Friday, 5 October 2018

A New Case, Chapter 30.


And now it's story time!


The UK & WORLDS BEST feline adventure!


(Chapter 29 can be found HERE.)



Chapter 30



In well-practised fashion, on hearing clatter and Anders yell, the Presidential security staff spread out from and took up key positions. Agent V, who had been alerted moments earlier by his keen hearing, had slipped from his trolley and was already checking for low lying threats. He was also keeping guard on Jackson, who was, for want of a phrase, doggedly not letting go of the villain. The General took the lead and came out from the front to face the potential attacker, taking careful but quick stock of the somewhat comical scene. He levelled his English Circassian burl walnut walking stick at the person, if indeed that is what the mass was, that had come sliding to a halt before him.  Scanning the figure, he smiled when he noticed the King Herod’s Store guards insignia on his sleeve. He turned around and looked at Mrs Hudson, who now stood in the break in the curtain. “It’s all safe now. This the one, Mrs Hudson?” he said whilst giving the Anders an extra prod with the stick to deter him from trying to get up, and got a rasping groan akin to a deflating balloon in return. Mrs Hudson frowned and merely nodded in return, and then turned to speak to someone who was out of sight behind the curtain.

Murmurings from the concealed guests and staff grew and erupted into a round of applause for their saviours. Not having seen the incident, they could only let their imagination run riot as to the perilous scene that had played out on the other side. Mrs Hudson dipped her head and moved to one side, as Queen and the President, whose curiosity had got the better of them came to see what had gone on.

“General Smyth-Jones, are we safe now?” the Queen asked in a genteel and slightly coy manner. “Is that the rogue? Oh, do let us see what he has to say for himself. It is not every day one’s guests get to have such fun, though it did rather ruin an excellent presentation by Mrs Dawson.”

“My God!” exclaimed Mr Herod as he arrived at the scene, blowing hard from the exertion of his run. “Pardon the language, your majesty–ma’am, Mr President. Anders, what on earth are you doing there, man. Answer me!”

“You know this thing, this man, Mr Herod?” Asked the General. “He barely looks fit to be called human let alone staff of this fine establishment. Can you vouch for him, though that hardly matters now? He’ll be arrested and charged with assault on two heads of state, destruction of property and by the look of it, cruelty to chickens, and kittens too!” The kitten, who had been staring wide-eyed at the proceedings, took that as his cue to bite Anders, again, and then ran off around the curtain.

“Alas, I do, General. This is…. WAS our night security guard. Though heaven only knows what has taken him to act this way.” Mr Herod shook his head and then stared down at the mess about him. “I really do not know what to say. This is a disaster of the first order. I pray that Her Majesty and guests have not been disturbed or put off by this incident? He took out a pale pink handkerchief, chosen by Mrs Herod to compliment the Queen's outfit, and dabbed at beads of sweat forming around his reddened face. “Maybe it would be best if we did this again, or just cancelled the whole… “

“Nonsense, Mr Herod,” the Queen interrupted, with a show of determination and command that surprised even herself. “I think this is all rather exciting. A marvellous show of teamwork on the part of your staff and all the Presidents men, ladies and felines, to keep everything under control.”

“I have to agree with Her Majesty,” said the President, nodding. “I do declare that this has been a great morning and I am most thankful to everyone who has made it so interesting, and safe too. I think it is true to say, that I have been made very welcome, very welcome here indeed.

The General smiled, a good job well done, in more than one sense, though not all would know that, not yet at least. A couple of growls and a groan from the floor drew the attention back to Anders whose plight had taken a back seat, which was where Vinny still had his teeth.

“Vinny. Vincent do let that man up will you so he can explain himself, there’s a good lad. I think we have things under control now, thank you.” Said the Queen, as she bent down to praise her companion who, having let go of Anders trouser bottom, came over for a fuss and a treat.

“Jackson, you too, lad. Great job son, but the fun's over now.” The President looked at Jackson, who seemed torn between staying attached to Anders now soggy trouser leg and coming back. “Jackson,” the President affirmed in a more severe tone. “Enough already. You’ll spoil your appetite for the politicians we spoke of earlier. And I know how much you want to try… er … to meet one of the English sort.” Vinny gave a wrrrroof-woof of approval to the whole idea, too. It was a good point, Jackson thought, and so he dropped Anders' leg and trotted back to sit, tail wagging, beside Vinny, ready to take on any and all politicians.

Anders, his body now dog free, started to sit up and then faltered as he saw all eyes were now upon him. He began to speak but found that he was spitting feathers rather than coherent words. “Stand up man, and explain yourself,” the General said firmly but calmly. “Come on, we haven’t all day, and this is probably the last chance you’ll get to see anyone for a long time. Well, out with it….”

