Sunday, 14 May 2017

How old!


 Hmm.....

Peepers' ol' fruit, how old are you?

I mean how old are you actually, in peep years.... 200? 300? I mean with all that vino and pizza it is so very hard to tell.

What? What do you mean that's cheeky!

Well a pals gotta think about these things you know. I mean do we need to have a stair lift putting in to the bedroom?  And thinking about it, one to the pizza fridge would be good too!

Or should I just have a bed put in the deluxe, universal accommodation centre, with en suite, that we had installed last week?

What?

WHAT!

What do you mean that's just a wooden shed with an outside tap!

Really?

Ooops, I wish you'd said that earlier, I've had the Real Estate agents round with a view to a long term let. In fact I have two mouse families lined up already.

OK so that could well be a very short term let, but with careful property management I could have loads of fun.... er.... lots of regular tenants.

You know, this estate does need that injection of new life.  I mean, you're not getting any younger are you! In fact if that Speak Your Age machine you step onto each morning is anything to go by, you seem to be going up daily sometimes by double figures. Who knew pizza had such an ageing effect, not I for sure.

I mean I always thought it was called fast food because it was some religious thing, you know the sort, to purge the soul and fulfil obligations and whatnot. But seems like its only called fast as it's a quick way to the grave and a pot belly! Mouses!

On that subject, ol' chubby midriff one, why is it called a pot belly? I mean it's not as though you've actually eaten one, or even have a desire to. Of course if they were made of pizza, or doughnuts filled with a Chardonnay cream then I know you'd be tempted. But a pot! Really?

Nope I'm not buying that. And don't you go getting any ideas either, I've counted them pots, and excluding the eight you've burnt a hole in, and the ones with my nip seedlings in, we now have two. And before you say anything, I've had a request from the Kraken to keep one of those for when she needs to have her spare set of teeth cleaned.

OK so by my reckoning that should leave us with.....

****** Rattling of calculator keys ******

Exactly minus nine pots.

What's that peepers? It should be one pot, you say!

WHAT! Oh my, this is far worse than I thought! Minus nine pots to plus one pot equals ten, then if I add the original number of missing pots that makes eighteen pots we've lost!

OK peep, there's nothing else for it, I'm docking your pay, and from now on its cold boiled food only. Mouses!

Back to this age thing. How old are you, actually?

In leap years you say? Does that make a difference then, if you jump up and down? Does it sort of stretch the years out, raise the ceiling as it were?

No? OK I am not sure I get this whole leap year thing. What you're telling me is that some bright spark decided to make all the years the same, with the same 7 days a week and the same fifty-two weeks of the year, and then decided to throw in an extra day every fourth year!

I mean what good is that? Had they miss counted? You wouldn't find a cat doing that sort of thing, no ma'am, I can count my nine times table, backwards if I had to. I can even do it without moving my teeth, though to be fair I only do that when I'm counting my guests for dinner. Purrs

Now if that there peep had any sense they'd have had a nice decimal year rather than breaking it up into all these strange amounts, something like ten day weeks, and ten weeks to the year. The real plus about this is, summer could last a whole year, and peeps would end up living three and a half time's longer!

And food would last longer too. Not that we have much problem with making food last, no ma'am, the last time I was doing a stock take in the Palace pantry, I found loads and loads of middle aged tins that you had managed to save.

There were tins of unloved potatoes, and spinach, and saddest of all, there was these abused black eyed beans! Poor things, no doubt victims of domestic violence and sought and found refuge at the back. It said on the tin that their Bean Birth date was August 1999, so I think by now those bruises will have gone away.

Anyways, I put them at the front and plan to have a party for them on their birthday, cheer them up a bit. To be on the safeside and in case they feel vulnerable, I have disguised them as a tin of something super strong!

What's that peepers? the 'BB date' DOESN'T mean 'Bean Birthday date'?   Are you sure? though that would be consistent with not finding one on you.

