Sunday 27 August 2017

The Finale... possibly!


Balls, the story so far................


Somewhere, in a Palace far far away, a Princess rules a kingdom ravaged by mice..... well she wished it was as she hasn't seen one for ages and desperately wanted a fresh meal!

Anyways, evil forces from King Pizza and the King Chardonnay, in the Kingdom of Fridge, had conspired to make her human fat, and so a regime was put in place to banish the cellulite by taking up sport.......


First there was........

"And wheres the ball? I told you to bring a ball not a pack of premium pork sausages....

Now look, peep, when they said 'pigskin' they weren't referring to sausages, no matter how tasty, they wouldn't last a time out, let alone a first down!"



© ERIN THE CAT PRINCESS. NOT FOR REPRODUCTION IN ANY FORMLater this happened........

"Of course that practice wasn't without its risks especially if the mice broke loose and ran up the threads, as mice are want. Rumour has it that it was one such incident that gave rise to what later became called the Highland Fling!"

And who could forget this........

"Now back to the game at paw and those golfers, do you think they'd be happy with a piece of string tied to their golf balls, should they get lost?"

Also...

"Of course there is one small task you will have to do in return for this participating in my money making scheme... how do you feel about mouses down your stockings?"

Then in August there was.......

Tomorrow you say? Hmm, in that case I think there's time for a re-run of the last race. I do rather think the jockey, namely you, was holding the horse back. I mean, I don't think hanging of its neck screaming "STOP! STOP!" is really in the Jockey Club rules, do you?

And then this happened.....

Enough already with the moaning, how was I to know you don't tie the hoist sling that way through the legs! Just think of it as a new slimming and breathing exercise, plus it will make you more streamlined, a bit.

Not forgetting this.....

Oh you mean does it have any. Well, as this is the racing model, the sales peep said you won't need brakes, sort of hinders the speed. But if you do, it includes the patented 'Issac Newton Braking System' i.e. you fall off and land on your head!

Now you can't say fairer than that!                                                        


                                                   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now, for your cinematographic delight, in glorious TC™ & DMS™ (Tuxedo Colour, and Dubious Meowround Sound),  

Albert R. Nipolli presents:-


Balls 4,  Return of the Yeti!



© ERIN THE CAT PRINCESS. NOT FOR REPRODUCTION IN ANY FORM
What Ho, peep, hows those bruises coming along?

Uh-hu, really, and they'll be there how long? Months you say, really! I suppose they're just plain ol' black and blue, huh?

No?

Really?

They're those shades?

Hmm, hang on I could maybe do a swatch for your bedroom curtains and bed sheets, always good to co-ordinate and blend in, and sure does make a change from your usual pasty grey.

So far this year we have done horse racing, on merry go rounds, on which I made a real killing on an each way bet on who'd be first to fall off and cry.... any guesses?

OK, moving swiftly on, which aptly brings me to your recent cycling attempts, when you managed to terrorise three old ladies. Well they weren't old and grey before you had knocked them and their guide dogs out the way.

Thankfully they landed in a heap in a pile of clothes and sustained only mild bruises, for which some kindly passersby administered some frozen peas and Brussels sprouts. I know this as a fact as I have been presented with a sizable bill for the thawed food.

What I really would like to know is, besides how you got that bicycle into the supermarket, how on earth do they get away with charging that much for Brussels! Daylight robbery I say, which is the charge the shop owner brought for the trousers the bicycled snagged as it careered through the isles!

I've had to buy those trousers, and also managed to get the trousers dropped on account on you clearly not being of sound mind. I mean who in their right mind rides a souped up, decimalised, Penny Farthing in a wet suit and welding mask!

I wouldn't have minded the trousers, but you picked up some rather distastefully lurid yellow tartan trousers off the bargain rail. Clearly the bottom has fallen out of that market since the upsurge in kilt wearing, resultant directly from my recent expose of what was really under the kilt. Mouses!

OK, this is your last chance, its bite the bullet time, do or die. Well, less of the die and more of the doing, and I'm determined that you will lose weight before Christmas.

So, as the Palace is hosting the winter Olympics, I thought what better way to get fit than to enter you into some of the competitions. In addition, I have spared no expense and got you a fancy, state of the art, skin tight thermal sweat suit, with built in external air flow evaporation system..... that will be the hairs on the outside to you. So if you'll just slip yourself in and put on these skis we'll get going.

Some time later......

© ERIN THE CAT PRINCESS. NOT FOR REPRODUCTION IN ANY FORMOooh you look very smart in deed, and I love the little floofy tail.... er.... aerofoil at the back.  Now I know what you're thinking there, and this is definitely NOT a fancy lady polar bear outfit. You can't pull the fur over this Princesses eyes, no ma'am, so I checked with the elf guy with pointy ears in the shop, and he assured me that this suits design is exactly why you never see any overweight and sweating polar bears!

Anyways, to save time and increase viewing figures for the cream adverts I've placed between events,  I've had some of the events merged together.

