A New Broom!

It's Sunday Selfie time.... 

We are joining The Kitties Blue, from The Cat on My Head blog, for the weekly celebration of blogs and bloggers from across the world and across the species.

Download the link link from their site and join the fun!

Finding my Zen

This weeks selfie is of yours truly trying to get to grips with the ancient CAT art of origami.

Now some may think this was started by the Chinese, but I can now reveal that it was us fine felines that got there first, naturally. MOL

First one must apply full concentration to achieving your ZEN harmony with the world and the paper.

The Hidden Mouse

Only once this is achieved, can you let rip with the inner you and see the fruits of your labour appear in paper form.

I call this one, THE HIDDEN MOUSE. Well it was until I found it. MOL

The housekeeper had a selection of names for it, but I shall leave it to you to make up your own minds.........


To see what all our pals have been up to, click the links below.

............... and now it's Sunday Story Time!

This weeks story is.............. A New Broom!



Erin paced about the palace kitchens, reading out loud to herself a telegram from NASA.

"Well.

Well well.

Well, well I never, this is quite a situation.

Send the peep out to the shops to get Mars bar and next I hear, last seen heading off on the space shuttle to Mars!

I really do worry about that one.

OK done with the worrying, what I need is a replacement, a housekeeper in fact. Well better fact than fiction as the factual kind can actually do stuff, and tend to my very minimal needs. Like mowing the lawn, clipping hedges, decorating, cleaning, and making midnight sandwiches.

I think I best get an advert in all the Society magazines, that a princess is in need of a housekeeper. Must be able to work for below average pay...... well I am below average in height. Must have own transport and a keen nature, eager to please and above average computer skills. Well above average around here means knows how to switch it on, and phone the help line.

There we go, have pinged that email to them, lets see what comes back....."

Some weeks later.......

"Oh good Lord, this just cant go on!

Not one suitable candidate at all. Either too slow or too hungry and want to eat me out of house and home. Or bankrupt me with demands for fresh food each day AND a salary!

What has the world come to, I ask you, when you cant hire staff for a poultry sum. I thought a nice warm feather bed, running water and all the nosh you could eat would be ample. But no, seems like nobody wants to share with the chickens these day!

Oh well lets see what the mornings post has brought. Junk mail no doubt

Yup, just as thought....... junk, spam, spam, clothes catalogue for senior cats, more junk, and Inland Revenue. Hmm that's not good, they want to come and assess the Kraken for tax relief. Seems like when I put in that I had four pairs of hands helping me, they didn't expect them to be all attached to the one body!

Minor technicality I'm sure but she is a legal migrant and adding loads to the rural economy too. Bicycle sales have quadrupled and the number of unemployed mail delivery men and meter reader men has plummeted. OK most are never seen again but I think that's just part of the job.

Oooh whats this? A small postcard, from London?

Hmm......"

Erin looked closely at the card and then sniffed its edges, like a fine wine. "My powers of deduction lead me to believe that this is from a senior lady, late seventies early eighties. She likes coffee and rides a bike prone to breakage and is also in need of a job. Sounds my sort of housekeeper!

How do I know these things, I hear you ask, well it is simple if you have years of training and a keen eye for coffee stains and chain oil. Plus it says so on the card. Seems like my housekeeper is arriving today.

I best retrieve that tinned spam I got this morning, from the dustbin, and pull some nip leaves from the greenhouse and make a salad of it. I wonder if I she minds making it for me?"

****** Door bell chimes ******

"Eeek she's here and I haven't a thing to wear! Oh well, she'll just have to take me as she finds me. Having said that, first impressions are everything, so I'll put some whitener on, a touch Whiscara™ whisker perfection for cats.

And if I polish the teeth for fresh breath confidence and a smile to make a lasting first impression and radiates warmth, that should show I am a serious, paws on employer. Well, none of the mice ever complain of bad breath and they all jump around when they see my smile so I dare say it works."

Moments later.......

"Well hello, Erin Princess, I'm your new house keeper, my dear. Just show me where to stow my stuff and I'll get settled right in."

"Er, excuse me, I was expecting a Mrs Hudson, not My Dear. Do you have any references or ID? I just cant go employing anyone willy nilly..... though if you can you make nip tea, you have the job!"

