Wednesday, 7 December 2016

Christmas is coming!

Erm.... Peep?

* paw prod *

Are you awake yet?

*muffled sound....*

What do you mean 'NO'?

You sure sound awake, what with all that fake snoring going on!

Look, this is super urgent, I mean super super with bells on, urgent. In fact it is so urgent I dare say we need a new Cat called Egor Y for it! Though why you'd want another cat when you have me, Eri N, I don't know. Mouses!

What's that peep? it's Cat-e-gory you say? Well I'm not sure there was any blood involved, feline or otherwise, though there may be some peep blood if you don't stop snoring and pay attention.

What?

I spot 'Something Important' on the horizon.....


Oooh, so that is what you meant! Well why didn't you just say type in the first place, though I'm not sure Egor Y will be very happy being pigeon holed like that. On which subject, I really must have words with Miss Description about said holes and pigeons. I mean, I've never yet seen a pigeon in a hole! For one thing I'm fairly certain it wouldn't fit and I dare say the mouses would not be pleased with all the noise them guys make. On the plus side, for the mouses, the soft feathers would make a lovely bed. purrs

Anyways I digress. This is an emergency and I need you, peep, to help out.

It says here on this card, that Christmas is coming, right? OK just nod and try to look vaguely awake. In fact let me lend you a paw, which I happen to have freshly dunked in the puddle outside. Great look, and don't worry, that mud will wash off in a thirty degree wash.

How'd I know?

Um..... Well..... Er... Well you remember last month and the incident with the washing line, the geese, and the Kraken?

You don't?

Breaking the News to Peep!


OH. Well it never happened, that incident with the washing line, the geese, and the Kraken, that never ever happened, but if it did, which it didn't, ever, then I can guarantee most definitely in a purely hypothetical, and speculative guessing sort of a way, that a thirty degree wash would shift most stains, and slime, and those funny shaped things geese's tend to leave on the lawn. Absolutely. But we didn't ever do that, but it is something to bear in mind should it happen again.... er.... again as in a non happening theoretical test situation. purrs

Of course, as the mud is on your face I think some soap will cover it. purrs.

Anyhow. As I was saying, we have a crisis, CHRISTMAS IS COMING!

I know it comes each year, well I only discovered that lately, but that's not the point. Now I know its coming we need to be prepared. A years notice is far too short for these things. Maybe it should be two?

And then there's this list.... this new list that came with the post this week. What? you've not seen it? Well I think you'll need to get a move on as I don't think I can do everything this list says.

For starters, and by that I don't mean nip cracker entrees, nice though they are, what I mean is, where will I get half a penny from? let alone a penny. I know there is a lot of pennies dropping around the Palace, especially when you've not had your morning coffee, but....

I do some Accounting and find that.....


And there's another thing!

Where are all those pennies going, hmmmmm?

There should be so many, that you'd have thought by now I'd have been a multi-million-pennyaire, but can I find any of these pennies? No ma'am, maybe we have a penny thief roaming the dark corridors around peep's bedroom, ready to snatch said penny, or in deed half a penny if it was a half brained idea.

Anyways finding penny thieves isn't the major issue, well not according to this new list. What we, meaning you, peep, ol' unfit one, have to do next is positively dangerous beyond belief!

Yup, it's fair to say that there is no way that this Princess is going to tackle one of those guys especially after the last incident with the laundry. I mean how was I to know you couldn't put a goose through a thirty degree wash! Took weeks to get all the feathers out the laundry room. OK so that was a hypothetical goose, and I'm going to take the fifth on the rest. Mouses!

And as to getting said goose fat, well I can only suggest you, peepers, get busy with the pizza, doughnuts and Prosecco, which seems to work well for you. purrs

But, has anyone actually asked said goose if they want plumping up? I bet not, and if you have a gander at this here new set of instructions it says the goose is getting fat. Surely this is a warning and the wisest thing would be to put said goose on a diet before Christmas. What with all the dressing up that goes on, no lady likes to look plump at this time of year, especially not with parties to go to.

Anyways, if the Palace geese get any fatter they won't be able to out-paddle the Kraken on the moat, and she does like to get her daily exercise. You don't get slim tentacles like hers playing on the computer, and that daily couple of laps around the moat chasing the geese is a great workout. That and chasing the electricity meter reader that came last week. I swear she did the fastest backstroke I have seen since the Olympics, probably losing her boots did it, less drag. purrs

So peep, ol' sleepy one, what say you to a couple of laps round the moat, with the Kraken, to fitten up for chasing those geese? Then once you have them, you can give them their invites to the Christmas party.

The sooner the better, in fact I heard tell that they were more than a bit upset about the whole thing, probably because they'd not had their invites. In fact I heard some say that they may be flying South for Christmas instead!

That just wouldn't do now would it, especially as I've just ordered tons of their favourite food. I mean what am I going to do with all that stuffing???