A 'Best before date' you say, how strange, does that mean there is a 'Bad Before date' too, for really naughty food?

Anyways, moving on, peep, ol' flageolet like one, me thinks you are deflecting from the issue to paw, which is exactly how old are you?

Come on, spill the beans, and not the ones you had for lunch........

OH......

OH MY...... About lunch, what was it you had? Wasn't Chilli by any chance, was it?

It was!

AH....

Peepers......... How do you feel right now? You do seem to have taken on a strange sort of green pigmentation around the gills?

And the tummy, OK is it? I thought I may have heard some rumblings, grumblings and gurglings just now. And you do look like you're having a hot flush, well more flushed than usual, and it's not even the Saturday night Monopoly session that you usually lose!

Really? You are!

How did I know, you say?

No reason, just a fine feline such as myself does tend to have a second sense for these things, built in radar for others suffering, and  mice of course, but that goes without saying. Purrs

May I suggest a quick step to the bathroom, and if you don't think you can make it that far, there is always that last pots in the kitchen.

Hmm, if you're going to be off colour for a bit, I think you should go into quarantine, except for my meal times, until we can track down the source of your infection.

As it happens, I know where there is a lovely new bijou detached country cottage available, pine wood decor, running water and nice country view. Reasonable rates too. Of course I'll require a deposit to secure it, as there has been a lot of interest from the locals. Shall we say a years rent up front as security, and a pint of cream a week?

Good, now if you'll collect the padlock key from the butler, you'll find your new abode at the end of the garden by the greenhouse. Whilst you're there, if you don't mind watering the nip and maybe cutting the grass, I can save enough money to get that cow creamer off Meow-Bay!

Who said being sick didn't have a silver lining???



                                                                     ~~~ The End ~~~

54 comments:

  1. Goodness Erin it sounds like Mom is having a conniption over her age. That is a thing polite ladies do not bring up. Purrs my friend.
    Timmy and Family

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    Replies
    1. Oh tell me about it. As we don't have birthdays in the Palace, bar mine as it falls on Christmas day, then we grow old without age. Still having bought a job lot of birthday cards I'd like to be able to use one of them. Mouses!
      Erin

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  2. Erin, I would love to have your selfie on a postage stamp. You look so pretty. Did you ever find out Pepper's age? I figure it's best not to know the lady's age. I think it would be too shocking to find out how old she really is.

    I hope the peep is feeling better. Did the stay in the wood shed, er, country cottage, help?

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    1. No, I've given up. Best to let it rest for now and maybe when the person comes in I'll have a better clue. Once that happens I can get peep to spend it wisely and take out a monthly cream delivery subscription. MOL
      Erin

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  3. We're MOL @ "Best Before Date".....we think our Mom's passed a while ago!!!

    The Florida Furkids

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    1. Maybe if you wrote a new date on your peep it will rejuvenate her? Anyways as long as you don't keep her at the back of the cupboard I'm sure all is well. MOL
      Purrs, ERin

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  4. Age is a relative thing Princess Erin and our Dad relative is quite aged!

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    1. I'm trying to find some age defying cream for peep. Alas the bottles I get sent all turn out to be dairy cream. Still I'll keep on going till I find the right one, a tough job but someone has to do it. MOL
      Purrs, Erin

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  5. Age is just a state of mind...at least that is what old people like our Mama seem to insist!! Heeheehee ;p

    You look pretty surrounded by hot pink Erin :)

    the critters in the cottage xo

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    1. I agree, you are as old as you feel. I keep feeling peep just to check and everything around the tummy feels just fine, and nice soft and bouncy. Not sure about the rest though?
      Purrs, ERin

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  6. We believe our human to around the age of a Saber-toothed tiger...give or take a few years. Never mind that they are extinct... Purrs from the Zee/Zoey kitties!

