Balls, the story so far.................
Somewhere, in a Palace far far away, a Princess rules a kingdom ravaged by mice..... well she wished it was as she hasn't seen one for ages and desperately wanted a fresh meal!
Anyways, evil forces from King Pizza and the King Chardonnay, in the Kingdom of Fridge, had conspired to make her human fat, and so a regime was put in place to banish the cellulite by taking up sport.......
Sometime in February........
"What Ho, peep. Today we'll be playing football, American football that is, so I expect you to get padded up and ready to go in 5 minutes, and before you ask, no there isn't padding for you derriere, I think it's quite capable of protecting itself."
And..............
"And wheres the ball? I told you to bring a ball not a pack of premium pork sausages....
Now look, peep, when they said 'pigskin' they weren't referring to sausages, no matter how tasty, they wouldn't last a time out, let alone a first down!"
© ERIN THE CAT PRINCESS |
"Of course that practice wasn't without its risks especially if the mice broke loose and ran up the threads, as mice are want. Rumour has it that it was one such incident that gave rise to what later became called the Highland Fling!"
And...
"Now back to the game at paw and those golfers, do you think they'd be happy with a piece of string tied to their balls, should they get lost?"
Also...
"Of course there is one small task you will have to do in return for this participating in my money making scheme... how do you feel about mouses down your stockings?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And now, for your cinematographic delight in glorious TC™ & DMS™ (Tuxedo Colour, and Dubious Meowround Sound), Albert R. Nipolli presents:-
Balls free, Attack of the Bicycle!
What Ho, peep, anyone for.... Umm, what are we playing this month?
I know its not horse racing, you tried that last month and not a success. Of course if you'd actually got proper horses that.....
Whats that peep? Cheaper to get that them that way? Bulk hire rate, twelve for the price of one?
Well I suppose that is good value, but which one won? I mean it was all very ordered at the beginning but quite frankly it seemed to descend into utter chaos, and I was dizzy watching you all spinning around and bobbing up and down over those fences.
And I had a bet on the one with 'candy floss pink' coloured silk hat, a £1 each way bet I think it was. I'm not daft you know, if there's going to be a prize for going backwards as well as forwards I want a bit of that action.
Whats that peep, they were ALL in 'Candy floss' pink? Oh well, no matter, I did have an each way bet on them all so I think the odds are I'll get something back on fifty percent of them. Shame about those that are even, they never seem to get a chance to be the favourite.
Anyways, when did the Merry-go-Round owner say when he was coming to collect them fillies?
Tomorrow you say? Hmm, in that case I think there's time for a re-run of the last race. I do rather think the jockey, namely you, was holding the horse back. I mean, I don't think hanging of its neck screaming "STOP! STOP!" is really in the Jockey Club rules, do you?
Anyways, what I have lined up for you this afternoon is cycling. Yup there's nothing quite like a quiet cycle ride around the castle to chase away the blues.... and if you wave your hands around you can scare away the pigeons too. Two birds with one stone as it were. So if you'll slip into your super spandex outfit and fit these super special high impact spangly cycle glasses that they all wear, I show you to your mount.
Whats that ol' sport? They look like a diving suit and welding visor?
OK, well technically yes, but if you fall off and into the moat that suit will keep you warm and dry and save a cleaning bill. As to the glasses, just think of them as deflecting the bugs that come your way like a personal windshield.
Now as to steads, I have spared no expense. Well actually I had no expenses to spare so I took out a lone on your credit card and scraped together enough for this special super dooper high tech racing machine.
I can tell from that dropped jaw that you are impressed, and well you should be, the travelling velocipede salesman assured me this is state of ark stuff.
All the latest advancements in velocipede design. In fact note the dragster lines the high rise seating position. Yup you'll be head and shoulders above the competition with this baby.
Whats that peep? A Penny Farthing you say?
Well that just shows how much you know, this is the decimalised version called the 2P10P, that's 2Pound and 10Pence to the layperson or in America that will be sold as the 2D10C but I think that will change with the exchange rate.
Anyways, if you will just pop on board I'll give you a run down on the controls....
Sometime later......
Enough already with the moaning, how was I to know you don't tie the hoist sling that way through the legs! Just think of it as a new slimming and breathing exercise, plus it will make you more streamlined, a bit.
OK, now you're there, get yourself settled in. Yup that's the seat, granted smaller than you're used to but there was no way we could fit a recliner and maintain stability at speed. Right what I need you to do is grasp that there navigational control lever and initiate pre flight checks, flaps ailerons rudder etc... Ooops sorry I got my pilots training manual out by mistake, hang on I'll be right back.....
Sometime even later.......
Oooh hello, are you still here?
Waiting for me you say?
