The Hangover!

This is my selfie for the week:-

I spend a lot of time at the moment pondering life, the meaning of things, and jobs that I need to do, such as this blog, and the book Valentine and I are sorting out for publication.

And then I go off and have a nap and dream of tasty treats, mice, and cream.... and cream, mice, and treats. MOL

When the clouds clear, we have some lovely bursts of sun that give a little warmth to this old place and just have to be enjoyed come what may. But, as quickly as they come, and like the Sunday Selfies, they all too quickly sink again behind the hill......

To see what all our pals have been up to, click the links below.

............... and now it's Sunday Story Time!

This weeks story is...................... The Hangover!

Erin is tossing and turning in bed, after a long and disturbed nights sleep. Well technically, as Mrs Hudson would say, it was a mornings sleep as Erin had been out on the tiles all night!

"Oh my.

Oh woe is me.

Oh me oh my.

Oh brother sister cousin uncles and aunts.

Oh my head! My toes! I'm burning up.

Oh heck I think I am dying!"

Reaching over, and after a moment of fumbling, she pressed the button on her bedside table.

Down in the kitchens, the eyes in the picture of Erin that was hung over the mantelpiece, started to flash. Mrs Hudson was busying herself ironing the morning copy of the Daily Mouser newspaper, drying it out after it fell into the moat. She had, however, flatly refused to dry out the paperboy. Well after all he deserved a dunking for teasing the kraken with offers of gum candy in the shape of squids! As she had her back to the picture, the signalling eyes went unseen.

Back upstairs, Erin's paw jabbed wildly once more for the button. After having knocked over the Micky and Minnie alarm clock, and a small glass of moisturising cream that she kept her spare claws in, she found and gave it such a smacky paw that it got stuck in the depressed position, which was, coincidentally, how she then felt!

Down in the kitchens the picture, having been activated for a second and now continuing time, erupted in a ever increasing caterwaul. The black fur of the frame stood on edge and the black tail switched back and forth with such vigour the nearby ornaments were swept to the floor. Mrs Hudson turned in alarm to see the mess on the floor, and the picture that now threatening to explode off the wall with it's gyrations. "Oh my, will you look at all that mess. I wonder if something is wrong? I best go and tell Erin, and whilst I'm at it I'll try out that new elevator we had installed last week. It could be a bit bigger, but if I'm careful I might be able to get a pot of tea in too!"

She opened the lift doors, one up and the other down, and squeezed in headfirst. Once in, she slid down the top door which bought the bottom one up to meet it. Clearly, she mused, this was designed for house keepers with miniskirts. She couldn't see how with her standard issue petticoats, she could get herself and anything more than a processed cheese slice and nip spread sandwich in here. A pot of tea was definite NOT going to happen unless she wanted a good scalding.

A small bell rang, and the lift shuddered to a halt in Erin's bedroom. Sliding the door up, she realised getting out would be slightly less of a worry as she could hold onto the bell pull rope to one side. "Erin?" She called out into the half lit room. "That picture of yours in the kitchen seems to be broken, least ways it was getting very excited about something. Maybe it saw a mouse.... or a mouse chewed through its wires?"

Erin groaned from the bed, and covered her head with her free paw. "Oh my, Mrs Hudson there you are. I seem to have my claw stuck. Is there any chance you could tease it free for me?"

"Oh Erin dear, bless you, you should have buzzed!"

Erin groaned once more, and moved her paw in a circling manner about her forehead. "Mrs H, I'm dying. I feel terrible and weak and oh I feel woozy too! Please get the doctor. No phone the consultant and the paramedics and maybe put the air ambulance on standby. Oh my head, it hurts so. I can't even feel my toes! Mrs Hudson what should I do?"

"Well dear, first up you need to reach down and find your legs. Once you have them, follow them down to the end and your toes will be right there. I do it everyday myself so can vouch that it works very well.”

"No, no Mrs Hudson my HEAD, it hurts AND I can't feel my toes. It's my head though not my toes that hurts.” Had she been able to think straight, then no doubt Erin would have definitely thought that today was clearly going to be One of those days. But she couldn't think straight and thus didn't, though later she would make a note to always ask first if it was one of those days, and if it was, she would duck out of whatever the issue was.

Mrs Hudson drew near and gently touched Erin's forehead with her hand, and suddenly withdrew it. "Oh my, Erin, you are burning up. I best get a thermometer and check just in case. I'll be back in a moment. Don't you fret now lovie, rest still and Mrs H will make you better. I'll bring some warm fluids with me too." She darted from the room as fast as her feet would allow. She vaulted onto the stairlift, flung the lever into the 'Emergency' mode and rocketed down the spiral staircase. Moments later there was a muffled crash and the sound of Mrs H being flung unceremoniously onto the stone floor.