For example the Ice Hockey, Curling, and Figure Skating are now combined. The figure skaters can stand on the curling stone, demonstrating their prowess and balance, whilst a burly dude in some spangly lycra can push them around the ring in an appealing fashion, to the sound of the 1812 overture, played live with real canon.

The team to get their own stone, complete with balanced skaters to the other side with the least injuries from canon fire is the winner. This will definitely cut down on the number of players needed and thus save countless injuries caused by them bumping in to each other all the time. Of course they will need bigger sticks to push them along with!

Also I thought we'd liven things up and make it more seasonal and fun for the kids, so I've introduced some more Christmas games. There will be snowman snowboarding, and the downhill Santa sleigh jumping competition, a test of steering and balance, and great practice should you get called to help Santa come Christmas.

Anyways, for you peep, I thought we could try something where you didn't have to have much input. Point and shoot as they say, but absolutely nothing to do with guns especially after last time when you mistakenly launched my experimental Intercontinental New Years Party Poppers!

It wouldn't have been so bad but you interrupted the Prime Ministers afternoon tea and scones. Worse still, they got the President off the golf course and caused him to miss a birdie! Of course if it had been me, that just wouldn't have happened.

Right, the time has come for you to take centre stage, peep, and win a Gold Medal for the queen and country, and the Palace. You special event will be the speed skating pursuit competition, no holds barred. To spice it up, your tag partner is Mr A Sasquatch, who flew in from the USA specifically for this event. Said actually he can't get much of this sort of action at home so is all raring to go.

I dare say that will be enough incentive to run fast, and lose weight, wouldn't you?



                                     

                                                To be continued................. NOT!


                                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~












38 comments:

  1. You has a drone Oh my CAT!!!! We need to borrow one!!

    Poor Peep, he does seem to keep fit though. Cheer him on Erin!!

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    1. I shall have it fly over to you... on second thoughts maybe I best send it by post. As to the peep, I shall definitely be cheering all the way home. Well I have him down to pick up the cream supply on the way round so the louder I cheer the soon it will be on my plate. MOL
      Toodle pip and Purrrs
      ERin

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  2. You know Princess, the Dad thinks exercise is way over rated and he might be right! Your selfies are terrific and you always do look so Royal!

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    1. I know my peep thinks so, but with careful dietary management and light work around the Palace I think we can sort things out... now if you'll excuse me I just need to put the pizza in the oven....
      Toodle pip and purrrs
      ERin

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  3. Hehehe keep on it Erin your peep will get in shape eventually,xx Speedy

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    1. Thank you, I shall. I have already booked the exercise bike in for the Round Britain Road Race... don't suppose you know where I can get some spare wheels from do you?
      Toodle-oo till later
      ERin

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  4. Erin as much as we try to keep our Mom in shape alas we fail because she is just too difficult of a task! We love your selfies!

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    1. The secret is in the diet, and the weekly shop. I get a bit of everything and anything I don't like the peep has. I get the cream and pizza and the peep all the green stuff and fish! Win win really and no money wasted.
      Toodle-oo till later
      ERin

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  5. You be lookin' gawjus as always ERin. We think your combinin' of the events would be a great thing fur da regular 'Lympics to do as well. Can't ya' just 'magine it now? MOL Fanks fur bein' our furiends. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. Thank you both, you are very kind and a good friends in deed, too. Seems like we have a winner for the combo events at the Olympics. I think all the running distances can be combined into one big one race, or they can do one 100m race and then times it up to get the other distances. MOL
      Have a lovely week
      Purrs hugs and head bumps
      ERin

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  6. You be lookin' gawjus as always ERin. We think your combinin' of the events would be a great thing fur da regular 'Lympics to do as well. Can't ya' just 'magine it now? MOL Fanks fur bein' our furiends. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. Thank you, I tries to get a nice shot each week, but sometimes the naps or exercise routines get in the way. You ladies have a lovely Cat Tree to take yours in, I think I shall have to have one grown indoors for me too.
      Toodle pip and purrs
      ERin

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  7. Well finally. FINALLY! Finally, you have done it. Give that princess a star! Erin has FINALLY come up with a good use for Brussels Sprouts. First good use I'VE heard of, for sure. MOUSES!

    Purrs,
    Seville

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    1. Definitely the thing to have in ambulances for bruises... in fact maybe the police could use them too for crowd control!
      Toodle pip and purrrs
      ERin

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  8. Dear Ms...er Princess Erin this is so very interesting, but I did get confused between the kilts, balls and people running! Does it all fit into the new Olympic sport with the dancer balancing on the curling stone being pushed and shoved...would they ALL be wearing kilts? (my human brothers have kilts...and a purse that they call a sporran...but what I think is a great furry thing to play with...but that's what I think. I also think your selfie circle is ingenious! Purrhaps I will take one like that some day.
    Purrs
    Marvelous

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    1. Ooh I see, maybe they do need to all be in kilts, that sure would add an extra impetus to their steps, what with all the cold air! I am sure it won't be long before you'll be doing such wonderful selfies, maybe we could exchange notes as you progress and develop new techniques for combining exercise and naps...
      Toodle pip and purrrs
      ERin

