Are you awake yet?
****** muffled squeak ******
I mean are you AWAKE, awake and functional?
That would be functional as in motor skills and voice, though strictly for blogging purposes you don't need a voice, but it does add a certain air to the conversation, otherwise this would all be very one sided. And to be fair that there voice isn't always expelling hot air either, sometimes you even manage to get a grip on things and we head on up for the dizzy heights of warm air.
Mind you I'm not sure if we've ever had that moment, that flash of inspiration that illuminates the room, unless of course you count the time you plugged yourself into the power outlet and got blown across the Great Hall and landed in my supper. Mouses!
Yes I long for a moment, a moment so great that angels harps play, and birds sing, and the mailman doesn't get eaten by the Kraken. That moment when you've reached the pinnacle of achievements by actually emanating cold air and good ol' fashioned sense, and being so clued up and switched on you could solve an episode of Columbo before the opening credits have gone up. Purrs
Yup that would be the golden day, for sure. Alas I suspect some dreams are never meant to be and I'm stuck with you as you are, which to be fair, or Mousie brown as you are, isn't so bad. Well not too bad as long as I ignore those little niggling faults, like snoring, and turning over in bed. Boy are they annoying, I mean have YOU ever tried to get a good nights sleep with the sound of heavy traffic rumbling past you, or a minor duvet tsunami washing you away every hour or so. Mouses!
I guess not huh? Well I speak from experience when I say, as one who has lived rough on the streets and was so poor that I didn't even have a single penny to rub together with itself, that living with you, peep, isn't a bed of roses, no ma'am, more an unkempt hedge with the odd briar rose being thwarted by ivy and brambles.
Still there must be some redeeming qualities my ol' pal. I mean who else would come and.... and.... Hmm, oh yes, how could I have forgotten, of course there's that time last week. No hang on I take that back, that was the milk maid. Purrs
Anyways, moving on I just wondered if you happened to be awake and in a fit frame of mind to discuss a matter with me?
You are? Great! Well it all began last night, well tonight but in the bit that has just gone rather than the bit that has yet to come, even though that is or soon will be last night on account of it now being three thirty AM.
What's that peep? It's still the middle of the night you say? Well I don't think so, not really as in the usual run of things I'd have woken you in a bit anyhow, just to check on how well you were managing to sleep. Of course I'd want you to do your morning physio as well, to check bits hadn't sagged or dropped off. It's so important to have a good stretch.
I mean you won't see us cats getting up without it. Start the day a feline way is what I advocate. And those upper body bends twists and turns, combined with limb rotations and manipulations sure get you set for the day. I mean who'd have thought getting my wet food pouches and kibble could be so beneficial to your physique. Purrs
OK may that's pushing it a bit too far but, the point is peepers that having me is so very good for you in all manner of ways. I mean did you ever think you'd have a masterful feline princess and blogger in your midst? I dare say not, and think of all that bad food I've stopped you eating, like the cream and pizza and doughnuts, not forgetting the nip too.
Whats that? The nip isn't for you? Well I never, all this time I thought you were just being polite. That is so sweet. You know you really didn't have to...... OK yes you did as I do rather need a pinch of that green stuff every now and then. Medicinal Nip you understand, nothing at all seedy or under the counter. Well it is under the worksurface at the back but that's another matter. purrs
OH and it is Valentine's day coming up soon, and before you say it, No I am NOT including the proposition from that travelling Magic Carpet and Lamp sales peep in my list of valentines. Heck, if anyone thinks I'm falling for that old "I'll whisk you off your paws to paradise", or "you have three wishes" routine they'll have another thing coming. I wasn't born under a hedge you know. Hmm ok strike that I was, but that's not the point.
Anyways I have left his card pinned to the gatehouse door should you need it, and there's a sample of the carpet in the corner, and a tin of Brass polish by the lamp. It's just a free sample lamp, no commitments and you get a trial free wish. Nothing big, sort of along the lines of having your bed made or kibble bowl filled all day.
Anyways, peep ol' bulging waistline one, given there are no Princes on the horizon vying to lay waste to whole fields of mice for my honour, I sort of feel I have to do something myself.
So what I wondered was, would you give me a mouse?
Yup a mouse to show your true love for me, one a day will be fine, from now until the 14th will be dandy. Nothing special just an ordinary mouse.
What's that peep? I'll be wanting it on a silver platter, you say, with those little chefs hats on its legs? Hmm, well now you mention it that sounds quite grand. Make sure it's rare though. In fact skip the roast I'll have it lightly garnished with grated cheese and with a sprig of fresh nip. It has to be fresh mind, none of this dried stuff cut with grass clippings. I mean that just won't do for your beloved, now would it. Purrs
What do you mean you'll think about it? Look I need an answer, and I sort of need it NOW. I have things to plan, you know, and naps to have. A Princess has to think of these things in advance and good look such ass mine don't come cheep, well they do and squeak too, but that's just part of my ahem, beauty therapy diet.
Please do say yes? I will be ever so grateful, and promise that you can make me a special tea in celebration of Valentines day and ......
****** muffled scuffling sound ******
You will? Aww that's brilliant, thank you, I'll be your BFFF. purrs
OK, I do think we should get into the mood for Valentine's Day, maybe with a bit of practice. So I thought I'd bring you a present, call me old fashioned, which I ain't, but I thought you'd quite like this, a gift, this little token of appreciation, from you to me, just a little something to say how much you truly love me. Purrs
I know what you're going to say, but I really do insist, I mean I picked it myself. It's less than a carrot I'm afraid, but there may well have been half a carrot in there at some point. But don't fret, it really isn't that big, and they do say size doesn't matter and it's all about the thought.
Now there really is no need to get up, what I'll do is leave it just here, by your slippers, and you can admire it later. In fact if you like I'll drop it on the duvet and you can have a look now, if you wish?
There you go, I'll just drop this little ol' mousie here and if you grab it by the tail you can.....
Where you going with my present? I really don't think this is the time to be running out the door squeaking, I mean bar that mousie you aren't exactly wearing anything!
Oh well, another Valentines gift lost. I suppose I better keep the duvet warm. A Princesses work is never done it seems.... I do hope peep took the front door keys, that snow looks terribly cold....