The lady gave a quizzical look and scratched the bun on top of her head. "Well I AM Mrs Hudson, my dear. Don't know who the other person, Mae Deer, is but I'm here, my dear, for the post as advertised." With that she handed Erin a cutting from the The Lady Cat Magazine. "I'm not sure about references though," She continued. "Nobody has ever said I need those...... but if you like, I can provide the names of some very particular families, and gentlemen, that have used my services and not had cause for complaint."

And of course I comes from a very long line of nannies, too. So if you ever have kittens I will be quite able to take on their education. I think you'll find I'm great with knitting and chasing spiders and mice."

And without further ado, Mrs Hudson hitched up her long skirts and ducked through the doorway and walked in and surveyed the Palace Great Hall. "Oh my, would you look at the cobwebs in here. Well I suppose it's to be expected in a place like this. Do you have a broomstick from the last housekeeper that I can whizz around with, or did she fly off with it when she left you? Never mind I can always brew up a little something in the kitchens that will have them out."

Erin was suddenly stunned with the realisation that she might just have hired a housekeeper. And not only that, but a witch house keeper too! "Mrs Hudson, you don't have any pets do you? A black cat maybe? Not that there is anything wrong with black cats. Quite the opposite in fact as I am, in part at least, black, and my Valentine is ALL black and a quite a dish... er... darling. It's just that this is rather a one cat Palace and I don't want Valentine to get worried."

"Never fear my lovely, I never bring my cat with me when I'm working. There isn't much room up there and they tends to fall off at high speeds and that can get awfully messy and expensive. She smiled and winked, and then gave a long sniff. "Time for a brew I think and then you can show me around. The kitchens it is then. Let me guess, I'll follow the smell off burnt Brussels sprouts. I can see I shall have to take the cook in hand, I cant have you starving, now can I?"

Erin's eyes bulged and she visibly paled as she absorbed all that had just been said. Clearly Mrs Hudson was a witch who not only flew, but frequently lost her own cat off the stick! This wasn't just awful but a positive liability and she resolved to up the palace insurance later, and also see if the Parish Council and Fire Brigade needed permits for use of an open cauldron? Thinking on it, she decided to contact the Air Traffic Control to see if she needed clearance for sending her to the shops.

A clattering of falling items brought Erin to her senses. She looked around to see the housekeeper beating a hasty retreat out of a broom cupboard, looking very much the worse for wear. In fact, her bun had slipped so far to one side, she looked like Princess Leia after a bad nights sleep.

"Well I say, that was quite an experience, Erin, and no mistake. I think, dearie, that you could do with a sign on there." With that she straightened the bun and wondered off towards the staircase down to the kitchens.

Erin sighed and trotted after her, and pondered if it wasn't too late to book Mrs Hudson on the next flight to Mars?


To be continued................

Order, ORDER!

It's Sunday Selfie time & Story!

Join me this week, as we participate in the Sunday Selfies, hosted by the fabulous Kitties Blue from The Cat on My Head blog.

This is a lovely showcase of blogs and bloggers from across the globe, and brings fun love adventure and friendship to many.


My selfies this week show me practicing my whole body alignment training. 

To those new to this revolutionary system, the aim is to get ones head legs and tail to align in sleep and thus make us harmonised, and even better when we wake. 

As you can see I had a little bit of an issue with that hind leg, but it is early days so I shall undertake more and dedicated training sessions (outside of the normal naps) and work on it.

Why not try it yourself, I think you'll find it's very relaxing....

To see what other fun things my pals have been up to, please click the links below.

I hope you'll enjoy this weeks story too....

Order, ORDER!

"Order.

ORDER

ORRRRRRDER!!

Really Ladies, I have never heard so much discord over a mere trifle!

Last year was bad enough, over the sponge and what filling we should have, but a TRIFLE? Come on now, this isn't the White House or UK Parliament where we spit abuse at each other and send incoherent social media messages.

This is the WI, the Women's Institute, for heavens sake, and we.....

YES, Mrs Ben-gal, what is?

OH?

OK. Our esteemed Secretary has rightly pointed out, FYI, we are the sub branch of the WI, namely the FWI the Feline Woman's Institute. Thank you, Mrs Ben-gal, please minute that, FYI FWI not WI, AOK.

Now where was I?

Ah yes? Ladies, fine felines, we are the FWI and.....

What's that Ms Coon? Do you have a question or are you just scratching your ear? I do hope you took that flea treatment I suggested? You did, that's good so if you have a question you need to raise a paw.

Ah, thank you. The chair recognises Ms Coon, well it should as my memory isn't that bad. What is it dear?

