What Ho peep. What you doing?Gardening huh?
I see, and you think the sink is the best place to do the gardening?
Yup, well I can see the similarity between the sinks and the flower pots, that are the preferred vessel for plants, but......
Watercress you say? Well, granted they need running water, but I hardly think our sink is the best place, do you?
Why not try bathroom No. 4, that's free. I had a long term let to a family of otters, but they decided to emigrate to Canada, better working conditions and the like.
Hang on a mo..... surely you need to have something to garden and a skill, like an -ology, before you can garden? Sort of stands to reason that gardening requires both a garden and an ING to make it work.
Do we have an ING by the way?
And if not why not!?
I mean we have an ER, that's the peep that does the garden, so I think surely we must have an ING that you could borrow, or something lying about that's like an ING but for beginners. Like an IN' maybe?
There must be such things for the novice plant assassin such as yourself. I mean we must face facts that your record on killing plant life is pretty much up there with a hoard of snails slugs and locust combined.
Anyways, if we need an ING or an IN' then we better send out for one ASAP.
Hold that thought, there's a couple of shops in the village that may well have an IN's for sale, they're the ones with the car parks too. Yup I saw it last week as I was ankling down to the opening of the new Cream Bar in the village, called The Creme de Nipth. Very cosmopolitan I must say, and all the right sort of crowd too, bright young things, like me.
Great decor, and the most exquisitely delish' free Mouse Entrees, for the guests that is, not the mice.
Yes, now if only that lovely lad, Valentine could have seen me. It would have been right up his avenue, and with that new stroller of his he could have arrived in style, parked up at the shop that sells OUT's and not had to worry about getting the paws or fur wet. He could have given me a lift and escorted me in too.
Ah well, maybe if Blog Paws comes to the UK we can share an evening out on the tiles. I could show him all the stars and the hedges and roofs and best mousing practices.
It pays for an aspiring country gentlecat to know the form, as it were, the rights and wrongs and leftovers of polite society.
Anyways, Tally Ho and all that, peep. Head on off and get yourself an IN' before you they sell out.
Oh and don't accept anything less than an IN', no matter how cheap. I know it's temping to think an IT might be just as good, but just think back to when you got lumbered with that second hand IT! Those ex IT's are nothing but problems in the long run and we'll be back to square one!
****** Some time later...... ******
What Ho, peep. What you doing now?
Yup, I can see you have an apron on, and I hope given the moratorium on you and cooking and using sharp objects, you were not planning on making ready meals again? I mean, when they said pierce the film lid on that meal, they really didn't mean using the handle end of the knife!
Uh huh, really? You mean that you have to wear that when you garden? Really? It's what they all use, you say? Well give me a twirl and lets see what you wasted our money on this time!
At least you didn't get a bag of magic nip seeds again. After the last time I really should have gone myself. Do you realise that I still haven't managed to get rid of that nip plant from the side of the North tower!
Yup, it's a hardy variety I'll give it that, and at this rate by Christmas you'll be able to climb to the top and get to the North Pole. Sadly it ain't Nip, though on the plus side I won't be short of beans for the foreseeable!
Never send a peep to do a cats work I say. You'll never catch me trading a pot of premium 'Triple C' for a bag of magic seeds. I mean Canadian Cheese and Cream dip is worth far more.... at least a five bags of seeds...... and some tasty chickens...... and my own private jet to get me around the globe, I could even call in on Valentine!
OK, give up already with the twirling, there's dervishes out there going dizzy!
Hmm, nice pockets, do you have an IN' in one of those, perchance?
Whats that ol' bean? No IN's in stock you say. Well that's a bit much. What about the other shop next door, the foreign sounding one? They had a sign up saying INN, that's German, I do believe, for IN'.
What's that? the shops shut, you say? Really! Well I never, that is terrible. A piece of tradition, a country pub destroyed for some no good fast food joint, I bet.
A curried mouse takeaway no doubt, catering for a society on the rocks, not caring about where food comes from, it's taste or the cost to life or limb.... or tail.
I really do need to get on to the Palace and Village Traditional Values Committee and complain.
OK peeps, if you will get dressed, well more than just an apron, and start taking dictation. We'll send it to the highest court in the land. Apparently they only sit in session every other month on account of getting Sherpas to get them to the top of Ben Nevis!
So, whats the name of this palace of innocuous culinary generality, gastronomic mediocrity and taste bud numbingness, huh?
Whats that you say, It's The Creme de Nipth......
Ahh......
Oh......
Umm......
Oh THAT restaurant. I thought you'd got confused with the milliners next door! I'm mean hats were never really your strong point were they, just look at the saucepan incident after the last Christmas party!
Well of course there has to be flexibility in local planning. After all we need to have new restaurants open up, and classical cuisine should always be allowed to flourish. Raises the tone of the area too, and encourages the 'right sort'.
And as I said, or was going to say, well certainly thought, had it occurred to me, that sometimes the old should give way to the new, to allow fresh talent to blossom, to bloom where once stood a tired relic of a by gone era. Forgotten by its patrons and left to rack and ruin.
Whats that peep, early closing Wednesday you say?
Ah well that's not the point, and it's not as though we haven't got plenty of pubs in the surrounding two hundred mile radius. Easily within reach for anybody in need of that sort of fare. What's a bus, train and a taxi ride these days.
OK so you may not be able to get them all when you need them, on the same day, but if the inclination is there people will make the effort to support their local hostelry.
Anyways, on the subject of blossoming cuisine, I believe the cook wants the sink back to grow a salad for next weeks lunches, and needs some beans too! So if later you'll swing your ING, or IN', back into gear I believe I did see some beans that had made their way to the guttering on the North tower roof, third window to the right.
Today however I thought you could treat me to a meal at The Creme de Nipth, as a treat for something yet to be done.
Oh and bring some of that Magic Nip Spice I got last week, from the travelling Magic Nip Spice Company saleslady. Apparently if you sprinkle it on you can add an extra six inches to your height. Short term effect, of course, but just right for social events.
All you have to do is sprinkle it on, let it sink in, and then shake. Then to make the magic work, you just have to do hold your head up high and hey presto, growth ensues!
The saleslady assures me that the residue that comes off is useful around the Palace for gritting paths and the like. Or you can recycle it. As this is a very ethical company, and the product is very popular across the globe, recycling is a high priority.
Yup, she even showed me pictures of the designated recycling areas, all along the cost where the used powder is deposited and then washed by the natural action of the sea, ready to be re-infused with the magical blend of nip and spice.
Now I know what you're thinking, and believe me when I say, YES, it was a bargain at £100 ($130). But they can't fool me, no ma'am, and there's always a margin in these things so I managed to beat her down on the price and got it at £50. So I got two!
Let this be a lesson to you ol' fruit, there's no pulling a fast one on this Princess!
Now if you'll get a dustpan, I'll need you to do a bit of sprinkling and recycling......
~~~~~~ The End ~~~~~~
It's Sunday Selfie time!