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    1. Really, that old? Hmm..... I wonder if she knows our Krakens parents? Next time she's in town I'll arrange for them to meet, swap stories over a nice cup of tea :)
      Purrs, Erin

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  7. You are such funny princess, Erin! Love your selfie. My mum is older than she looks :)

    Purrs xx
    Athena

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, all in the days work for a Princess. Oooh, what sort of cream does she use? Single, double or clotted? I'll happily swap some of my premium nip for the secret!
      Purrs, ERin

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  8. MOL...you are such a cute kittie, Erin. We always start with a laugh and leave with a big smile. Granny says age is just a nomber, so I think a pawty is good, but candles are overruled­čś╣Pawkisses for a Happy Mother's Day filled with lots of nip and mice for the wise kit..Mouses­čśś❤­čś╗

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    1. Aww thank you, it's all my own work. MOL
      We are really pleased you and Granny enjoy our adventures and can share a smile too. No candles here at the Palace, not since peep set fire to the Christmas tree, which wouldn't have been so bad bar the fact it was still in the forest at the time. Cost a fortune rehousing all the squirrels and compensating for loss of nuts. Mouses!
      Erin

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  9. Beautiful selfie if I do say so myselfie!

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    1. Thank you, it is nice that peeps efforts are finally paying off. Of course it was all self taught,, well taught by myself that is. MOL
      Erin

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  10. Guest house... Shed with a tap... MOUSES! I laughed so hard, I nearly sprayed. MOUSES!!!

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    1. Yikes! I bet your peep would not have been happy about that! On the plus side it would have made a great blog post!
      Purrs, Erin

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  11. Age can be a very sensitive subject to some humans...especially when a big "0" is coming up, I've noticed! --Mudpie

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    1. Funny that, how such a small number can have such a disturbing effect. Personally I think it is all down to advertising from the birthday card peeps! Us, well we don't have birthdays so in truth we don't age at all, just a bit wiser and more wrinkly, peep that is, not me. MOL
      Erin

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  12. You look just bootyful Erin. Is your peep sick? We're sendin' hugs and purrayers.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. Hello Dezi Hello Raena! Peep is just, well, just peep and over worked and very stressed. Absolutely nothing to do with me, this time.! Thank you for the hugs and prayers.
      Purrs, head bumps and blessings to you all.
      Erin

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  13. Replies
    1. Cor, I never hard of doing that to anyone, I hopes it's catching, and peep can have a dose too. Laughter is definitely good :)
      Erin

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  14. I definitely approve of the new photo, you are such a cutie. Those black eyed peas are very old, I thought I was bad having ketchup that expired in 2015.

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    1. Thank you. I think I will be using it on the Christmas cards this year, full size! Of course the cards will have to be bigger too, to get me in, else there will be nowhere to put the address. Mouses!
      Erin

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  15. Great selfie, Erin. And the whole discussion of BBDs made us MOL! :)

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    1. Thank you. BBD's seem to be designed to make folk forget. At least it does my peep. One minute they are there all in date, then the next thing some sort of time anomaly and they are past it. Mouses! Could tis be the work of time travelling aliens?
      Purrs, Erin

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  16. Your stamp is brilliant, I definitely approve!!

    Have a good Sunday and next week!

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    1. Thank you. I thought it had just the right amount of gravitas. Off course a pinch of nip never goes far wrong either, but those pictures got censored and definitely WON'T be making it into production. MOL
      Erin

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  17. Your Highness, you are smart to encourage the peep to move out to the cottage, since peep might have a contagion! Maybe the peep should bring some nip infused tea - that should help clear out the bugs! But then again, maybe peep is just turning the color of old human age. Tee hee hee!