Oh heck, I forgot! Sorry there was this great reality TV show starting, Hollywood Cats, and then there was At Home with the Catdashians, a fly on the wall look at everyday famous cats trying to live sleepy lives. Of course totally unrealistic, I mean a cat household with a fly on the wall? Just wouldn't happen!
Anyways, now you're here I think its time to get started. Grab the handle bars and push off from the wall with your feet. Oh if you happen to see any ripe fruit on the way round, I've added a kids fishing net on a pole.
Any questions?
Breaks you say? What about brakes?
Oh you mean does it have any. Well, as this is the racing model, the sales peep said you won't need brakes, sort of hinders the speed. But if you do, it includes the patented 'Issac Newton Braking System' i.e. you fall off and land on your head!
Now you can't say fairer than that!
To be continued.............. No, seriously it is!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LOL oh my GOODness the poor peep. He will be worn to a frazzle with all this exercise won't he!!
ReplyDeleteHappy Sunday Selfie and happy healthy cycling!!!
Alas the peep doesn't ever manage to fulfil any of the exercise I prescribe! Still one way or another we will all get fit even if only in the try ng!
DeletePurrrs
ERin
looks like your exercise plan is working Erin...now move over and make some room for me....you look snugly ,xx Speedy
ReplyDeleteOooh yes welcome aboard the good ship duvet! Plenty of room and always calm seas. MOL XXX
DeletePurrrs
ERin
What are you doing to your peep, Princess, putting him on a state-of-the-ark velocipede--and without a recliner??? Cannot wait to see how this turns out... :)
ReplyDeleteTune in next week and I have a full report on the incident... everyone, bar peep, will enjoy that one.
DeletePurrrs
ERin
Those bicycles can be pretty dangerous so one with a recliner seat sounds purrfect! Love your selfies sweet Princess!
ReplyDeleteOh well danger should just add to the calorie loss, I was thinking.... either that or knock some sense into the head! A recliner! Heck no, the aerodynamics would be all askew. Anyways, a little discomfort will aid calorie loss. MOL
DeleteERin
Hope your peep did not break her face when she tried to stop. We often fall asleep in the midst of taking selfies. As you know, it is a cat thing. Thanks for joining our 3rd anniversary hop. Her's to another year. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy
ReplyDeleteHehehe I'm not entirely certain how the peep stopped, but rumour has it there are now some pretty upset sheep on the estate!
DeletePurrrs
ERin
Aaaaaaaaw ERin, you always look so bootyful. And, ya' sure look comfy on dat blanky. Good luck with da excercisin' of da peep. Mommy wouldn't dare try cyclin' these days. she says she 'members it from long ago, but can't 'member how she actually stayed on da thing. MOL Big hugs
ReplyDeleteLuv ya'
Dezi and Raena
Hi ladies, I tries my best on the bootyful front but even I get a few whiskers out of place. It's a fun time job keeping spick and span for guests, probably why I'm so tired... MOL
DeleteERin XOX
Aaaaaaaaw ERin, you always look so bootyful. And, ya' sure look comfy on dat blanky. Good luck with da excercisin' of da peep. Mommy wouldn't dare try cyclin' these days. she says she 'members it from long ago, but can't 'member how she actually stayed on da thing. MOL Big hugs
ReplyDeleteLuv ya'
Dezi and Raena
Best maybe get the peep to give it a miss and take up the indoor sort if the urge takes, I got mine one off those and at least can't fall off or get lost on it! MOL
DeletePurrrs
ERin
I hope the peep has a helmet. :) You take a lovely selfie, very pretty. XO
ReplyDeleteHmm I'd not thought about that... would an old saucepan do, do you think?
DeletePurrs
ERin
Ooh...this sounds a bit dangerous!
ReplyDeleteApparently, its as easy as falling off a penny farthing. MOL
DeletePurrrs
ERin
ERin you are thee sweetest sassiest funniest Purrincess mee knowss!! Yur bloggie post all wayss make us laff an mee-yow out loud! An yur selfiess this week were purrfect....a nappin selfie iss no easy paw!!
ReplyDeleteWishin you a good week trainin yur Peep! Mee iss still werkin on mine ;)
***nose kissesss*** Siddhartha Henry xxxx
Oh Prince Siddhartha Henry, that is so kind to say. I am so pleased when folks read my journal and have some fun... life too short to be miserable for long. Good luck working on your peep, mine is another few years at least, and taken 3 years to learn to leave the duvet turned down! MOL
DeletePurrrs and headbumps and hugs
ERin
What beautiful selfies Erin...Great job!!
ReplyDeletexoxo
Arty & Jakey
Thank you, now if only I can stay awake MOL
DeletePurrrs
ERin
The King Chardonnay was making my mum fat too so now I'm glad she's thrown it out and says no more!
ReplyDeleteCute selfie, Erin :)
Purrs xx
Athena
A very good plan in deed. That and pizza are the peeps major weaknesses, and of course theres me too, but I consider that a strength. Behind, in front and on top of every aspiring peep, there is a wise cat tugging away at the strings....