<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

47 comments:

  1. Oh, Erin. You crack us up. Especially about your Kraken, the geese and the moat. I bet your Peep can't keep up with you (we certainly can't!). Are you sure there's not a bit of an implied threat in your selfie today? Those are mighty sharp claws you have!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm, well I think peep is working on the basis if one goes slow enough everything will come back round to you. Personally, I tried that with mice and it just doesn't work! Daily routines always includes a claw sharpening session, oft on peep when we spar. purrs Erin

      Delete
  2. Replies
    1. Thank You Jeanne, you too. purrs ERin

      Delete
  3. Restocking the moat sounds pretty important Erin and you're looking darn cute today!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank You, Brian, keeping the Palace livestock fit is not an easy job, for sure! Chasing mice, sparrows and moles into peak fitness takes a skilled paw, not to mention all the naps and countless doses of cream. purrs

      Delete
  4. Love your new header, Erin!

    You are such a great story teller too. A very talented princess kitty :)

    Purrs xx
    Athena and Marie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Ann at Zoolatry did all the artwork before she had hurt herself. So we are very lucky to have any decorations at all this year. If it had been left to peep it would have been a holy bush covered in tin foils and Brussels sprouts. Mouses!

      Delete
  5. Oh dear oh dear oh dear Christmas is COMING!!! Hello pretty Erin!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi AbbeyGrace. Yup I know this is quite shocking, but it is coming, AGAIN! There was I just getting over the last lot of Brussels sprouts and seems like I will have more to deal with. MOUSES!

      Delete
  6. Oh, boy, send some of that stuffing MY way, you sweet adorable kitty. We might have something to put it in, heh heh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OK, sounds like a plan! I shall get one of those geese to drop it off on route, that is if you're in Canada or the South of France! purrs ERin

      Delete
  7. Well you have just reminded me, Erin! My moat needs a bit of attention!! *wonders whether Amazon does a deal on Krakens?*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Psst! Austin, if you nip over and see Basil, he will be able to sort you out a Kraken. Or I can lend you mine for a few weeks. I think you'll find she brings a certain air to the place and you won't have any pesky visitors either... mind you, you might not have any visitors if she is to enthusiastic. MOUSES!

      Delete
  8. Oh Erin, we just luv your fotos. Da furst makes you look so inquisitive. And da second? Well we do believe dat may be our favorite today fur sure. You look so adorable cute. And da third? well you look just gawjus. Yep, you do. Good luck with peeps and da geese. We thought we were never gonna get mommy outta bed this meownin'. She kept mumblin' somethin' 'bout it bein' cold. Hmmmpht Like you, we gotta get ready fut this Christmas dat be comin'. MOL Big hugs to ya'll and fanks fur bein' our furiends.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Dezi, Hi Raena sorry I have just seen this in my in box! So very pleased you liked the pictures, No. 2 is my favourite too! I always insist peep has to get out of bed to get the recycling done, well to recycle the heat stored in the mattress and duvet. MOL. Have a great week. purrs ERin

      Delete
  9. Hi Erin! Let me know how that food to paw delivery system works out. I fear every day Bob is going to learn my Amazon password and have all his heart's desires delivered with free 2nd day delivery. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Erin, you sound like the lady: "Ack! Christmas is coming!"

    The geese would probably be much better off going south instead of responding to invites for dinner! I'm glad to see your selfie and that you're being served just like you should!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aww, if the went south they would miss our New Year party too! I thought I would have mutton this time... Strangely the sheep have said they will be out of town that weekend so it looks like just peep for lunch. I'm not that bad a cook, I think? purrs ERin

      Delete
  11. There's always so much to do to get ready for Christmas, isn't there?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're not kidding. I have my Santa list to write for one, then the back up Santa list, the emergency back up Santa list should the first two get lost in the post... Thank goodness the shopping list was easy, that's just cream, nip, and Niptini! purrs Erin

      Delete
  12. I hope your Peeps manage to get it together in time for Christmas. You are a princess and shouldn't have to worry about the details.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alas there's no way will things will be right on the day if I don't lend a paw. I will even have to chase the Brussels sprouts around to make sure they escape before peep starts cooking lunch. Mouses! Erin

      Delete
  13. You are a saint for enduring such a Peep!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Saint ERin, the Cat Princess, has a certain ring to it... do I get cheap air travel and a mouse allowance with that? purrs ERin

      Delete
  14. Hi Erin! Can you believe Mommy calls me Kraken sometimes? She says "Oh no, I've awoken the Kraken." Some nerve. We always love your stories.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lola! Really, you get called that? Our Kraken is a real sweetheart, underneath it all, which I'm sure you are too. purrs ERin

      Delete
  15. We think we need a moat. Will Santa Paws bring us one?? Nice selfie, Erin!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Every cat should have a moat, maybe two! I think you have to put a request in early, then Santa sends some elves to give a quote for the moat. Then if it's agreeable and you've been good that year, they dig it out Christmas night. Be warned that you do need to tell your peep not to run out the front door on Christmas morning, as it could get a bit soggy. MOUSES!

