Monday, 18 September 2017

Love like a Pirate. Arrr!

Ahoy and avast ye landlubbers, It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Arrrr! 

Welcome dear reader, to Part 2 of our Pirate Adventure of Daring Do and Romance on the high seas.

If you missed Part 1, the link is here: Part 1: Like a Pirate. Arrr!
Join me now for the continuing and the concluding, maybe, adventures of Cat'ptain Erinee who finds a sharks fin in her soup!

Part two: Love like a Pirate, Ahhhh!

Frank gave me another jab to the nose "It's Kangaroo NOT Cockerpoo, you dimwit!" And turned to bounce off in a sulk, but in doings so his large tail walloped me in the chest and sent me tumbling down the plank and out to sea with a less than lady like "Plooosh" sound.

"Ooops! Sorry mate," Frank cried, "should have warned you to give the tail a wide berth. Still, on a hot day like to day you can catch some rays maybe, of the fishy kind that is!"

"Erm excuse me, cat overboard! I have rights you know. You can't leave me here on my own! What about the Pirate Code?!" I managed to gargle as I did a the cat paddle to stay afloat.

"Arrr," squeaked Captain Le Mignon, "you have I fine point there, Cat'ptain Erin, but they're more guide lines really, and so here's my guideline; if you swims straight for another mile or so you'll reach that there ship on the horizon that's bearing down on us as we speak. If you save your breath I think a cat like you can manage it. And if you don't manage it, you'll.....

"Be a very soggy moggy?" I interjected before he could finish his quote rom a famous Western. "Or maybe ready for a nice cheese sandwich?"

"Sharks finIncoming!" Shouted one of the mouse crew as it pointed its cocktail stick my way.

"Well that was good of you to order out. At a push that will do nicely," I said, "So long as there's a nice side salad and a fine Niptinium™ to wash it down with. Nice to see standards aren't slipping amongst the sisterhood of pirates."

"Ha! You're a fine one to joke about meals with them there sharks coming this way, arrr." Le Mignon scoffed "But you'll be shark bait soon enough so won't that be ironic, a kitty eaten by a fish!"

"Captain, captain, that there yonder ship is Persian Cat of War ship, and she's dropped her black floofy sails and making for us at full speed!!!!" squeaked the mouse second mate, who on thinking about it, I mused, was probably a first cousin too!

"Damnations to them Persians!" Le Mignon growled,"With all that floof to catch the wind they'll be on us in no time if we don't lighten the load and make sail! Hoist the Jolly Roger drop the rest of them cats in the brine and lower the sails, you scurvy mice. Well be away with the prize before they can say Niptini™ shaken not stirred!"

With a sadistic chuckle, Le Mignon turned and cut free the net holding my crew, still asleep, and sent them ploooshing into the sea behind me.

"You'll pay for this," I screamed, "I'll be sending you the laundry bill, and hand cream bill too as salt plays havoc with cotton and the paws on wash day!"

"Cat'ptain," said the sleepy Scottish voice of the ships engineer who had paddled up beside me, "I think we've sprung a leak! Either that or the water fountains bigger than I recall? Did we no pack any inflatable loungers? The crew and I could sure do with drying off and catching up on our tans! Arrr"

"Sorry Scottie, I hate to say it but I'm all out of loungers. Do you have the mobile communication device I got from Home De-Port last time we were ashore? I think we may still be in range of the transmission mast you rigged in the crows nest!

"Aye captain, I have it here in me sporran, in one of those natty contains with blue lids we pillaged from the Scandinavian Merchantman The SS Ikea!" Scottie opened the box proudly proffered the communications device to me.

"Who ye going to call?" he said. "Ye haven't a ghost of a chance of getting customer service team at this time! What about Uber?"

"Great plan, Scottie, but I have another call to make which may be quicker!" I hit speed dial to the Association of Pirates and after going through the usual options, press one for Home Start, two Plundering, three for Treasure maps, and eventually got to the option I wanted, namely press nine one one for rescue from being marooned or dumped over board! Within seconds a fleet, or should I say school of fish came to give us a tow.

"Whats this?" Scottie said all shaken by the presence of fins streaking through the water.

"This my Scottish mate, is whats called the 'Pirates COD'. I got the Gold Cod Card last year for just such an emergency!"

"Right," I shouted to the crew, "NO chewing or clawing at our rides out of here, and NO skipping off without tipping else we'll be white balled from the Club Pirate!"

"But where ye headed, Cat'ptain?" Scottie shouted above the sound of the wake from the now racing cod, "Surely not to the Persian Cat o' War?"

"Aye Scottie, It's our only hope." I said, trying to avoid the spray completely ruining my 'Chanel Pour Pirate, No.9' cologne. "These Cod are only good for local trips, and I made a collect SOS call so we'll have to fall on the mercy of that ships captain and hope they pay up?!"

Moments later we were along side the warship, all dark and sinister and brooding. A cat tree, made of sumptuous red velvet, had been lowered for us and we climbed our way up to the deck.

"Oh my Bast!" I explained as we all stood mouth open, agog at the sumptuous surroundings that we found ourselves in. This is beyond epic, aye, its Epically Epic as Pirate Cat'ptain Basil would say. I wonder how they keep this deck carpeting so clean? And those sails, it must take a week of naps to keep them shipshape"

Before I could say more, a voice from the poop deck, which isn't where they keep the litter boxes, hailed the crew and I. "Welcome aboard, Pirate Cat'ptain, and crew, I think you are at my pleasure now and your plundering days are over!