Anders stumbled to his feet, looked extremely flustered and red-faced. Then the idea came to him, it had worked earlier so it would work again. “It was a cat sir, ma’am, your highnesses. It was attacking some of the pets, in fact, there was a whole gang of them lead by a black and white one. A real villain it was, evil looking eyes and bitten off ears and dirty smudge on its nose. I lost it but was chasing the rest of the gang, small but very dangerous. Well I was until them there curs got in my way, and I fell.” He gestured to Vinny and Jackson, who instantly growled at the absolute lies they had just heard.

“Balderdash!” Exclaimed the Queen. “Hogwash!” added the President. Vinny and Jackson both wanted to go for Anders but were restrained only by the dictates of the occasion and their company.

“That was nothing more than a kitten I saw you with. I dare say you are the only villain here, kitten snatching and selling. Added the General. “Yes, I think we know your game all right. And take your hat off when you speak to royalty and your betters!”

“It’s the truth!” blurted Anders, but it came out more “Twit’s twer twooth” as he inhaled and then spat out a rather sodden selection of feathers. “I swear on my dear ol’ mother, it was them cats, and I wasn’t selling them, just more relocating them.” He went and pulled off his hat in what he thought was a sign of sincere, albeit false, respect, and revealed something that made even the General flinch. For there, perched on his head, was a rather large spider. In fact, not only was it rather large, but it was angry, very very angry at having been battered and shaken around for the second time that evening. Enough was clearly enough, and it crawled down from Anders' straggly hair, and over his face.

Anders thought he had his audience hooked with his story and what he hoped was a contrite expression of innocence. At least he did until he saw the look of horror on their faces. Then the reason for the horror came to him, or rather came into view, as the hairy body of the tarantula worked its way down and settled on his nose. His eyes crossed, and he leaned his head over from left to right, straining to make sense of the mass that was blocking his view. It wasn’t until he saw a set of beady eyes, and two large jaws connected with his nose that the truth of the situation bit home, quite literally. With a very less than manly scream, he fainted and collapsed, sending a small plume of feathers dancing into the air and wafting across the floor.

“Oh dear, he seems to have, erm, passed out. He’s not going to die, is he?” said the Queen, who bent down to look at the spider who was picking its way through the feathers towards a nice pair of Oxford shoes, knocked off a nearby display.

“Allow me, ma’am,” said the President who bent down and gently picked up the spider, who happily took the help offered. “I think this fine lady should be put somewhere safe and warm. I doubt she will want to go wandering around ever again after this adventure. Not lethal as a rule, but I think he will have a swollen nose for some time to come, and serves him right too.”

Mr Herod signalled to Mr James to come and retrieve the tarantula, which he did, though used a shoe box and held it at arm’s length as he walked away.

 “Well, that was all quite an adventure,” said the General, smiling at his guests, sensing that the event needed to be brought back on schedule. “I think maybe we have time for a cup of tea and a scone before we leave. Mr Herod, would you be so kind as to have Herman remove this man and have him under lock and key, once we have moved on?” He prodded Anders again gently with his stick, an elicited another groan. If you call the police, I believe they are not far away and will be more than happy to have a chat with him.”

“Oh a cup of tea would be most welcoming, indeed,” said the Queen. “I understand from Mr Herod that the Kensington branches of the Women’s Institute, and the FWI, have been baking cake, and making biscuits for us. Mr President, I think you and Jackson will find that there is nothing finer than the home baking of the WI and FWI. Or King Herod's" she added with a smile. "Mr Herod, please lead the way.”

The curtain around the presentation area was pulled all the way back to reveal a lavish display of excellent homemade pies, pasties, cakes, biscuits and sandwiches. On another table, there were carafes of juices, chilled teas, and gently bubbling earns of hot water. And beside that was a very decorative and inventive, Christmas tree like display of stacked gold trimmed cups, saucers, plates, and cutlery. With a gasp of delight, and another round of applause the guests, led by the Queen and President, moved to their much-needed refreshments.


To be continued.........


Well I have to say I am so very pleased that the tarantula got back safe and sound. And wasn't Mr President so cool and calm about picking her up. Do you think there's a chance the President and the Queen will get married, I mean he is a bachelor and all?
And what will be in the sandwiches? Will it be pate, or maybe peanut butter and jelly?
Tune in next week for more fun and games at the BEST Department Store in town!


