PSST! peep, over here, under the bed....
No DON'T look, just sidle your way over, all casual like, and sit yourself down on that chunky derriere of yours.
Yes that's right, just there. I need you to do something for me. You see I'm in hiding. Not that I've done anything wrong, no ma'am, this Princess never does anything wrong, well not that I know of and I sure don't want Santa to bar me from his Big Book on account of not being good. I did promise I would be good and thus I shall stay.
Nope, what it is I'm hiding from is....
What's that? from mice? ME? No way!
The vacuum cleaner you say?
No, absolutely..... OK so I do give her a wide birth, but that's only because she gets awfully up herself about vacuuming up hairs, and after the incident with the alleged Pet Hair attachment you bought, well let me tell you that is for hairs that have left the pet and not hairs that are actually still on said pet and quite happy being there and have NO desire to leave the attached state they were cultivating. Mouses!
I took me ages to get over that trauma and the Dr says it will be another couple of months before my bald patch finally grows back over. purrs
NO! What ever you do don't answer back, just pretend to be singing, badly, as you do, and I'll reveal all. But if you see any men, men in black suits with black glasses, and violin cases, I'm not here.
What's that? GANGSTERS! Heck no, I hope not, just the ensemble I organised for the Christmas that you cancelled. I think they want a refund of transport expenses, but I told them no way, not after they said they used cat gut strings on their fiddles. I can tell you now NO cat ever sounded that bad! Anyways I said they could come and do a concert later in the year when we have the old Palace furniture sprayed for woodworm.
No, not an extravagance at all, in fact I'm fairly certain those strangled tones will drive the woodworm out once and for all! On that point, peep, do you want to be sprayed too? I mean some of your jokes have been old and wooden of late, in fact so old the even the Chippendale commode groaned. Mouses!
OK, so where was I?
OK I need to move all my office and bits and pieces into hiding, cant tell you where, but I've put the instructions on this piece of kibble. Whatever you do don't lose it, OK? Right once you've not lost it, and done what I have instructed, I want you to eat it. I tried to get one that self destructed but frankly that was looking way too messy, and there weren't any available on the Internet anyway. Seems like there isn't much call for exploding kibble, who knew? purrs
What do you mean get on with it! I'll have you know this is all very important, I mean if I'm going to be an International Cat of Science not to mention multi-millionaire, I do need to have my privacy AND safeguards do need to be put in place for my security. Mouses!
There will be none of this open access policy we have at the moment, no ma'am, appointments will be needed for all things, including bedtime visits. There will have to be strip searches, for concealed weapons, and treats, and coded messages for entry, such as " The quick brown mouse ran into Erin's mouth" or " The rain in Spain falls mainly in the Palace, bedroom 7 and though bathroom 6 and into the outside privy!" Hmm, maybe scrub those as they both true. OK I have it, something along the lines of "Do you want some cream?", or "Your mature Canadian Cheddar dip is ready, shall I feed you now?". Of course the normal reaction is to say NO, but I will answer in the affirmative. purrs
Now as for security, maybe I could use those Violinists as bodyguards? A few bursts of some of those modern "Alternative" pieces is enough to send most peeps running for the exits. Mouses!
What's that, peep? Why am I going to be a super rich Princess?
Well, if you promise not to tell anyone, on your honour, Girl Guides, Boy Scouts, and FBI honour, I'll let you know, but for now I'll just have to ask you to come back tomorrow with an appointment and blood sample, which I can actually arrange for you if you wish. But I won't be here, I'll be hiding somewhere else as this thing I have discovered is way too big, and could solve every known problem AND even unknown problems that they find in the universe, including why does cream go off so fast.
Down side is it could also render every computer based code completely useless, bring down governments, countries, and worse still, make on-line cream shopping completely impossible. Mouses!!
And that, peep ol' chubby one, is why people will stop at nothing to have this information. Money will be no object, and no act of skulduggery too small. I must protect myself and the world from bad peeps with nefarious intentions from here on in, so I will send you my revelations, the discovery of a lifetime to you once I am secure somewhere warm, under an alpine hedge, with a Swiss Bank Account and a large supply of Swiss cream. Now if you can think of somewhere let me know as I'm struggling for places. purrs
OK, so what you need to do is this, enter this code 'erinthecatprincess' in your laptop, and sit down and wait.... I'll find you, you won't know where or when, but it will be soon. Or maybe later. Or it may well be next Sunday. But it will come, and the secrets of and solution to P versus NP conundrum and the Millennium Prize will be revealed to the enlightened few, and the $1M prize will be mine, and ours to share for the good of peep and cat kind. purrs
To be continued...........
Link into Info on 'Millennium prize' and 'P versus NP' courtesy of Wikipedia.