DeletePurrrs
ERin
Amarula posted her own exercise plan today! tell your peep to Have fun cycling--wear a helmet!
ReplyDeleteOooh, great to see we are having a global impact on the waistline MOL Oh yes I don't send the peep anywhere without a hat these days in case falls over or bumps into rogue pizza and Chardonnay shops, apparently they get everywhere!
DeletePurrrs
ERin
ERin; we hope yur dadz meenin a bike like a bicycle bike N knot de slang for motorcycle like they uze heer coz otherwize ....iz bak ta foot ball !!!! yur selfeez R awesum !! ☺☺♥♥
ReplyDeleteHi guys, ooh yes, definitely a bicycle... NO WAY would I let the peep out and in charge of anything like a bike, heck it would take forever just to explain why it didn't have peddles and a bell! MOL
DeletePurrrs
ERin
For some reason, this post reminds me of Don Quixote (the first half ... which I quite enjoyed ... not the last half which was err ... less impressive). It sounds like a circus around there ... perhaps you could add a hall of mirrors to adjust based on your Peep's exertion? Not that I have any room to talk ... the only running I do is to break up the odd feline death match. I suppose it is unfair to expect my cats to get exercise when I so vocally object to getting any myself. Lovely selfies, Erin ... absolute purrfection!
ReplyDeleteWhy thank you, that is quite an honour "The Ingenious Hidalgo Don Quixote of La Mancha" is quite a book, and I think you have found my true inner self, though mixed with a fair share of Sancho Panza too! As to the peep hopeless sums it up. Sorry the ending was not up to snuff, I blame peeps weight not allowing free access to the keyboard. MOL I hope the season finale will be up to speed MOL!
DeletePurrrs
ERin
Your human is really taking this exercise thing to new highs. ;)
ReplyDeleteMOL Yup, I'm so glad you saw the WORTH in my plan....
DeletePurrrs
ERin
Nice selfie, Erin!
ReplyDeleteAnd your exercise programs for your peep are the best; if only he was able to do them, eh? :)
Well , I had high hopes with that there Penny Farthing that the peep would make inroads into the calories, seems like I wasn't fast enough..... YET Tune in next week for the season finale!
DeleteERin
MOL...I think a few brakes aren't a necessary evil, Erin..maybe a break to the Catdashians...MOL...did you make me laugh again today :D Geat snuggly Selfies too :) Double Pawkiss for a Happy Week ahead :) <3
ReplyDeleteTrouble is the peep wouldn't let go of the brakes so we would never get anywhere, at all! Soft landings are way more fun, and safer.... I wonder what next weeks season finale will bring!?
DeletePurrrs
ERin
Hmm... maybe you could train my peep, too. He keeps saying he is fat around the middle. That happens when peeps sit at a desk all day. Dear Erin, I think it may be a "farthing" from the truth if our peeps think they can lose a little extra poundage without taking a spin or two around the block. Tee hee hee! Luvs. -Valentine (& Mom) of Noir Kitty Mews
ReplyDeleteHmm, I think if you follow my simple course of nine million and three lessons, all at the special introductory price of three kegs of long life cream and two breeding mice of good stock, your peep will lose that weight in a trice! (fee is non refundable) Oooh I love the play on words, you are quite a wit and another of your many talents.... Maybe you could write a fun diary entry for me? As to spins around the block, if we motorised your mighty stroller so it went faster your peep would have to walk faster too!
DeletePurrrs and pawkisses to you, dear Prince of Floofiness
ERin TCP
PS I have a Penny Farthing for sale should your peep wish to try?
Your poor peep! Would you believe Mom Paula has a brand new bicycle in the storage building that has been there for a few years and she hasn't ridden it?
ReplyDeleteOh yes I can well believe it. We had one and the spiders did more miles in it than the peep did. In the end it got sold and we have a static bicycle instead, which gets used whilst listening t audio books..... alas its the spiders that are getting educated and fit and not the peep !
DeletePurrrs
ERin
<3 We love the photos of you little one!
ReplyDeleteOooh, Thank you, a Princess does like to be appreciated, especially after a hard nights work....
DeletePurrrs
ERin
Thank you. Peep says its that colour due to using too much nip, and if I carry on I'll go all black!. Me thinks that could just be a little black lie MOL
ReplyDeletePurrrs
ERin
Erin, you truly have the totally cutest paw pads ever! Where ever do you get your coloring done? Who is your Paw Pad Stylist??
ReplyDeleteOooh thank you, I do like my paws being complimented. A little manx does them for me , Maurice the Manx Manicures, a lovely little nail and pad boutique in the next village. Next time you're over we can nip in for a padicure...
DeleteToodle-oo till next time
ERin