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    1. A princess still has to run the Palace, so seemed like the best place to be. Of course there is just the chance it could be something else, but until the lawns are cut and fruit picked, peep is going to have to stay put... it's only being hard to be kind and the exercise will be good.
      Purrs, ERin

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  18. LadyMum told mee mee iss inn mee earlee 20'ss if mee were a Hu'man. When mee ternss 3 yearss old inn July mee will be about 24 Hu'man yearss.
    LadyMum iss anshenta t 61 years....shee says sum dayss shee feelss 91!! Poor LadyMum...
    Happy Mumma'ss Day to yur Mumma ERin.
    An yur Selfie iss gorgeeus all so ;)
    **paw kissesss** Siddhartha Henry xxxx

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    1. You are a timeless Prince, Siddhartha Henry, and your Lady Mum and queen without equal and with age too. The joy of living is in how we feel and those around us help us keep young. I bets you have taken a good few years off your mum.
      Purrs and head bumps.
      Erin

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  19. ERin....beanz will due that everee time !!! oh N just sayin....de food servizz gurl act shoo a lee waz THER ...de day de wheel waz invented !! ☺☺♥♥

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    1. Ooh, so did she meet Henry Ford? As to those beans, I'm think ing of banning them too, like the Brussels. MOL

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  20. Our mom is older than dirt, Erin. That's what she says. :) Nice selfie!

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    1. Hmm, that must make putting candles on the cake very difficult. MOL
      Purrs, Erin

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  21. Pleased to meet you, your Royal Heiness (or whatever I'm supposed to call you) No royaly in my family I'm afraid. You sure do have problems with your staff. Perhaps you should whip them into shape to do your bidding whenever you desire something.

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    1. Hi Mario, great to meet you two. No need for titles at the Palace, I only use that for terrorising.... er.... checking up on the welfare of my mouse tenants. Hmm, I'd rather be whipping some cream than chasing peep around, though it would be a great way to lose weight and fitter peep up!
      Purrs, Erin

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  22. Have you ever wondered why the humans don't have a Best Before date? I mean, we have to listen to them moan and groan about getting old ... sheesh! Do they EVER shut up? I must confess, I do appreciate that my Momma's pot belly isn't ACTUALLY made up of pots ... that would be awfully uncomfortable when I use it as a trampoline in the middle of the night ;) ~Bear Cat

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    1. Hmm very good point. Might be because some might not get picked up at the market if the date was short? I think thats why some have plastic surgery, like changing the label. MOL
      Wobbly tummy can be fun, unless of course you get sea sick.
      Purrs, ERin

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  23. Leap year is stupid, pizza is awesome! I've never tasted a pot but don't think I'd like it, I have burned a few in my day though...
    Love & Biscuits,
    Dogs Luv Us and We Luv Them

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    1. Seems like this burning pots is contagious. My peep didn't get it off me though, I like my food room temp only. MOL
      Purrs, Erin

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  24. ERin. wood ewe like ta bee a codd mother ree croot? if knot, itz oh kay we
    undestand, if ewe wood, all ya hafta due iz watch out for bass terd turkeez N let uz
    noe yur fake mob name, we canna uze reel mob namez coz oh de "law" !!! heerz two
    a grate week oh end,< if ya can pleez let uz noe bye next thurzday de 26 > ♥️❤️♥️

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    1. Hi Guys *Waves* Oooh yes please, I would love to be a Codd Mother recruit. Alas things have gone awry with internet here, and peep has been poorly, so I am very late! I will happily be half a recruit if you only have a small opening available?
      Purrs, ERin

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  25. I better not let you look in my cupboard at all the BBDs!!!

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    1. Hehehe, maybe just get rid of the whole cupboard and start again. MOL Alternatively if you have a Kraken disposal system that works equally well too, tin and all!
      Purrs, ERin

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  26. Oh my mouses! I can connect to your blog now, through the comments on my blog. YAY!!! purrs

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    1. AWESOME! All it took was beating peep with the keyboard a few hours and chasing around the Palace a few times and that seems to have done the trick!
      Purrs, ERin

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  27. We nearly fell off our perch on Bear Cat's comment! "Best Before" date? MOLMOLMOL!!!!!

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    1. Oh my! I do hope you were ok? I will have to restrict funny comments if cats are going to get injured. Mind you if peeps are going to fall of their perches then maybe there is another issue to paw. MOL
      ERin

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