Back in her room, Erin was trying to find her toes. She was surprised and much relieved to discover that Mrs Hudson was right, well, right up to her ankles anyway. After that all she thought she could feel was the solid mass of the end of the bed!

Mrs Hudson gathered her first aid supplies, together with a flask of soothing warm nip broth. She was, however, at a loss for a thermometer. There had been some when she first arrived at the Palace, but one by one they had all vanished, including the large basting thermometer. "Must be them ghosts," she muttered. "Best take the brewers thermometer from the cellar. Could be a bit of a squeeze but should do OK with a dab of Vaseline.

Moments later, Mrs H strapped herself into the chair and, pressing the large red button marked LAUNCH, clamped her thin fingers around the armrests. Contrary to her expectations, the ascent was far more sedate, though the speed still made her skirt fly around like Marilyn Monroe. He bun got into the act too and spun around and from side to side like some strange hooked fish trying to evade the anglers net.

Groans met her ears as she alighted onto the second floor platform, as Erin had it labelled, and so she, after securing her skirts tottered into the bedroom. "Oh my dear, you do sound bad. Here pop this thermometer into your mouth and we'll see what you are like."

Erin let out a yelp when she saw the eighteen inch long thermometer bearing down on her, and pulled her head to one side. Alas in doing so the thermometer slipped neatly into Erin's ear. "Eoooow! That was cold, Mrs Hudson. Now I have an ear ache too. Surely you could just rest it on my forehead or maybe I could hold the end?"

"Now now, dear, these things need to be done. I dare say size doesn't matter when it comes to taking readings. Grow up and be a good princess and it will be over soon. Mrs H frowned as she checked the nurses watch she had pinned to her pinafore."Right that should about do it, lets see what this says." With that she slid the end of the thermometer out from Erin's ear and carefully turned it between her fingers.

The light picked out the sliver vein of mercury within the centre of the glass. She sighed and referred to a small home brewers manual that she took from her pocket. "Well princess seems like this is quite serious. Says here that if you're one hundred and two point five, then your yeast is too hot. Needs to be cooled down else your fermentation will stop and you'll have a horrid boiled taste. Suggests I pop you into a fridge or maybe a cold bath for a bit. Hows that sound dear?"

Had Mrs H been eluding to her being boiled then cooled and eaten? Erin was not sure but it did just sound like she was on the A La Cat menu! "Umm you know what Mrs Hudson, I think I shall just take the tried and tested method and remove a couple of blankets. Maybe you could give me a hand as my feet do seem to have left me, and when I felt down I only came to my ankles and then hit the end of the bed."

Mrs Hudson threw back the wool duvet and gasped and then removed a large book. "Well I can see why you can't feel your toes, Erin, you have this book resting on them! The Black Cats Tell All book you won from Dash Kittens Christmas give away. Silly thing you are, you must just have a touch of bad circulation. Here, if I rub them for a bit you should be as right as rain." And with that she started to massage Erin's toes.

"And whats this flex you been lying on? Seems like it goes under the mattress and....." Mrs Hudson's voice trailed off as she pulled on the flex. "Erin dear, did your mother never tell you not to go to bed sleeping on your electric blanket? I mean you won that lovely new one from the Dezi and Raena Belles give-away so there's no need to be using this old thing. No wonder you are baking. Here let me take it away and throw it out."

With that Mrs H slid away the old pink and blue human electric blanket, and let Erin settle back down again. "Well I bet that feels better, now doesn't it? I'm guessing you won't need a cold bath after all, or a visit to the fridge. Shame really I had just cleared a spot beside the ham. Yup have been a cosy spot too, what with the cheese and the pitcher of nip cocktails beside it."

Erin groaned. The thought of nip as a beverage in any form made her tummy grumble. The party down the local inn had been to celebrate her third Blogoversary, and getting to the last rounds of the Frontline UK Real Pets competition. Sadly she had overdone the liqueurs trying to prove to the locals that city cats could hold their drink. Having drunk the local rugby team AND the Young Farmers team under the cat tree, she'd barely made it to the public litter box in the village green before the effects took hold. She had hoiked up not only a hairball but also the two mouse kebabs she'd just eaten. She vowed there and then, like so many times before, NEVER to have another kebab again!

"I have a flask of warm broth for you and some Niprinol™ pain killer for that sore head. Must have been all the noise from that party you went to. I heard you singing all the way from the village. I dare say Farmer Giles will be having a word later for all the cream you'll have turned! Still, look on the bright side, Erin, I dare say you'll have lost some weight what with sweating so much. And I not heard you sneeze all night either. Now you rest easy for the rest of the day and enjoy the peace and quiet. There's more of that broth bubbling on the stove if you want and I'll start the evening meal about five. Hows about a nice mouse kebab with all the trimmings sound, smothered in a rich Niptreux™ sauce? Erin dear, you do look like you coming over all flushed, was it something I said?"




The End.