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  9. Replies
    1. It certainly is all go around the Palace, especially with so many guests and competitors for the Olympics! Still once the peep has lost a few ponds things will slow down again and I can get back to planning the Easter Games.
      Toodle pip and purrrs
      ERin

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  10. Very cute snoozy selfie. I can't wait to see these winter olympics, I hope you will be televiing them :) XO

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    1. Thank you, it is all in the name of art, and a good nap too MOL Unusually I haven't had any takers from the main TV channels yet but once they see the peep and Mr Sasquatch I think we will get excellent viewing figures!
      Toodle-oo for now
      ERin

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  11. Erin I though we would bust our fur reading your post and we feel for Peep MOL
    Penny Farthing in wet suit and welding helmet... too much
    Timmy and MOL Family

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    1. Oh heck, I hope no one will get stretch marks on our account MOL Do you think the wet suit will catch on, certainly for solar eclipses the welding mask might be handy...
      Toodle pip till next week
      ERin

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  12. well, Mom L and Dad P both go to that thing called a "jim" and Dad P seems to look ok but Mom L...not so much. Must not be what she needs, maybe she just needs more raw mice in her diet

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    1. The exercise thing is a real plus to burn the excess, the key is to not have the excess. So I have put peep on the Mouse Size diet where the portions are the size of a (fat) mouse.Works well with carb high foods but must be balanced with proteins and fat, hence why I have the cream part of the equation MOL
      Toodle pip till later
      ERin

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  13. You should consider modeling, Your Majesty. Seriously, you always strike the best of poses. Your inner beauty shines through each and every whisker! Todays photos show how shiney your coat is. Purrrfection!

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    1. Oh Herman, you say the positively best things, you really do! I like a good sheen to my coat, but have to admit part of the magic is lots of natural daylight and a good supply of fibre in the diet. Now I just need to nip off and find out where I stashed that tray of Nibbles™ Southern fried nip mice....
      Toodle pip till next time
      ERin

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  14. You took a selfie with a drone, Erin? That. Is. Awesome!

    As for those winter games ... snowman snowboarding and speed skating sasquatches sound positively spectacular!

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    1. Yup we have gone all state of the art, alas it has been grounded from flying due to a low smog around the Palace. Once peep has stopped burning lunch things should be back to normal again
      Yes I think we can say that the sports is a truly inclusive event. Maybe next year we can have reindeer 5 a side soccer match?
      Toodle pip till next week
      ERin

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  15. The mom's idea of exercising is walking to the fridge, getting something to eat and walking back to the sofa! MOL!

    What a great seflie, Erin...we gotta get one of those drone-thingies. It would make life a lot easier. :)

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    1. Those drones sure are handy, in fact they can be used for delivering your treats around the house. Best NOT tell your peep about that or might not even get up to go to the fridge MOL
      Toodle pip and purrrs
      ERin

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  16. What??! No pictures of your Peep in the, "skin tight thermal sweat suit?" You, Bear and Ellie should get together and brainstorm ways to get your Peeps to move. I'm big into making sure the cats get exercise ... while I sit on the floor swinging toys around for them to chase. At least I have the courtesy to not eat doughnuts at the same time!!

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    1. Alas no, it was all a blur..... As to doughnuts at play time, if they were nip doughnuts and VERY VERY small, and shaped like mice, I'm sure you'd get away with it. Tell me if you find any and I come round and help you despatch them....
      Toodle pip and purrrs
      ERin

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  17. Maybe your mom needs a little more encouragement, Erin, but it seems that you're working on that...MOL :D Your Selfies are adorable, especially the snuggly ones <3 Pawkisses for a happy mobile day :) <3

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    1. I think you're right... I may see if Mr Sasquatch has a friend he can bring along to speed things up. MOL
      Toodle pip and purrrs
      ERin

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  18. Purrincess ERin if you were inn thee pawlympickss you wood win GOLD fur yur pose! Trulee amazin dder furend....
    ~~head rubsss~~ Siddhartha Henry~~

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    1. Thank you kindly Prince Siddhartha Henry, I shall check my calendar and see if i'm available for training between naps MOL Ooh and I hope they have Gold Top Cream medals!
      Toodle-oo and purrs
      ERin

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  19. I think I will watch everything in TC & DMS fur now on! MOL! I think you've created the best sport of them all with the combined skating/curling/ice hokey idea! Efficient use of the rink! You could put your peep through the training! He could enter that event after he's done with the speed skating competition. Say, I think I know Mr A Sasquatch. Did you happen to fly him in from O-R-E-gon? I think he's the one that hangs out in the tall trees behind my house. Tee hee hee! -Valentine (& Mom) of Noir Kitty Mews

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    1. Oooh is that where he's from.... he was quite shy about it and didn't say. Well well, I've a Kraken and you a Sasquatch. Quite a pair we'd make if we could get them together in the same palace, though I suspect its too wet for your guy in the UK...
      Purrs and paw kisses Prince Valentine, you floofi dude you.
      ERin

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