The litter box? Oh, umm, yes just use the one in the corner, and remember to wipe your paws! It took the cleaner ages to get that icing sugar off the polished floors after our last soiree.

But to be fair, no one realised that the caterer had supplied grey mice dusted with sugar instead of the white mice specified. Poor things were so hyped up on the sugar we had to send them to run it off under the house keeper's bed! Poor Mrs Hudson, she was not amused when they nested in her stockings.

OK, as I was saying, ladies, we run the country, and the back bone of the community and the pillars of society. We give the public tradition and premium content. We DO NOT flimflam folk with artificial ingredients or modern fillings.

Nor do freely fling flans at each other at committee meetings, Ms T Abbie, like last year! There will be no flimflam or free flowing flung flans whilst I'm in charge. And try saying that after a bowl of nip soup. Mouses!

The contents of the flan are quite another issue but I dare say the rules can be interpreted to allow for modern trends, i.e. Silvervine in preference nip.

NOW. I mean to finish this pre Easter meeting before we get to Easter, so if we can all settle down.....

Miss Tuxeledo! I know the FWI embrace the younger generation, after all your kittens will be the next generation of members, but I must ask that you leave breast feeding till after the meeting. All the slurping sound is making me thirsty.

Right as to this trifling trifle. Ladies I propose that to resolve this issue we have a taste test. Mrs Manx will make the sponge in pink, and Madame LaPerm will be making the golden yellow sponge. I am sure we'll enjoy the fruits of their labour and next week.

One final note, please don't be tempted to use any of these alternative milk products or substitute creams. Frankly we need to put our paws down and demand fresh cream. Whipped is OK, but not out of the can as that is far too gassy. Believe me I have experience in the GAS department here at the Palace from the staff. Whilst it's a great renewable energy, methane is not desirable in or indeed out of ones guests...... especially near open flames!

If the your chefs quibble at the choice of ingredients, just remind them we are obligate carnivores and obligate creamivores. All natural ingredients if you please ladies.

Ms Simian! Aby, please. I know you are a working mum, and on the go three maybe four hours a day, but please do not bring snacks to the committee table. We'll be finishing soon so you can indulge in a little mouse play then. But for now please keep a paw on that mouse, or swallow. Thank you.

Right, moving on to the rest of the fayre for the fair and what stands we will be having. Mrs Toni Kinese, sends her apologies for tonight, but says she will run the Tom-bola stand with prizes for all tickets that contain a nine. She just needs to find some more toms who are willing to be bola'd!

Ms Mason and her brother, Seville, have said they'll happily whisk over from Nova Scotia and run the Premium Pick 'n' Mix cheese and Nip stand. It was such a huge hit with everyone last year, I think we may have to limit the size of the bags, and provide a break out area for those in need of a sit down.

Right what I need, are volunteers for the following attractions:-

1) The Glitter Ball and spoon race.

2) The five legged race.

3) The box race.

4) Pin the tail on the mouse. Always a favourite with the kittens.

5) The Edam cheese shy.

The Shooting gallery this year has been kindly donated by Bionic Basil and the B Team from their very own practice range, and promises to be extra fun. It will however be for the adults only on account of using tanks and live ammunition. And whilst I don't anticipate any issues, I have put the neighbours on alert in case they need to evacuate

Ok ladies I think that about wraps it up for this meeting.  On next weeks agenda is how we at the FWI can help outlying felines who do not have Internet connection. One suggestion has been made that we should have a FWI-WIFI Hot Spot. If anyone can think of something a little less risqué then please do bring it along.

Now tea and nip scones with double cream are served in the small study where one of our new member, a Miss Pura Singh will enchant us with her singing and a rendition of Verdi's Requiem for a Mouse.

Whats that Ms Ben-gal?

OH OK, I see. Right an apology and correction from this Chair. Our new member is named Miss Sing-A-Pura and is from Singapore, and not India. Also she'll not be singing. She will however be demonstrating the art of making stir fry nip-noodles, mouse and cheese dumplings, and by all accounts a rather feisty Singapore Nip Sling.

Miss Simian, I don't suppose you have a spare mouse do you, as mine's just run out!"



                                  ~~~~~~ The End ~~~~~~


I hope you enjoyed this extract from my weeks events. Please do feel free to leave a comment on the way home, flan, cream or mouse based most welcome.

Erin FWI Chaircat and Chief of Everything.....