The gallows will await you on our return. Though maybe not if you tell me SECRET. The secret of El Creamado and the famed Golden Cream mines.

I spun to see who it was that was now my captor and threatened my demise. I know I was classed as a Senior Pirate at age eleven but still I'd had all my shots and expected to go on for many more years yet and get my knighthood and have a nice palace in the country, you know the stuff...

"It is I, the Cat'ptain, and this is the day you'll remember as the day you almost had....." But before I could proceed, my eyes met with the Persian Cat'ptain's and even though I wore sash in pink across my face to hide my features, and he a sash of finest black silk with a family crest stitched in finest red and gold silk thread, I knew somehow somewhere we had met.

Strange attire for a Cat'ptain of the Royal Fleet, I mused.

There was a sparkle in his eyes, did her recognise me too, I pondered? Or was this some trick to lure information as to El Creamado?

"Bring her too me, please." he shouted to two of the long and short haired ship panthers, that crewed the ship. "And be quick about it too, and then set else we'll have the Royal Navy after us, for sure."

"Well well well. Cat'ptain I don't seem to have had the pleasure, what mane do ye go by, did ye go by?" He corrected himself and smiled, but not a malicious smile but a sweet and strangely alluring smile that highlighted the food and beautiful green eyes that dazzled and entranced me like the head-lanterns on a cart will a rabbit.

I drew a breath and pulled myself from the eyes, the pools of light that seemed to hypnotise me like a sirens call.

"Fair black and floofi Cat'ptain, a fine ship ye have here and no mistake. But you fly no flag that I can see, and that is strange dress for a sailor of the Royal Persian Fleet?

I cannot see thy face or countenance and feel your manners somewhat lacking grace for as a Lady, and worth two of any tom that sailed the seas, a Gentlecat should introduce himself first. Aye that he should." I said and half expecting to be rebuked for the cheek.

"Well said, even for a Pirate LADY! And I have no qualm about giving thee my name though you shall not live to use it, as it is meant only for one, the one I love."  And with that the Floofi Persian Cat'ptain doffed his hat and in a flourish bowed before me.

"Let me introduce myself, my name is Dashing Count Prince Von Valentino late of O-R-E Gone, though where it's GON I'm not sure. And verily this is no fleet ship but the good ship the Black Floof, scurge of the oceans and bound for the Indies to trade our and your pirate booty!"

Well you could have knocked me over with a nip mouse and rolled me in cream and sprinkled me with grated cheese, though not the Premiers as that would be theft!

"Oh my" I said. "It is I Erinee your beloved and....." I ripped off my silken disguise and let it fall to the black floofi decking. We stared at each other for what seemed an eternity and then ran to each others paws and embraced as long lost lovers, as kin.

"Oh my Prince how is this so? Why are you here, what errand brings you to sea when I thought you were a desk jockey?" I looked in astonishment at the fine figure of floofiness that cut the dash in his silken pantaloons and feathered tricorn hat before me, and started to cry. "I am undone and my secret life is laid bare before thee, and the lowly life I have taken up to make my fortune to be worthy of your love is discovered."

"Oh Erinee, I too am undone, but that is purely a tailoring issue! Ah yes, this whole persona is but a charade to prove myself worthy of thy simple beauty. A simple Count's life seemed to boring for the exciting life I wanted you to have, so I chose to sail the seas and make my name, and have tales to tell our kittens, and they their kittens. With tears in both our eyes we let go and took each others paws and looked out at the ocean and horizon before us.

"Oh what a fool this age of chivalry and Royal Piracy has made of me, I can see it now." Valentino sighed and pawed a tear from his eye. "You are and always have been my Princess, no matter the ocean or street we sailed down. Lets set sail for adventures and harbours new. What say ye, my sweet Princess Erinee, will thee join me? Say Aye, and the world is thy oyster, and all the undiscovered realms I shall name for you, sweet Princess. What say thee?'

 Copyright: <a href=''>isselee / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

"Oh Valentino!"

"Oh Erinee!"



"Oh Erin!"

"Erin? where are you? This is the chef, Diner is served in dining hall two. Just how you like it."

The tannoy clicked off, and deafening silence returned.

"Eeek! What's happening?" I jumped from my nice wool duvet in surprise. "Cat overboard! Splice the main brace you scurvy sea cat else that thing will have split ends by morning!"

"Whats going on.... where am I?"

Oh man not again! I thought, this happens in all the dreams and just at the smoochie good bit too. Darn chef, I'll have 'im swing from the yardarm for that. Arrrr!

I wonder whats on the menu? Oooh will you look at that, sharks fin soup followed by mignon mouse pineapple and cheese kebabs, my favourite! I wonder how the chef knew?

                                                        ~~~~~ The End ~~~~~

Please note, other Cod taxi services are available, and care should always be taken when handling Sprouts, preferably with safety equipment!

© All text, characters, and images are copyright Erin the Cat, Princess. 
Persian Cat AKA Valentino appears courtesy of and is Copyright of : isselee / 123RF Stock Photo