      Delete
  16. Wow, Christmas, geese and the Kracken -- the holidays really are quite busy at your castle, Erin!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You just wouldn't believe how well organised I have to be, I know I dont! MOL Thankfully it is for just one day so everyone chips in and helps out. Come Boxing Day it is all back to normal, and the fights start over who gets to NOT take the Krakens wrong size cardigan back to the shop and explain about the water damage! purrs ERin

      Delete
  17. Am there going to be a Chrissymouse pawty with Geese as the guests of honor or Krackens... or crackers...?? The Mom had trouble following your trains of thoughts deerest Erin. Maybe Mom am just crackers as she could have sworn that you mentioned something about hypotheticalness and moats around the palace filled with cereal that goes snap, Krackle Pop. Did you know there are crackers called club house and they are not cookies or biscuits and fur some reason they have their own club vs saltines who are just salty and mom says they taste like cardbored. Maybe the crackers are bored and don't want to invite anyone to their clubhouse...

    Howsumever the mom am so busy looking after us kids and Nana and emergencies and all that - well we are going to be sending virtual cards of sorts... by facebook and email vs mail by snails. I do hope there will be tea at your Christmas Pawty and we can chase the geese until we are all crackers from catnip.

    -Katie Kitty Too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the party may well be off, and the sheep have pulled out of the new Years party too. I had some mutton order too. Ho hum, looks like I'll be cooking for peep only this year... Mouse broth for starters followed by Brussels Sprout Surprise... which means I don't put sprouts in it! Crackers with clubs and houses? Wow the US has it all, over here we just have RITZ crackers and cheese thins, which just are never thick enough!
      If you are in the area please feel free to drop by... its an open drawbridge party, bring your own nip, but I have lashings of cream and the moat will be filled with Niptini! Thankfully the Kraken is not affected by that... shes tea total! purrs ERin

      Delete
  18. "Oh purrty gurl,
    Oh purrty gurl,
    yur toesiess are so purrty!!
    Oh purrty gurl,
    Oh purrty ERin,
    yur face iss luvley...."
    (sung to thee melody of "Oh Katmas Tree")
    Yur lookin so purrty!!!
    ~~head rubsss~~ Siddhartha Henry~~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooh, I have never been sung to before, and by a Prince too! Thank you so much Siddhartha Henry, you verse is music to my ears! purrs and headbumps... Erin (all ablush)

      Delete
  19. You should sell tickets for the Kracken chasing the geese event. You could make a fortune.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Flynn, that's a great idea! This could go global! TV rights and franchises, maybe a world tour when the geese fly South! Right all I need to do is find a personal trainer for the Kraken... hmm on second thoughts this could get messy! purrs ERin

      Delete
  20. I agree, one year's notice for Christmas is just too short! There is so much planning and prepping that needs to be taken into account.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Now that is what I like to hear. I shall tear December out of the 2017 calendar and that way we will have to wait until 2018 before it comes around again. Simple, I dont know why I didnt do that before! purrs ERin

      Delete
  21. Oh Erin, we were MOL-ing and MOL-ing reading this, so sorry the kraken is 'taking care' of the meter reading peeps and postal delivery peeps and any other misguided errant peep that happens to wander on to the palace grounds, though you won't be getting any more bills these days thus the palace is supurr efficient to run - that in itself is worth having a kraken fur! MOL Ours got rid of some pesky papawrazzi peeps fur good the other week! MOL Purrs Basil & Co xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, the Kraken is doing a grand job, for sure, and really low maintenance. All I need is to make sure I order a parcel from Amazon and I get a free meal delivery too! purrs ERin

      Delete
  22. Please let me know if those geese RSVP. Inquirin' minds wanna know.

    Purrs,
    Seville

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Roger that, but I'm guessing it will be by airmail so may take a while! purrs Erin

      Delete
  23. Oh my cat this Kraken racing could become an annual Christmas event!!

    Imagine the fun (as long as its not too cold!!

    Happy (if late) Sunday Selfie.

    The Dash Kitten Crew

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi guys, really pleased and happy you could make it. Yup I think that could be as popular as the Queens speech. Christmas lunch followed by the Queens speech then a spot of racing, what more could a peep want? Besides nip and cream that is. purrs Erin

      Delete
  24. ONE WHOLE YEAR'S NOTICE!! Outrageous! Where is your peep when you need him?? And Kraken chasing geese!! Do we still allow this in the 22nd Century????

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, seems like peep is everywhere but here, for sure. Mind you Kraken Racing is an ancient sport, and the geese full party to the games. In truth the geese usually win but they do train together and it is a degree of showkrakenship, for sure. But don't tell anyone I said so else there will be no living with her. MOL Purrs ERin

      Delete