Now whilst I can't see much point in gardening for myself, unless it's nip, my peep loves these little flowering plants. OK mainly because they are low maintenance, so low maintenance that you don't even have to even feed them, just a sprinkling of water every now and then and Toms your uncle they are quite happy and keep flowering.
Now some of you may say that is cruel not to feed those pretty little ladies, who as it happens are all called Violet and come from Africa, which must be very confusing and a mite boring at meetings. And you'd have thought those there Violets would be up in arms and protesting along the window ledge and on strike because the regime didn't give them their constitutional rights hard won on sufferance, I sure did. But no they just seem to love it, and believe me we have tried to administer food and, well you just won't believe what happened.
OK maybe the Violetists amongst you will, but for those that aren't I can paw on heart safely say that those dear violets all went bananas. Not that they went yellow and bent, no ma'am, but they did start to grow wildly out of control and then died. Yup peep had killed the lot.
After a suitable period of mourning and staring at pots of definitely dead plants, I took matters into my own paws and sent peep out to adopt some new Violets. OK, I thought, an easy task even for my plant challenged peep, just pick the happiest looking Violets with nicest flowers you can find.
So imagine my surprise when I come home and find peep has bought sick plants. But not just a little cold or an ache here and there, no ma'am, these plants were so sick they had been to see vets. I kid ye not, all those little Violets had the clear plastic Cones of Shame around their necks. No doubt to stop them scratching their leaves with their roots. I'm just hoping they don't have fleas. Mouses!
Anyways, it wasn't long after their arrival that peep got another plant and nestled it in amongst those sick Violets.........
Hi, peep ol' gardening fingers of doom, what you doing? Oooh a new plant, I say that looks exotic. is it a cactus? I don't like them, too many sharp pointy bits for my liking. And if theres going to be anything with sharp pointy bits in this Palace it's going to be me. purrs
Strange looking plant that, never seen on that's silver and black, where's it from?
The Amazon you say, well I'll be, are you sure it'll like being here, I mean we dont quite have the rainfall, though I suppose if it got home sick we could always leave it in Bathroom 5 and have the shower on. purrs
Umm, are you sure you need to be attaching it to the mains electricity, ol' brown fingered one, I mean water and electricity are not the best of bed fellows, sort of end up fried. Mouses
Internet! You are giving it the Internet too? Now look peep, I am not sharing my Internet with a plant, it's bad enough that the spiders in Bedroom No.7 have been demanding more Web time, but at least they do it whilst I'm out at work. Though you may wish to keep an eye on what they're watching as I did notice they were watching a Home Improvements programme, on impenetrable WEB security. Mouses!
And who knows where it might lead. If the rest of the plants see it they might want it too, and we'll have the Violets getting home sick and browsing the Internet for cheap flights to Africa, and I'm not paying for that long distance call.
What's that peep? It's a camera you say? Hmm is that a plant from the Cameroon?
Oh I see, a CAMERA, as in takes pictures. Cool, I never knew plants could take pictures. When it grows up a bit will it be able to take movies too?
What's that? It's a surveillance camera! YIKES what on earth do you want that for? This reeks of Big Peep 1984. Of all the nerve, do you not trust those dear little Violets to behave, is that what it is?
Who ME? Well I'll be. Do you mean to say that this is for me, little old me who tirelessly slaves away washing and chasing miscreants from the door. OK so maybe I am washing myself, and maybe I let them miscreants in, in the first place, but that is neither here nor there, as once they are in it's my job to get rid of them.
You don't trust me, huh? Well I have to say that I don't trust you too, all those long days spent at work, I mean you could be doing anything. I only have your word that you are going out to work, and those 12 hours sometimes 15 hour days you do, coming home covered in stress and angst could all be pretend. I mean what sort of a desk job does that?
For all I know there could be another cat on the scene? Though to be fair since the 'Marmalade Affair' I have been checking for stray hairs and bar a few grey ones from yourself, you've been clean.
Too clean maybe? Yes, I see it now, you're in cahoots with another cat AND a vacuum, a love triangle! Oh my this worse than I thought!
Hang on, you hate vacuuming, and as for another cat? Nah you wouldn't for starters no one else would have you as you're not fully trained yet. Definitely a work in progress. purrs
What's that you say, the video is so you can talk to me when you're at BlogPaws? You mean we can talk to each other, across the waves?
Across millions of miles of space and time to BlogPaws? So what you're saying is, whilst you're over there, enjoying fine wines and all the finest platters of cream, you'll be talking to me chasing mice and doing paperwork and overseeing day to day tasks?
WOW isn't nature wonderful! A video camera plant, what will it think of next.... a plant that catches flies maybe, or one that catches mice.....
Nope, sheer fantasy, that will never happen, I mean if it could do that it could grow a plant that catches mice, and where would that leave me? Hmm, actually that could leave me more time for assessing my cream collection and rubber stamping some of last years rubber cheese crop. In fact I could have so much spare time that I could fly to BlogPaws for myself.
Hmm. Peep, bring me my science kit, and those left over Brussels sprouts, I have a cunning plant... er PLAN. I think it's time to start a spot of vegetable genetic research. purrs