Saturday, 25 February 2017

Poachers!

Hmm.....

Yup.....

OK, just as I suspected, all the evidence suggests there has been another feline in my garden!

How do I know, I hear you ask, well if you'll settle yourself over there I shall tell you all about it. Purrs

It is an ancient skill passed from mother to kitten and honed through days and months of rigorous playing. The essential training for all cats who need to survive the tough streets, roads, and hedges of a life without walls, litter boxes, and servants.

Many peeps don't realise the hardships we face, and that the lives we live are driven by a need to survive and not to have fun.

Alright I confess, we do have fun when we can, but that isn't any different to peeps going out to lunch and feeding the pigeons in the park. You watch, I stalk. You throw food, I jump. You eat your pastrami on rye and I have a business lunch and we all go back to work happy. purrs

OK, moving swiftly on, no pun intended, we felines live by our wits, ready to face any adversary that comes through the mouse hole or attacks from the sparrows nests in the sky.

Take me and mice, which is something my peep really does wish I wouldn't, it is all natural behaviour and one hundred percent driven by nature. I see a small furry creature and I think of a meal, possibly the last meal I may have for a bit, so nature kicks in and it's adios amigomouse, good night Vienna and...

Hang on, I'm fairly certain I've not been to Vienna so why I'd want to say goodnight to it I don't know. Why not good morning Vienna? I mean them peeps in Vienna must wake up at some point and I'm sure they can't be that grumpy that they ignore each other till bedtime?


Curtains for mousie?....


Anyways, as I was saying it's nets for poor mousie!

What's that peep? Curtains you say? It's CURTAINS not nets, drapes, blackouts or other window dressings.

CURTAINS?

CURTAINS!


Now look peepers, I really do think I know best on this matter. There is NO way I can catch a mouse using curtains, not unless it got frightened to death by the lurid 60's pattern you have, or the chintz in the boudoir. Mouses!

What?

Oooh, so it's a theatrical expression rather than a decorating one. OK so does that mean I need to have an audience each time I go mousing?

And will I be needing Equity Union Membership? Or should that be dis-membership on account of the claws in my contract. Purrs

Hang on, if I'm going to perform I need Union Rates and a stunt double for those chase scenes.

AND I need a leading man. Do you think Maxwell, from A Tonks Tale, is available? If not, that Benedict Cumberbatch AKA Sherlock, seems like a nice peep, intelligent too, in fact he could solve all my missing mouse problems for me!

Mind you I'll have to insist Benedict doesn't bring that violin of his, with peeps singing being so bad I don't want any more complaints. Mouses!

Maybe I need a full time agent, I mean it is the done thing these days.

Talking of agents, a cat has to be an agent. A secret agent, the best possible of agents in fact, able to sniff out undesirables with the twitch of a whisker or bat of the eyelid.

We needs to scope out the lay of the land whilst maintaining a complete outer appearance of elegance, poise, disregard, and effuse an inner unshakable calm. Trust me that isn't easy without practise and a full on diet fit for the athletes we are.

Whats that peep? Did I hear a titter there, and see a little smirk? I think I did, and that is totally uncalled for, I'm way more an athlete than you! Lets face it when was the last time you chased down a sparrow or a mouse?

And don't forget I saw you last night! Yup you thought I was tucked up asleep on my sofa, but I saw that pizza get away from you when you opened the freezer door. It slipped right through those opposable thumbs you have for fingers and rolled right under the cupboard down the coal chute and made a bid for freedom across the moat. Shame it was going so well too until the Kraken got a whiff of the Anchovy topping and then it was good night Pisa, Milan and Vienna. Mouses!

Talk about embarrassing, I could barely look! OK so I did just a bit but it was well worth it, and it does mean I'll have something funny to recount at the next POO Do, thats the Palace Owners Organisation Christmas shindig. Purrs

OK so to get things back on track, we cats have the skill and the art to do things and go places and sense things that no other animals can. And whilst others can do things we can't, there are none so steeped in history or mystery, the physical, metaphysical, astral psychic and paranormal than us. I like to call it The Force.

For us life is no mystery, we grab it by the tail and run. To us the whole world is a stage, one without bounds. And you peeps? well you're all just actors. Purrs

Our life force flows from the beginning of time, and will be there at the end, and passes through every cat and kitten and gives the assuredness and resilience you see, to play and be alive even in the face of adversity, something most peeps lack.

****** Sighs ******

Peep? Are you still with me?

OK, I can tell by the glazed look and dribble that maybe all of this is too much to grasp at once.

How can I sum this up for you.....

Hmmm.....

To put simply, for you my ol' peep, we are very, very good at hunting mice, the best in fact, always have been and always will be.

Hows that sound?

Oh well, sometimes I think I might just as well be talking to myself. Mouses!

****** Silence ******

Hmm....

Poachers in the Palace.......


