Well another year dawns and peep is none the fitter, so that's another New Years resolution not kept. Not kept on peeps part, I kept mine by saying that I resolved to say that it wouldn't be kept, so as you can see technically I kept mine.Drat, it is in my contract that I do need to get the peep fit, in fact even if it weren't I would still want to do it as a healthy peep is a peep able to serve me better, faster and.... Hmm why do they call it faster? I mean going quicker has nothing to do with being on a diet! One for Miss Description when she comes back from that gourmet cruise of the 100 best restaurants la Mac de Big.
Right, nothing else for it but to engage in some sporting activities with the peep. Lets have a look in my diary and see whats coming up in the calendar for this year.....
Hmm maybe best to skip January as far too dark and cold. Ah-ha I've got it, February is Super Bowl month. I'll play some football...
Sometime later in February........
What Ho, peep. Today we'll be playing football, American football that is, so I expect you to get padded up and ready to go in 5 minutes, and before you ask, no there isn't padding for you derriere, I think it's quite capable of protecting itself.
One hour later........
Really! Oh come on now, that helmet goes on the other way round! And look at you, what are you wearing? Wellingtons? I know this is winter but you don't see the guys running in those. And when I said wear studs I didn't mean in your ears, nose, and around your neck. You look like a geriatric punk doberman, sans teeth.
Tsk tsk, you really do need to read up on these things before setting off.
Anyways best get started, and get into a huddle. No not with me, those studs will play havoc with my fur. And you can't ask the Kraken either as she's just had her tentacles re-slimed and I don't want to have to have to put you through the car wash again. It played havoc with the cars upholstery last time, and bent the sun roof, and the ariel.
Right, all you need to do is bend over and hug yourself then jump up and say 'Break'. Got it? OK. So next what you need to do is go into the garden and throw the ball into the gardener's shed. OK
Whats that you say, they don't do that on TV you say? Well maybe that's because they got a full team, but here well play by Palace Rules which says you throw it into that there shed, shouting HUT HUT HUT. Obviously that's the warning to the grounds staff to evacuate the area.
And wheres the ball? I told you to bring a ball not a pack of premium pork sausages....
Now look, peep, when they said 'pigskin' they weren't referring to sausages, no matter how tasty, they wouldn't last a time out, let alone a first down. Talking of which before you can toss the ball, should we have one, we need a gridiron. I don't see one marked out anywhere, did you get one?
You did? Well I can't see it. Are you sure you didn't leave it somewhere, like near those crop circles we found last week. They'd make a really great baseball set up.
What do you mean, I'm standing beside it?
What, this! You don't mean to say that's it, do you? How can anyone play sports on this, I mean for starters its barely big enough to have a barbecue on....Ahh.... OK so I can see a small flaw in the plan.
OK peep, its Time Out time. Break open the nip beer, and a pack of mouse burgers and fire up this... er... junior gridiron barbecue and we'll kick back and enjoy the half time entertainment.
Whats that peep, what entertainment you say?
Oh didn't I tell you? that's you. Now if you'll hop into that swimsuit and wrap the Christmas tinsel around yourself I think we can get some cheerleader practice in before the second half.....
~~~~~~ To be continued........... ~~~~~~