21 comments:

  1. faaaaaaaaaaaaaa.....general ewe knead ta re use that stix....mor than a prod....N while frank lee we iz scared oh ta ran choolaz... we gotta givez ewe 984 paws UP mizzuz spider but hope EWE iz knot poisoned for bite inn de bass terd on de noze.....ERin.....de coast iz kleer...can ya heer uz....Esme...de coast iz kleer N we thinkz all de petz knead ta ask if they may par take in sum samiches two.... ♥♥♥☺☺☺☺☺

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    1. Sure is paws up for Mrs Tarantula, seems like she knew a villain when she bit one, MOL
      As to the kittens and where I am, I do not know? I mean the thought of all that food should have drawn me in, MOL
      Toodle pips
      ERin

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  2. I am so glad the villain has been caught, thanks to our anipal heroes. But ...

    What about the kittens and Erin and.....

    You mean I have to wait until next week!?!?!?!?

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    1. Seems like Anders is in the bag, for sure, but where the kittens are is another matter! Tune in next week for more fun and adventure, as it really hasn't finished yet!
      Toodle pips
      ERin

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  3. I agree, the evil one was such a pain, but...I know, I know, to be continued MOL!

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    1. He was, and will be still maybe....
      Toodle pips
      ERin

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  4. Hooray for Anders getting his comeuppance. It seems like all is well, but where are Erin and the other kittens?

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    1. That Anders is a slippery character and no mistake, but could he get out of this yet? Tune in over the coming few remaining weeks to find out what has happened to them kittens and Erin...
      Toodle pips
      ERin

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  5. FINALLY! Cats get their due ... courtesy of the Queen! It's about time the higher-ups recognized cats for the hard workers they are!
    "A marvellous show of teamwork on the part of your staff and all the Presidents men, ladies and felines, to keep everything under control.”

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    1. Yes, the young queen is a real, and modern lady, who knows what is what... if a bit shy. I bet it wont be too long before a cat joins her staff ;)
      Toodle pips
      ERin

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  6. I am so relieved that the nasty Anders has got his just desserts at last! He will try and wriggle out of it no doubt, but I am sure the Queen and Mr. President will back Mr. Herod all the way. I wonder who the mysterious person was behind the curtain that Mrs.Hudson spoke to. But Erin, where are you? Are you safe and the kittens too? I do hope so.

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    1. Oh yes, I am too, but like you I am not counting my chickens, or should that be kittens? MOLAs to who was behind the curtain, well that was I am guessing the queen, or maybe the president....
      As to where I am, well, you and I will have to tune in the final weeks to find out ;)
      Till later, toodle pips and purrs
      ERin

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  7. That was sure nice of the President to be concerned for the lady spider. He seems to be a human that appreciates all of Nature's creatures - small and large. I bet Vinny and Jackson get a sampling of those fine refreshments set out for the Queen and her guests. I sure hope all the pussycats get served saucers of tasty rich cream. I don't get cream at home, but on occasion I get a spot of milk. Tee hee hee.

    Paw Kisses and hearts for you, Princess. -Valentine (& Mom) of Noir Kitty Mews

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    1. Dearest Val, I am sure in your alter ego of Agent V, you would be amply repaid for your service, with a very fresh Presidential cream laced with fine vintage nip brandy! And boy, that Mr President is sooo very cool! I do hope he gets re-elected when the time comes... I bet he does as the world needs more like him.
      Purrs
      ERin

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  8. Gettin' bit by that spider was what he deserved. Sure do hope the spider's okay. I mean, a spider could get good poisonin', or somethin' like that, by bitin' a fiend like Anders. MOUSES!

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    1. Yikes, I best get Mr Herod to check the medical insurance policy for Mrs Spider, pronto! I wish I could have seen that scene myself, after all it is one of the highlights of the story.... maybe something else will happen later on, or they'll make a movie of this and Mrs H and I can sit and watch how it all pans out?
      Toodle pips and purrs
      ERin

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  9. Yep, I feel a little romance coming, Erin, but maybe not so openly😸💞Glad Lady spider is safe and now we only have to wait a few days for the next Chapter....YAY🎉🎉Pawkisses for a Happy Weekend 🐾😽💗

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    1. Hmm, not sure who is in love with whom, but theres a lot of folk that get on together, isn't there, and mostly due to Anders. Now theres an irony...
      Toodle pips and purrs till Monday!
      ERin

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  10. Erin, we think the spider should get a medal fur putting the bitey on evil Anders! [Though we do hope the spider didn't catch anything! MOL]

    And thank cod, only one more day until the next chapter and news - hopefully - of the kittens...

    Happy Sunday

    The B Team xox

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    1. Thank you, I shall pass that on to the team at King Herods store. Maybe they give it some extra supper as I suspect there isnt anywhere to pin the medal, MOL
      See you tomorrow!
      ERin

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  11. That Anders makes me so mad saying such awful things about sweet Erin. XO

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