OK, moving on to the crime to paw, namely there being a cat in my garden... THERE'S BEEN A CAT IN MY GARDEN!

I mean these are not just any old garden grounds, no ma'am, they're mine, my private garden, my very special mousing garden. The hallowed hunting grounds of my forebears, from times past, and forebears of times to come.... That will be me!

Hang on, no wonder there aren't any mice to be had, I've got poachers!

Peeps what I want you to do, is get on to the local police, the constabulary and tell them to look out for a Tabby, with a white patch of fur on his chest, 12 inches high with a slight limp. These villains always have a limp.

Hmm in fact best call Interpol too, and The Mounties, and the FBI just in case this is part of an international crime syndicate attempt to kidnap my mouses! Heck I can't have that, I mean if anyone is going to have... er... help these mouses it's me. These international villains really do seem to make that one mistake, and that ol' peep of mine, is messing with me!

Of course if this turns into a ghostly matter, I'll be calling the BEST team in the land, headed up by none other than my pal Sherlock Herms himself. Those guys get results, in fact they've just set up a new office. Whilst I think about it, peep, I'll just jot down their name for you: The Wonderpurr Detective Agency, (WDA).

Whats that peep?

How do I know all this?

Well, clearly I have been chatting to myself for the last 8 minutes and thirty-two seconds; has nothing about the feline guile, prowess, and intuition sunk in?

What do you mean Yes, but no, but maybe?

Look it's so simple, but if you can't see it I can't explain it any better, so you'll just have to go with me being a super sleuthing high functioning feline. After all I do read a lot of mysteries in the West wing tower's library! Purrs

Now, my Paw-padawan apprentice, I think it's time for my power nap, so if you don't mind leaving me for a bit I'll be down when our guest comes.

Ooh, did I not mention that? OK sorry, I phoned Moretti the Cat's peep earlier and asked her to come around later to collect his slightly hairy collar and identity tag, the one he left under the Clematis in the garden.

Until she comes, I shall be meditating and searching The Force for guidance. These International villain types always make that that one small mistake, a seeming insignificance to most, but not to one such as I.

Fear not, I'll soon have this sorted, nothing gets past this Princess. Purrs


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It's Sunday Selfie time!



Please join me now as we enter the Sunday Selfies hosted by the fantastic Kitties Blue: XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy from The Cat on My Head blog 


The Sunday selfies is a wonderful weekly celebration of blogs and bloggers from across the world, and shares stories and pictures for others to enjoy. 

Why not join the fun, by adding the code from our hosts, a link is on their page, and posting your own selfie.

This weeks selfie is one of those rare occasions when peep was actually at home during daylight hours and found me counting sparrows... Yup we did manage to have some sun too! Things went down hill rapidly after this as a storm hit and blew some of the trees down, not to mention blew all those sparrows away! Suppose that's one less job for me to do!


To see what all our pals have been up to this week, click the images below, and enjoy the HOP!







39 comments:

  1. Introoders in da garden??? We hate dat!

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    1. he must have got in when I ws out shopping and peep was on guard, I mean it wouldnt have happened with me on guard! Purrs, Erin

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  2. Maybe you Need Austin the international Cat of Mystery along with Herman on the case?Great Selfie,xx Speedy

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    1. Sounds like a plan, Between Herman, Austin and NUCAT, and Basil and the Heathen Hoard we could have on heck of a KICK ASS Team ready to do battle in all spheres and planes!

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  3. Hey! ERin! As Speedy said, I can marshal the NUCAT team to help you uncover the introoder!! It would be an honour! And we can have a lot of fun doing it!! Terrific selfie!! ❤❤

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    1. Hi Austin. Just saying to Speedy, with Herman, Bionic Basil and the Heathen Hoard and yourself and NUCAT, we could have on amazing International Team ready to solve mysteries and beat villains everywhere. MOUSES!

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  4. Sometimes it's hard to keep the peeps focused but you did a good job Erin. Now, those introoders must be dealt with.

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    1. Hi Brian, and thank you, the peep is hard work and glazes over a lot, in fact so much I'm thinking of just changing peep's name to doughnut!
      Purrs, Erin

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  5. Introoders in the garden, Erin? Oh my. How did it get past the Kraken???

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    1. I know, questions WILL be asked in the Upper House of Parliament, and I expect heads to roll. It may have happened when the Kraken was out for her shopping trip and spar day last Tuesday? I should maybe look into getting some temporary guards for those days, but good help is hard to get, leastways help with many tentacles!

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  6. You make a great secret agent, keeping the palace free of those intruders. They must GO! We'd help, but we's too busy pawtying. Great selfies.

