should be two?
And then there's this list.... this new list that came with the post this week. What? you've not seen it? Well I think you'll need to get a move on as I don't think I can do everything this list says.
For starters, and by that I don't mean nip cracker entrees, nice though they are, what I mean is, where will I get half a penny from? let alone a penny. I know there is a lot of pennies dropping around the Palace, especially when you've not had your morning coffee, but....
I do some Accounting and find that.....
Where are all those pennies going, hmmmmm?
There should be so many, that you'd have thought by now I'd have been a multi-million-pennyaire, but can I find any of these pennies? No ma'am, maybe we have a penny thief roaming the dark corridors around peep's bedroom, ready to snatch said penny, or in deed half a penny if it was a half brained idea.
Anyways finding penny thieves isn't the major issue, well not according to this new list. What we, meaning you, peep, ol' unfit one, have to do next is positively dangerous beyond belief!
Yup, it's fair to say that there is no way that this Princess is going to tackle one of those guys especially after the last incident with the laundry. I mean how was I to know you couldn't put a goose through a thirty degree wash! Took weeks to get all the feathers out the laundry room. OK so that was a hypothetical goose, and I'm going to take the fifth on the rest. Mouses!
And as to getting said goose fat, well I can only suggest you, peepers, get busy with the pizza, doughnuts and Prosecco, which seems to work well for you. purrs
But, has anyone actually asked said goose if they want plumping up? I bet not, and if you have a gander at this here new set of instructions it says the goose is getting fat. Surely this is a warning and the wisest thing would be to put said goose on a diet before Christmas. What with all the dressing up that goes on, no lady likes to look plump at this time of year, especially not with parties to go to.
Anyways, if the Palace geese get any fatter they won't be able to out-paddle the Kraken on the moat, and she does like to get her daily exercise. You don't get slim tentacles like hers playing on the computer, and that daily couple of laps around the moat chasing the geese is a great workout. That and chasing the electricity meter reader that came last week. I swear she did the fastest backstroke I have seen since the Olympics, probably losing her boots did it, less drag. purrs
So peep, ol' sleepy one, what say you to a couple of laps round the moat, with the Kraken, to fitten up for chasing those geese? Then once you have them, you can give them their invites to the Christmas party.
The sooner the better, in fact I heard tell that they were more than a bit upset about the whole thing, probably because they'd not had their invites. In fact I heard some say that they may be flying South for Christmas instead!
That just wouldn't do now would it, especially as I've just ordered tons of their favourite food. I mean what am I going to do with all that stuffing???