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    1. Oh how I wish I had the time for a party, alas I have to wait for the Official Ball before I can let my hair down... Just to qualify that, I don't mean shedding!
      Purrs, Erin

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  7. We love your selfie, Erin! Got to keep an eye out for those squatters! Those Peeps! I swear ... we have so much patience with them ... and they're good for entertainment ... but SOMETIMES ... they're just exhausting! ~Bear Cat

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    1. Peeps sure are exhausting and fun but the boring bits are really boring. I'll figure out who it was that was poaching my mice... at some point. Purrs Erin

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  8. If you can't get Sherlock, you should try for William Murdoch, I think. purrs

    Now about these poachers...

    MOUSES!

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    1. Ooh, I wonder if he's free? I'll send a missive straight away. I can pay in cheese, and oodles of cream as I have run out of mice. Poachers, I'm hoping to solve that one soon, well after I've caught up on my nap schedule!
      Purrs, ERin

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  9. Sorry about the intruders, I guess you need to hire more security. And when you are acting, be sure to request a stand-in as well as a stunt double. That way you won't have to waste your napping time while the cameras and lighting are set up. Great selfie! XO

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    1. Ooh, I hadnt thought about that, GREAT idea. I wonder who they could get? I thought Milla Jovovich, she certainly has all the hunting skills and my good looks. Purrs, Erin

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  10. Sorry 'bout da storms and we sure hope those knocked down trees didn't do any purrmanent damage to anythin'. As ya' know gawjus, Raena and me have never had to live outside or really fight fur our dinner. But as we read your comments 'bout how us kitties are built to survive, we were so touched and moved. We realized how right you are. We wish no kitty ever had to survive on their own, but we do know dat they are more capable than most any human. Our mommy has been thru lots of stuffs in her life, but ifin she hadn't had a kitty to help her, we're not sure she woulda made it. MOL We hope you ketch dat scandalous intruder and give them what fur. Big hugs fur all.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. Hi Dezi, HI Raena, All's well so far, and my hedge is safe and sound. Trouble is the birds and mousies go into hiding when the wind is up so I have to stay indoors too. Yes, many a peep has been saved by many a cat, and that is why the bond between us is so very strong and special when it is made. Hugs purrs and nose rubs to you all. Erin

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  11. Oh, Erin, I just want those ears. They make me nuts. And mine are so...well...just like so many others. Where on earth did you GET those ears?

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    1. France is so far away, I'd travel if peep would let me then we could share ears! Do you have mice, extra mice perchance, as that could swing it for me and I'll just travel myself!
      Purrs, Erin

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  12. You think you have problems! I have three introoders in my fields and it is getting out of paw. They know I can't patrol as far as I used to and they come along eating my mousies and leaving their stink all over my hedges. You have no idea what a job it is to re-water everything so it smells right again.

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    1. Hi Flynn. Oh my! Three is way too many, I thought my hedge was bad enough, but you have a whole field! I'll tell you what, I will come down and give you a paw with the itinerants, hows that?
      Have a good week. Purrs and headbumps. Erin

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  13. You look very theatrical next to those drapes Erin! :)

    the critters in the cottage xo

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    1. Thank you, I shall take a curtsey, and exit stage left... or is it stage right? Oh well I just nap right here and await my box of nip to be presented.
      Purrs, Erin

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  14. Replies
    1. Thank you, he is such a hunk in his white scientist uniform, and is so assertive with his facts. Oh well I shall admire from afar. I wonder if he does signed photographs, they'd be much easier to see on my desk. Purrs, ERin

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  15. Amarula wants to know if you will teach her how to use the Force?? In exchange she will help you find the interloper!

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    1. I sure can, but it will take some practice, and you will need a good size sunpuddle and a comfy wool duvet to optimise the training schedule potential. Your peep will have to be on board too, as you'll need to have food bought to you so you don't break your concentration.
      Purrs, ERin

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  16. We know you won't let any introoder get by you, Erin. That's a great selfie, too. :)

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    1. Thanks guys, I will get to the bottom of this, as soon as I've had another nap. I've scheduled a special one in for a week Wednesday so I can devote some time to it.... Purrs, ERin

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  17. Ooooo, I hope that Benedict is available to be your leading man! I think you two would go very nicely together when mousing.

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    1. I shall send him a missive straight away. I shall have to buy a new outfit if he comes... do you think they make Mousestalker hats?
      Purrs, Erin

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  18. Aww! Very cute pictures! Keep up the awesome posts :) Henry

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  19. A terrific post Erin, this is a cracking read!

    OK We are late again... Happy Sunday Selfie

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    1. HI all, and no, you're never late when you visit and always welcome. Glad you enjoy my little mystery, now if you can tell who did it that would be a great start to solving it! Purrs, ERin

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  20. Just sayin' Erin, I totally luvluvluv the last two photos of you. You are a true beauty

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    1. Hi Savannah, you just made me blush. Thank you, from one so beautiful herself that is a great compliment! Have a wonderful week. Purrs and nose rubs, Erin

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